Death of a 9 year Relationship

by Andrew
(New York)

As some of the other stories found in here, I didn't suffer the loss of someone but rather, the death of my 9 year relationship. I have already experienced the death of close family members and friends and even though it's been extremely sad, it's been something I have been able to deal with one way or another; something I haven't been able to do with this type of death.

I met her in school when we were 10 years old, we quickly became best friends. When we turned 16 we fell in love. Even at such a young age, I always thought we were going to be together forever. I gave her everything and felt she loved me as much as I loved her, maybe more. We learned everything with one another, she was my first everything. She has been the only woman in my life in every sense. This didn't bother me at all. I actually felt special and unique for having such a connection; love and devotion with and for someone.

Our relationship was always very passionate and sometimes a little bit too extreme and unhealthy, so after 6 years of being together I thought we needed a break for our own good. We were officially apart for 9 months but we talked all the time and no day went by without me thinking of her. It never really felt like a real break up. Eventually we got back together.

When we got back together she often accused me of having slept around while we were apart, which never happened. She was the only woman in my life and even when we were "apart" I could never picture myself with someone else. I later found out she was the one who dated someone while we were on a break. She swore she never slept with him and told me it was nothing serious and that she had ended it before we got back together. That really hurt me because even though we were "apart" I felt we were together. But I let it go, especially since I was the one that decided to take a break to begin with.

We stayed together for 3 more years, and even though we had our problems, I thought we were deeply in love and committed to one another. She often accused me out of the blue of having affairs and cheating on her, which was never true. I didn't understand her odd behavior. One morning, after making up after a fight, she told me she couldn't continue lying to me, and confessed she had been having an affair with the guy she dated while we were broken up, for the past 3 years. She had been in a relationship with him ever since we first broke up. I literally felt as if she stabbed me in the back. my best friend, my "soul mate". It was even hard for me to breathe. For 3 years, everything had been a big lie. She broke my heart, she destroyed me.

Obviously I asked her to move out, and I deleted her from every aspect of my life, I felt so angry towards her, I felt humiliated. At the beginning I was in total denial. I went out every night of the week like if nothing had happened, but eventually things caught up with me. I started vomiting blood every night. I felt really sick, until one day a friend found me lying in the bathroom, I knew I had hit rock bottom. My friend took me to the E.R. I totally broke down, I had a nervous breakdown.

I was in the hospital for only one night. She found out about my breakdown and called me to tell me she missed me and wanted to get back together. I obviously said no, but felt better that she missed me too, and still loved me. A week later I found out from a mutual friend that the same day she called me, she went to an out of town wedding with him for the weekend. I got sick again, and felt so naive and stupid for believing in her once more.

I know I deserve a much better person than her, someone as loyal, honest and faithful as I am, but it seems my heart does not want to listen to my head. I miss her so much, and feel I have lost such a big part of myself. I feel lost, hopeless and profoundly depressed. I just want to go back in time and return to the time when we were happy and in love. Its only been about a month, but I feel completely broken.

I know what she did is unforgivable, after trusting her with my heart and giving her everything I had to offer, but I still fantasize about us getting back together, and I still want to think she loves me and needs me as much as I love her and need her. I don't respect her, and I could never get back together with her after what she did to me. I could never trust her or forgive her, so I don't understand why I miss her and want her back so much. It's like a drug I need, I know its bad for me but I still desperately want it. What bothers me the most is that I can't stop thinking of her and it is so painful to think of them together, its killing me.

I cry every day, I don't want to go out, and I feel I will never feel the same love and passion for somebody else. I feel everything is a terrible nightmare, I just want the pain to go away and to start feeling Ok with myself, and Ok with being alone. I want to feel complete by my own, I want to stop caring about her. I don't want to love or hate her anymore.

Comments for Death of a 9 year Relationship

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Jul 27, 2014
I understand
by: Anonymous

In time dear, you will see things more clearly. You will realize that a person that jumps into another relationship thinking that will bring them happiness, is unhealthy. You deserve better than being treated like that. I know I have just been through it. Only I was engaged, and he left me (without my knowlege) and got engaged to another, and married her, all in 3 months. Guess what, I found out on facebook! It will take time to realize that you deserve better. As you realize you do, your self-esteem and confidence will go up.
Please dont jump into some other guys arms to replace him and help with the pain. That is unhealthy, been there done that. It never works out. Please dont go back with him, wont work out in the long term. Please wait a year and if you have not already, find good sincere friends to do things with. I find them at the non-denominational church I go to. I have decided to put God first in every area of my life, and in His Time, he will send me that man that is in His perfect will for me. In the mean time, walk your dogs, be grateful you did not end up marrying someone like that, dont dwell on the good times, but on the way he made you feel when he hurt you. Blessings in Christ-Oh and down the road-learn to fogive him and move in so you can be strong and not get into any unhealthy relionships down the road.

Jul 25, 2014
end of a six year relationship.
by: Anonymous

hey everyone. am definitely going through the most miserable time in my life. I honestly feel like my life is crumbling down on me. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am still 22 and hes 24. three months have passed since we broke up. he ended the relationship saying that he doesn't love me anymore. I got to know that hes going out with another girl just after one month. every time I hear anything about my ex n his gf I die. I hate him for what he did to me but at the same time I cant stop loving him. I have definitely hit rock bottom An its killing me.

Jul 11, 2014
5 years later...
by: Andrew

I would like to thank everyone for their comments, I am truly grateful and wish all of you well. I wrote this about 5 years ago and forgot about it. It really helped me unload all of what I was feeling. Today when I opened my spam folder and found out about it and read my initial contribution it was like going to the past. When I read the comments it really surprised me people had read this and more surprisingly how many felt identified by it. Today, 5 years later I am extremely grateful for that lost relationship which has helped see everything with so much clarity. Without a doubt when I wrote this, it was the lowest and darkest point of my former relationship but now I can see things as a whole and how it was necessary and even unavoidable to go through it.

I will not lie, it was extremely hard to get over this relationship, however, the discovery as of why it was hard to let it go and what lie behind it was truly a gift and it has made me in great part who I am today and I truly like and I will even dare to say love the person I have become.

With time I was able to understand my fixation and sometimes obsession with that relationship. I understood first of all that that relationship did not define me, it was only a part of my life and that she and I are both individuals, we were not one as I felt we were at the time.
Second of all and most importantly, I was trying to fill a void within me with her, with that relationship. I understood that we are complete beings, and when we are not in peace or happy with ourselves the easiest thing to do is to look for it outside ourselves. It is not easy to change your perspective and it is not easy to try to work through personal issues that make you unhappy but when you succeed your whole world opens up and makes you feel unstoppable because your inner peace and your happiness will never depend on someone or something again. You become the master and the architect of your life.
When I look back at that relationship I can only feel grateful and I wish her always the best. There is truly no good or bad, it just is what it is. I still talk to her, we are not friends but when I do talk to her I only feel peace. She is a great person and I understand why she did what she did, we both were just trying our best and were acting from a very immature place. I do not judge her or me anymore. I will always love her, I still do but it comes from a peaceful and real place. Although I appreciate that relationship and loved being in love, I would never go back to something like that. My number one priority now is the peace of mind I have created in my life. At this point it is not even relevant to “love again” or to find the “one” or the “love of your life”, what is important is to find that sense of self and to find the light within you that makes you feel so happy and makes you want to share it with the world.

Not to sound like a cliché but for the people that are still going through heartbreak I highly recommend a lot of exercise and to surround yourself with healthy relationships and good people overall.
I hope everyone can find that peace that exists within us all


Jun 26, 2014
I understand your pain
by: Anonymous

My fiance and I were together for 3 years. I found out on facebook he was dating someone else, in Feb. and in June, 4 months later, he married her. I am still having trouble with this. I increased my anti-depressant to get through the pain but it does not seem to help much. My advice is to get involved with a group at your church such as a small group. A non-demonimnal church is helpful to find these uplifting groups. Also, Celebrate Recovery is a great group for free suppport. Check out where the closet one is in your are. Also, speak to your closest friend or family member or increasse your time with your children or pets to help. Take walks in nature, take a course maybe. But, there is no time table for grief to end. The relationship prior to this one was 10 years and he broke my heart as well.It took me 2 plus years to get over the 10 year, but i did meet someone a year later and he recently married someone in 4 months as well. So, For me, no more personal ads now. I need to let go and Let God and trust him to bring my way what he has in his will for me. There are many healing scriputres that will help the broken hearted. Just google them.. We are int the same boat...I will pray for you..pray for me...JC

Jun 24, 2014
8 year relationship down the drain
by: wounded wing

i felt my heart shrank after reading this and the comments below. my 8 year relationship is ending. There is no words to describe the pain i am feeling ... my heart aches and everything in me. I fought with my family and friends just so we could be together only to break up in the end... i was settled in the thought of not having babies and not walking down the aisle (because our relationship is not acceptable in the country where we live)... i was willing to sacrifice some more for our love... and then she let go of me.
I promise myself i will get out of this and be stronger than ever.I know i have a long way to go but with time friends and the world ...i can and u can too.
true love is not begged... it is given to you and connects with you naturally once you found the ONE.

Feb 08, 2013
Help is on the way
by: Melissa

No matter what we must go through, Jesus has already “been there and done that.” He knows from personal experience our hurts, our wounds, our pains and our feelings of no strength to carry on.

Jesus has been tempted and/or tried in all the same points where we have been tempted and/or tried. He has felt what you have felt and has made it through. Consequently, he heals those of us who are broken in heart and then He binds up our wounds. I want you to know I have been through this after a 10 year break up and it was very difficult but via getting involved with a christain counselor and a great non-denominational church, my life got better. It took time though....can't put a time limit on griefing..

Feb 07, 2013
Sad :(
by: Maya

I read all the comments crying my eyes out. I have just split with my partner of 8 years , 3 weeks ago! I caught him out cheating and he still denies it. I just can't let it go :( i was fine the first few weeks but now it has really hit me. Just like you I am not eating or sleeping. I have been put on anti depressants :( I just want to die

Nov 07, 2012
by: Michelle

I've Been With The Love Of My Life, Jermiah For Almost 9 Years. We Have A 9 Month Old Daughter Together. A Few Months Ago, I Found Out He Was Sleeping Around With His Co-Worker. He Told Me Numerous Times That It's Over Between Them, But Yet, He Keeps Running Back To Her. I'm Heartbroken. I Can Hardly Eat, Hardly Sleep, I Quit College, Barely Have The Energy To Go Into Work, & I Cry All Day Long. I Just Can't Seem To Get Over The Heartache.

Oct 28, 2012
It gets better
by: Anonymous

Hello Andrew,
Your story touched my heart. I so recently experienced the same sense of loss, rejection, and abandonment that you are feeling. I recently have exited an 8 year relationship. You will feel better in time. I promise.

Just keep doing the math in your head. In any given situation, there are logic and emotions wrapped in our relationships and associations with one another. Your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to them. But while you are recovering from this loss, please take the time every day to go over the logic in the situation. Your heart will catch up eventually and you will be surprised that day by day, little by little, you are growing past this pain.

Stick to your bottom line as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not. This is your life preserver, because your heart will suffer temporary amnesia if you happen to see her again too soon. This isn't about love or hate, this is about letting go.

Also, religious organizations are a great way to find temporary solace and to show you that there is a life past your time with her.

I hope you can see that the love you lost in this woman has been returned to you in the loving support of your readers.

Take care.

Oct 16, 2012
hard times
by: Anonymous

Just out of a 9 year old relationship. Its impossible to see the dreams I had for us shatter, sometimes I feel as if I am having a nightmare and nothing is real. I wish things hadn't changed. Maybe its better to part ways than not trust the one you love

"It's like a drug I need, I know its bad for me but I still desperately want it."

I feel exactly the same way. I know he is not right for me any more, but I cant stop fantasizing that he'll come back to be some time in distant future.

Sep 22, 2012
He left me too- for another woman
by: Klara

Hi Andrew,

I feel for you, really sorry to hear you feel so physically ill, hope you will recover soon.

I am in the very similar situation.. End of my 9 years with my boyfriend- we were going to get married, get house together..

This year I had emergency operation following routine doctor check up and he just left me. For another woman..
Apparently he loves her same way as he loves me, but he likes her more and that is that.

As I moved abroad, no in my home country, then I met him - I have no support network whatsoever..No friends I can talk about this as they as not as close, he was my best friend, my sould mate, my everything...
I lost everything. We also worked together and as I am finding it extremely hard to work with him as just with my colleague, I will probably loose my job as well.

Pretty hard, pretty impossible to get through a single day without crying, feeling sick or completely depressed. I was thinking about taking my life on couple of ocassions but I know it is just hurt, not really what I want to do..

I found myself talking with shop assistants, as I wonder around like without soul and when they ask me: "How can I help you,Madam?" I just break in tears..Stupid, I know. But even this little touch does help.

It has been only one month and I cannot imagine to live like this for few years as few people wrote it takes.. But I can see that I just wont be able to move on easily, as I still love him, miss him terribly, wants to have him in my arms.. Same way, I cannot trust him again, I feel so angry why he chose her, feeling jealous and imagine, how happy they are together while I have to be on my own. People advised dating once I get over the hardest part(on idea when this will be!!!)but I just cannot picture myself with anyone else.

So I feel for you, I know the pain you are going through and I also strongly hope and believe that ONE day we will wake up and this pain will be gone, we will feel happy again and free to live our life.

Lets hope and pray that One day will come to us soon and by that time we will understand ourselves better, learn from this heart breaking experience and be able to live somehow again..

Take care and try to get some sleep and some food. That is the begging, the rest will follow slowly. Ver very very slowly..


Sep 18, 2012
Tough Stuff
by: Anonymous

Wow heart wrenching story! Letting go and moving on is easier said than done regardless of how we try and use our head instead of our heart. But when your fully into someone, your just in!! The fact that you still fantasize is a reflection of your dreams for the future against all odds. I completely get that. It is a grieving proccess you have to go through. Hated the term "Time Heals" but it does get easier and you will always have that first love deep in your heart. Thing is not to let it scar you too much otherwise we never give anyone else a chance. She was mixed up too and it comes from being sooo young when first started. It's a bit like being a child having to leave their mother, that was your relationship. Think of it this way, you grew up together, experienced the good and the bad. Leaving the nest of security and familiarity is tough, but lots and lots of cool things coming your way if you give it a chance. Be open to new peeps and experiences. It will work out!!

Jul 27, 2012
what the heck
by: fiona

I broke up from my beloved husband 9 months ago. I figured the best way to move on was to get with someone else - but its hard...I keep thinking of my hubby. We got together again 3 times since we broke up, but I'm still with my boyfriend! I have a 14 yr old and have always had a partner in my life. I'm absolutely terrified of bein on my own as I never have been! Now I'm in a quandarry - my hubby wants to get bk together but I don't know if I still really love him after all we've been thru. I don't have any friends (moved here in november) and I feel that I can't decide anything. I'm depressed, angry, no energy and snapping @ my son! My boyfriend is awesome but not a looker wherasmy husband makes me feel weak @ the knees. Should I continue on with my boyfriend (feeelin guilty) or try to make it with my husband again. He's a real difficult person, depressive, 9 years older than me but I can't get him outta my mind!

Jul 02, 2012
You will rise above in time :)
by: Anonymous

Happened too me almost the same timeline and everything feels like your dying aghhh it's a horrible feeling BUT it goes away in time and it feels like you are trapped in a black hole forever but I got through it took 2 -3 years to feel 100% again because I didn't let go.i made it more painful on I'm wiser and stronger and in a way I'm glad I felt this horrible unbearable pain as I've faced the worst and it's all up hill from here. life is good love is even better,we miss them because they were everything to us and so many years of love we had together and the memories will stay forever. I was 14 so young....but I promise in time you will look back and understand and everything will be very clear.the answer to a broken heart is time!!! What you do with it from here onwards is up to you :)

May 05, 2012
I promise with God you will get through!!

God never said life and the experiences we have would be easy only to give us wisdom and make us stronger in the end. He will never allow Satan to put more on you than you can bare. I know coming from a 7 year marriage that almost cost me my life and now an 7 year relationship that almost made me lose my faith and everything I have ever believed in. I can sit here and talk about all the pain that I feel but that would only make you feel worse. Uplifting is what we all can do to help one another and prayer heals all wounds bc even if you feel you have no one to talk to or just dont want to God hears. Say a prayer and be positive no matter how bad you have been hurt. Hope and pray that you have a forgiving heart. That the person you will one day be able to go thru a whole day without a single thought about has a blessed and good life. In doing this will help you to heal, forgive and not become bitter. "God give me the serenity to accept the things I can't change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" I promise you will get thru.

Mar 27, 2012
9 years IS hard to get over - you have my sympathies.
by: ProudPinay18

I'm 22 and My 9yrs rel. has ended too..we've known each other since we're teenagers and its already been a month since that day that he has broken up with me because his love for me according to him has faded.we tried to work things out but it just brought out the worst of both of us.and then i discovered he's already seeing this girl he met when we cooled of..!GREAT...

So first when he confessed to me. i had panic attack.. felt like i got stuck and the time froze..i cant believe that the person i want to be with my entire life is actually leaving me and doesn't want me anymore..
on the first weeK i cried all day long, i was in total denial of things and i was asking him to still work things out with me.but he doesn't feel he love me anymore but when i started to talk this over a friend,it helped me feel a little bit better..everything is so painful at first!the longing..the attachment is trying to pull u down..but as time passed by i realized

Getting over does not exist..Trust me.. Moving on and acceptance is the real thing.. Do your best to fight the memories of you being together and stop thinking about he/she being a good catch and everything..especially avoid thinking about the plans you made when you we're together these are now illusions that has to put into good waste now... FOCUS on yourself.. go out a lot..pamper yourself and be positive.. Life is never dull.. the world will not stop just because the person we have given our loyalty, our love with all our heart,mind and strength for a long time betrayed us,left us for someone else.. praying also helps a lot..
I started thinking> what caused me to settle for this person that i know will cheat on me, know will lie to me, know will make a commitment and then break it? i just learned to recognize that i'm settling and that i deserve more. Set a higher standard for yourself guys.We deserve someone better and he/she is out there don't lose hope..
i know everyday you'll think about these person and miss him/her.. but there's a reason why God let these things happen to us..

It will all be better in time.. all wounds will be healed..
Don't hold all men/women be responsible for the mistakes your ex made...start seeing other people of good cheer, life is good.. and never forget to SMILE..even tho' you can still feel pain.... feel it. it makes us HUMAN!:)

Feb 11, 2012
I feel like I'm dragging my own heart around.
by: mfcotter

I'm 1 week out of a 10 years relationship and I can't understand why I still crave something that ended years ago. I miss her so much. I want to have her near me. I pretty much vomit daily. I'm terrified.

Dec 21, 2011
by: Anonymous

Dear Andrew,

I am 2 weeks out of a 9yr relationship. He cheated on me. I feel every bit of your grief. All I can say is I am sure time takes away the pain and we will emerge stronger out of this. Keep the faith that there is someone out there who deserves your love and respects you. After all trust is the pillar of any relationship. I wish you luck and strength.

Nov 30, 2011
Wish everyone all the best
by: Anonymous

Hey Andrew I just got out of a relationship was with my partner for 8 years after getting engaged last year in December we were looking to get married in march 2012 had organized everything booked the reception and all we had lots of stupid fights which brough us to an end it's been a few weeks it's hard I just received my engagement ring back last week and to find out she just started going clubbing partying her friends took us apart it was a hard thing in my life but it's hard lost a part of someone I had a little life with it hurts to hear she's happy with her friends partying going out but u really have to accept what happened and it will take time it's hard but if u have to cry let it out exercise and be strong but time is your best friend I have some good days some bad but it's always better than been married having kids than it gets harder all the best just ask god for help he is always there pray everyday and trust me it will get easier all the best for all of us going through a hard time :))

Apr 02, 2011
we are not alone
by: Anonymous

Hey Andrew,

Thank you for sharing your story I also just ended a 9 yr. relationship also known him since I was very young and I thought we would be together forever. I know how you feel, just wanting that person back, even though you know there just not good for you. I think that is what causes most of the pain, the hope that you will get back together in hopes that it will be how it use to be.
I thought I was a little crazy by saying that my lost was like grieving someone but reading your story made me realize that I am not alone. Here is a quote that helps me every time I feel anxious, or just when pain is just to much.

"God give me the serenity to to accept the things i cant change, courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference"

Good luck to us,

Jan 07, 2011
8 years
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss...I was with my boyfriend for 8 years and it recently ended. The pain is all too real. I was not cheated on but, I have been and know how that feels. I too wanted to throw up all the time and I just remember feeling so ugly and rejected. That was years ago and I think when something like that happens it changes you. I imagined my body shifting to fill in the huge hole that was left behind and that's why it hurt so much. The pain will subside...I promise. My current relationship ended one month ago after 8 amazing years together...I'm devastated to say the least. I find myself shifting again. I just cannot imagine never seeing him again, it hurts so bad...we're all in this together.

Oct 08, 2010
I understand
by: Natalya

Hi Andrew,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much emotional and physical pain. About 1 year ago, my 8 year relationship ended. Like yourself, I discovered that my ex was also cheating on me. I will never forget the devastating internal pain that I experienced during that time. It was sadness, grief, and despair like I had NEVER experienced before.

It's only in the last month or so that I seem to be coping better and thinking about him less. What has been helping me is to realize that everyone is on a journey and you have to just let things happen. Perhaps your break-up was just meant to happen and it's ok and it will be ok. All that it means is that there is something better and more wonderful out there for you and it will find you. This may sound crazy, but try to look at what happened to you as a gift or an awakening. You are now and a new journey that will be filled with amazing experiences.

Another thing that has helped me is letting go of anger. You have to let go of the anger you feel towards your ex-girlfriend. You have to love her for who she is and remember the wonderful times you had with her. It is then that you will be able to let go and be free from your pain.

You also have to think about all the things that make you happy and do all the things that make you happy. You have to take new chances and be willing to meet new people. Over time, you WILL feel better. You will always have a piece of your heart that will miss her, but when you let go of the anger that you have towards her, you will feel so much better. I doubt that she meant to hurt you. You never know what the future holds....who knows, maybe she will be in it. And if she's not, you will be just fine. You have to believe that and want that.

Do not dwell on sadness for too long. When you find yourself thinking incessantly about what happened, change the channel and think of things that you love! Best of luck to you and me! Oh, and you should read The Power by Rhonda Byrne.

Oct 07, 2010
I can relate
by: Melissa

Hi, I just got out of a 10 year relationship. My boyfriend broke up with me. I am feeling a lot of how you were feeling. It is very tough, and the feelings are so intense and unpleasant. I pray everyday for God to make me happy again, like he was never in my life. With time the wounds will heal. I've been told to move on, but no one can set a time time to when a person will completely move on. The other half missing feeling is hard to swallow. The feeling that that person would stick by you through thick and thin and you would always be together is a tough one too. But, like some others have said, that with an ending, even if one doesn't want it to end, there is a NEW BEGINNING! A better world out there that is full of love and nice people. You just can't see it if you are mourning the loss of your long term relationship. I am speaking to myself too, because my breakup was most recent, and shocking. I did not see it coming. Good luck to all of us, keep moving on and find some good friends or a counselor to confide in. The grief and pain, constitutes a good counselor I think.

Feb 05, 2010
The illusion
by: Anonymous

You are mourning and depressed because you have lost the hope of your future with her. You have loved her all of your life. It was an illusion, not real; she is not right. You need to grieve and cry and let the pain wash over you. Get in touch with the concept of the grief stages and recognize where you are currently are in those stages.

Be patient with yourself and take gentle care of yourself. You mustn't give up on love, just give up on the illusion of a future with her.

I know how you feel, I lost my soulmate also.

Sep 21, 2009
9 yr.
by: Anonymous

While I was reading your experience what you said sounded like it was coming out of my mouth. You know you deserve better, but you love her... miss her... she is like a drug to you.

I'm so sorry. I was only in my relationship for 2 1/2 years, but I felt the same way... we were meant to be together and could overcome anything like you and your love.

This has even made you physically sick. I just wish I could give you a hug. You do deserve someone who loves you as much as you love her. I hope that somehow you can find that. I'm going on my first date since my love and I broke up. I don't want to go, but I'm forcing myself. I hate it. Just know that I feel the pain you are in and I'm so, so sorry. You are in my prayers.

Jun 21, 2009
Feel for you
by: Anonymous

Hi Andrew,

I am sorry for what you are going through and I feel for you.

I am 8 months out of a 10 year relationship and struggling.

All you can do is ride it out, feel the feelings, don't bottle them up.

I struggle a lot because I only have 2 friends I can talk to. I am on my own a lot because they are busy. I am seeing a counsellor because I have low self esteem and low self confidence and don't want to become depressed, although I fear I might be.

Do good things for yourself everyday. Exercise - it is the best.

Take care of you.


Mar 15, 2009
So sorry
by: Jennie


I am so very sorry to hear about your tragic breakup with the girl you thought was your "soul mate". And I offer my condolences on your loss.

In some ways, the breakup with a loved one is almost worse than the death of one, because there is almost always guilt, loss of self-esteem and major hurt involved. (Why did she do this terrible thing to me?)

I really have no easy answers for you, Andrew. I do think you will stay on the right track if you determine that there absolutely is no future for you with her. You would never trust her, and the hurt and resentment would always be lurking there.

I know you don't want to hear this, but time really will help you heal. It has only been a month, and you are devastated by what she did to you. You have a right to a full bereavement over this! Take as long as you need to heal and recover, and don't let anyone tell you to "just get over it!" It's not that easy.

Take the time to read through the many pages of the site, they are just as appropriate for you, too. Trust the grief; time will help you heal.

Good luck to you Andrew,

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