Death of a spouse

by Rebecca

On July 31,2011 my spouse of 36 years passed away. I believe it was due to the improper care he received from the VA. We had a Vash Voucher (Hud Housing for Veterans and their families.) When he died it was taken away from us, leaving myself, daughter and two small grandchildren homeless. He had always told me that if he died first that the VA would take care of everything. They don't pay for caskets and it took me almost a month to get him one. Then I had to rent UHAL truck and drive him myself to the National Cemetery in Dixon,CA where he finally got a proper burial with honers. This was about 160 miles away. I did receive a death benefit of $255 and a small amount of $236. I'm still waiting for the VA benefits. I'm trying to locate a lawyer but I am having trouble getting his medical records from the VA. I can't stop thinking about my husband and how he should still be alive. Some of my friends turned out not to be very good friends and some of my family too. I feel lost and sometimes get even angry at him for leaving us in this situation. I'm at a loss and don't know what will become of us. If anyone out their can help please email me.

Comments for Death of a spouse

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 14, 2012
by: Anonymous

My Husband was a USMC ,he had Fibrosis of the lung.
due to the service,he was a board old navy ships and there was asbetos on it,the V.A.took to long to try to get him on the lung transplant list,they took nearly 3 years,and when he did get his work up done,he was to sick they told us. And denied him on our last Valentines Day together 2/14/12,we was shock and sadden ,9 days later my Husband,my best friend my soul mate of 30yrs,went to HEAVEN.He was on V.A. was rated 100%.and I have not received anything yet,I sighed up for V.A. benefits and they told me they don't know if I will get anything.
I my self are disable due to a stroke,my husband also thought I would automatic receive his V.A.
he never once complained about anything or blamed the V.A, or ask why me,he was a real USMC strong and faithful to the end,

Dec 11, 2011
by: Rebecca

Thank you for reading and responding to my letter. My husband was thrown into the worst nursing home you have ever seen. We need to really speak out and do something about the way our veterans are being treated. Somewhere there must be justice. After all they served our country and it's the least they can do. I did turn the nursing home into The State Dept of health in CA. They are doing an investigation and are supposed to notify me with the results. I sent for his medical records about a month ago and still haven't received them. Not only did they do an injustice to my husband but they took away our housing and left our family homeless. I try to pray but it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Please feel free to email me anytime.

Dec 10, 2011
to ch
by: Rebecca

Thank you for your letter! I have applied for his VA benefits through the Veterans Affairs and have been waiting now for 4 months. I will write to Washington DC. Thank you! Here is my email please email me soon.

Dec 10, 2011
VA Scam
by: Rebecca

Dear Trish,
I would love to meet you. Thank you so much for your letter. Although it made me cry it did help. Please email me and we can talk more. I am so sorry for loss too! Maybe we can help each other as this is no way to treat our veterans!

Dec 09, 2011
There are resources to help you...
by: CH

I am so sorry for your loss and I appreciate your husband's service to our country.
Your difficulties with bureaucracy break my heart.
Please contact your state's Veterans Affairs office for help in getting his medical records and determining what benefits you are eligible for. Benefits for surviving spouses are usually based on your husband's level of disability (if any) that is service related. If you do not get quick results from Veterans Affairs, contact your Congressman's office Washington DC. Their staff members routinely resolve such issues for their constituents. That is what these people are elected to public office for... to help their constituents weed through the bureaucratic barriers. Your husband gave his time to his country, your elected officials can return the favor with just a little bit of their time.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Grief is difficult enough to deal with but the burdens you have had to face are difficult to imagine.
God Bless you and your family.

Dec 09, 2011
Me too Rebecca
by: Geoffrey Campbell

Dear Rebecca, I recently lost my Father in the VA, but what hurt was he had no intravenous, nor did they give him anything to drink, not even a sponge to moisten his tongue for the last three days of his life there. When I complained about this, I was told they would issue some kind of a restraining order, but I politely requested that they give him something, as he was conscious, terribly dehydrated and thirsty.
I pray that God will give you wisdom in taking the right course. Dear Rebecca, prayer is a powerful thing, if we abide in His will and show love to those around us. Reading your letter arose the indignation and hurt I felt by what happened two months ago in his last remaining days in the VA. I would understand them not giving water if he had kidney problems, or could not swallow, but this was not the case, as he had cancer. His death was a slow one, not from cancer, but from dehydration, a terrible way to go, but I was not allowed to interfere. But I know God sees everything, and He will uncover every injustice, though not in this life. I hope this may comfort you in your loss, dear Rebecca. Lastly, if I may suggest prayer, pray for them who may have erred in their treatment of your beloved husband. You will be amazed at the peace this brings. I am not an intelligent person, but your letter struck a chord in my heart, and I hope and pray that you will find peace, and help from this site. Sincerely, your friend in Pennsylvania

Dec 09, 2011
The VA is a SHAM!!
by: TrishJ

I truly wish I could speak to you in person regarding this. I currently have filed a claim against the VA (an 1151) for compensation for my husband's death. Joe and I were married for 37 1/2 years. He was in end stage congestive heart failure when I had to scream and threaten for them to begin the paperwork and work up for transplant. Fourteen months later they were no closer to placing him on the transplant list then they were the day they started. We took him to a civilian hospital in Chicago. They had him placed on the transplant list within 6 weeks. The problem was the care he received from the VA was sub standard and 14 months is a long time to hand on the edge of death. Every day of that time his heart became weaker and weaker. The worst part of it is that they have lied and covered up their tracks. I am in the process of writing a book about his mistreatment and actually have a publisher interested.
The VA takes care of nothing in the way of funeral costs. So many of the vets think everything will be taken care of. All I was offered was a very unattractive marker for his grave. No thanks. There is no remorse on their part. I feel like they were just waiting for my husband to die. They can't continue to get away with this. It sickens me. It's hard enough to lose our spouses but to have to feel that the VA basically killed them is and almost impossible. I have to just block it out of my mind most days because I become physically ill thinking about it.
I would really love to be able to talk with you. If you would like to exchange email addresses please let me know in the comment under your post.
God bless. Deep breaths. It's not easy.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!