Death of my father and Death of my relationship my ex-boyfriend of 8 years

by Iyana
(PG county MD 20735)


I don't know if you can help me. I recently lost my father suddenly to an acute illness. My father hated my ex-boyfriend who is the father of my 2 year old son. I just recently found out my ex is moving on to another woman who is taking him on a trip to Las Vegas. We have been broken up for a year but we've been friends with benefits for 6 months but that has stopped since we stopped living together and I went home to stay with my parents. Long story short, my dad hated that my ex never properly asked for my hand in marriage and he appeared very disrespectful to him because they had a few arguments. But since I was staying at my parents house, my dad had to see my ex weekly because he had to pick up my son. Christmas eve my dad suffered a heart failure due to his chronic illness with gout. He died Christmas eve. I was devastated! I cried so much it made my heart hurt. I never got to tell him that he was right about my ex. It appeared like I took my ex's side but I didn't want to chose sides. To my dad, if I didn't just take him to child support court and not allowed him to come over then I wasn't handling the situation the way he thought I should. Anyways, it's been a month after my father's death, and I am so depressed that my ex had moved on and he's enjoying life with his new lady and I'm here crying everyday over the death of my father and the death of my relationship with my ex! How do I channel this grief properly? I am a songwriter and composer..I write about my grief but lately I have been so grief stricken that I haven't come up with any new music. Help me with your opinion. I hope you are opened minded and not judgmental. Harsh criticism is what I receive generally. I really want to know how to grieve.

Comments for Death of my father and Death of my relationship my ex-boyfriend of 8 years

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Jan 29, 2012
The rules
by: Zoe

Oh my you have so much loss so fast.
First no matter what beliefs systems you have there is a single string that once a person passes over they have peace. . Your father knows you love him and you have understood his view on your ex.
Now to your harder question. Everyone grieves differently. We all understand each others pain, but the process for each is different.there no right way, there is no wrong way.
The first thing is that the woman you were 30 seconds before his death is gone. You are different now, grief shapes you , some people mold what they learn and become a new woman, some people incorporate the pain in their life.

But I have to tell you, as a parent and grand parent I do not want the to let grief mold them as much. It the order of things, it is the way things should be. I want my children to know they had my heart, they were my love and my joy.

I am sure your father loves you the same way, and he would want you to heal.
And when all else fails remember
One breath, one step, ole day at a time.

Jan 29, 2012
Let go of your pain
by: Anonymous

Don't punish yourself, you were doing the best that you could and you are not responsible for the way your ex behaved towards your father. Your father obviously loved you very much and I believe he also knew that you loved him very much, and he would not be blaming you for the way that your ex treated him.
You are a songwriter, why not channel your grief into your music? By expressing in music your love for your father and the pain of your losses you will feel empowered and comforted, you can use your musical talents to turn your pain into beauty and comfort, which is will also be a gift to others when you then share it.

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