Debs Story,

by Debbie
(Fergus Falls, MN)

I don't know how to tell my story. I lost my Dad and my husband on the same day. I didn't know my husband was gone until a week later. I was in a different state at that time.
I buried my dad, then made my way home to find out that my husband was gone also. This is a long story, but I think I need help, but don't know where or how to carry on.

Comments for Debs Story,

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Jan 01, 2012
debs story
by: deb

I have seen your comments and the one that hurts the most is the one that they don't think that there story is worth being here. We all have lost so much and your story may be small in your mind, but you hurt can and will be the same as ours. I found this site shortly after I lost my husband. I was looking for someone to talk to other than family. This site made me realize that I am not alone. It doesn't matter how you lost that love one. Your hurt will be just as great as ours. You need to tell your story and find something in yourself that makes you just let it out.
Just right it down, sometimes it will help,
Sometimes family doesn't understand your feelings and you need just let it out. It Is midnight, New Years Eve. and I will go out side and just scream. That is going to be my solace for one more day. My husband was an alcoholic for 30 years. the best thing that I got from this, Just live one day at a time. Love the life you have on this earth and someday you will see that special someone again in a better place.

Dec 28, 2011
hugs to Deb, many losses
by: Jennifer

I send you big hugs Deb. In May 2010 I lost my most wonderful dog, Roudi. Then in June my Father passed away suddenly on my sister's 45 birthday, only days before my other sister's 50th birthday, my mom and dad's 60th wedding anniversary and my aunt(dad's sister) 80th birthday. We had planned a huge party, but instead we had a funeral. My husband had a lung transplant that March and was doing very well. I lost 2 uncles after my Dad, then my husband was put into ICU on a vent by a drug he recieved in connection with his lung transplant. On Dec. 3, it became aparent that all his organs had failed, and I had to unplug his breathing vent, and he died. It was abjectly horrifying, my whole world collapsed. Another sweet friend died just before Christmas, which I was completely unable to process in any way.Tiny bits of healing came so slowly, sandwiched with awful fear, but spring and sunshine helped a bit, and I had no choice but to take care of our farm and continue working. 2011 began as a time of slow healing and a lot of learning about death, dying, grief and life after death. Mediums and books by mediums were very helpful. Then came this past fall. I lost seven friends between Thanksgiving and Christmas 2011. They were all separate occurances, many were unexpected, and one friend died slowly wasting away from cancer while I visited every week.She died while I was visiting, and we buried her Dec. 23. There are not words to describe, just knowing that it is day by day, one foot in front of the other. Focus on whatever is good in each day, if it is a warm cup of tea, your bed, a flower, light in the sky. Think of your people often, smile when you remember the good things. Go see live music, whatever helps you find even the tiniest piece of joy. I do not have answers, only small clues. I send you big hugs and many cups of tea.

Nov 24, 2011
the rest of my story
by: Deb

I live in a defferent state from my parents. My parents are 80 years old. But when my father's heath went bad, I was able to go back home and be with him. I spent more than a month trying to keep my dad alive and happy. He also tried to keep himself alive for us kids. He was looking at double leg amputation. the night before the surgery, his heart just stopped. He passed away that night. I know my father and he would not want to live that way. At the same time I lived with and loved a man that had a lifetime of alcohol abuse. I knew that he would drink himself to death, I just didn't know it would be the same day as my dad. My husband wasn't with me when my dad died and we were out of communication at that time, so i didn't know my husband was dead till a week later. (long story) I had a regular funeral for my father. My husband had to be cremated. I didn't get to say goodbye to him the way i did my dad. I don't have the closure and it is eating me apart.

Nov 20, 2011
Debs story
by: Peggy ( Lost)

OMG Debbie,

I lost my husband going on 3 months in a couple of days, I found this site, it is great, I thought i was going crazy, thought i was alone, but no!!!! I have learned something you must speak, let it out please do not hold it in, believe me cry if you have to , but please do not hold it in.. do not be afraid of telling your story we all are in pain!!, May god bless you

Nov 19, 2011
thank you
by: Anonymous

I would love to tell my story, but as I have been reading others stories, I feel like mine doesn't compare. I know that I am feeling sorry for myself right now, but so many other people have it harder than me.

Nov 18, 2011
keep writing
by: Anonymous

Deb, please keep writing and get it all down on paper. It will help. I'm sorry for the loss you are feeling. It will ease in time. Just keep reading the post for lost spouses. You will gain a wealth of information to help you in the grieving process.
God be with you and may he give you strength to move forward in this most painful journey.

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