Deceit and Betrayal. My daughter isn't mine?

by Robert

My ex while I was deployed spent all of our money because of drug use. Not quite knowing of what happen because I gave her control of everything while I was gone. She got pregnant when I returned. I raised my little girl for over two and a half years. We divorced because of the financial turmoil she put us in and the complete loss of trust for her. I Loved my daughter more then anything. Everyone would say how i was like butter when i had her. Your such a great Dad and you can see the light in your eyes and the difference in you when you two are together. I would not change that for anything and I was so proud of her and how much she Loved me. Well like everything else it came to horrible end when i found out I was not the Biological Father. She just never let me see her again after she was caught in this horrible lie. I don't mean to sound like a Jerk but I have had close people to me pass. I tell you for me this is ten times worse. When people die you know it's going to hurt but you also know their gone and you can never see them again. I feel as if I abandoned her though my Ex just took her and legally my hands are tied. I'm treating this as a death but the unfortunate part is that she will forget me but I wont! I also live not to far from them and am so fearful I will see her and I wont be able to touch her or hold her. If anyone has been through this please tell me how you got through this. I will always consider her my daughter and through therapy have no choice but to treat this like a Death.

Comments for Deceit and Betrayal. My daughter isn't mine?

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Jul 08, 2014
by: Anonymous

My wife and I have had marital problems throughout our marriage, good times and bad times. But I always felt every time we had a bad moment, there was something else pushing us apart. In 2002, we decided to split up and continue our own separate life's. We had a 2 year old daughter together at the time. Well, a short time after that she came to me with the story of her being pregnant and when I asked her if the child was mine, she answered "YES"! Jump to present time, we were in the middle of our worst times in our marriage. This year has been a nightmare, first I discover she was emailing and talking on the phone with an ex-boyfriend and these emails were beyond friend status. When I discovered these emails, I felt as if my whole world was collapsing. After a couple of days of questions and frustrating moments, she confessed to me. Story is, our second child was conceived while we had decided to part ways, she ran into her ex-boyfriend at the beginning of the year (2014), and began to communicate frequently. During these communication windows my wife and I were at our lowest ends of our marriage and OUR communication was non-existence. Well, this is very common from what I've been discovering. Only time will tell if my wife and I will continue our marriage. To top it off, we have a younger son, a total of 3 children and I am not the biological father of our middle child, but in my eyes, she is my baby, just very hard to swallow. GOD is helping us and guiding us through these challenges!

Jun 22, 2014
She was mine for a while
by: Chris

My ex- girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We got back together once I heard this. I looked after her for 9 months, even though at first I didn't want to keep her. When she was born I was do proud, she was beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. When she was two months old I was told she may not be mine. I had a DNA test and couldn't believe when she wasn't mine.

My girlfriend already had a son, I just couldnt stay as one day I want kids of my own. I always think of them everyday, and I do feel I abandoned a mother and child. I just couldn't stay though, as I was too worried about the biological father turning up, or splitting and never seeing her. Ultimately she wasn't mine, but I always think now, before I knew she wasnt, she was mine, if that makes sense. Like everything horrible in life you just have to move on. Hopefully I will have children myself one day. It's devastating I know, but you can't let it destroy you.

Nov 11, 2013
same boat
by: kyle

I never realized how come this occurred i have a 3 year old ive been battling for custody since birth and had 50/50 after having full custody her first year of life i just got the paternity results yesterday i drank my night away and dont even know what to do i got a house full of kid toys and no baby i dont even know what to do ive never felt this kind of pain ever and knowing ill never see her again

May 18, 2013
Not good with words.
by: Nelso

I was completely unaware of how often this happens. I found out my 2 year old daughter wasn’t mine roughly 8 months ago and tonight whilst up at 3 in the morning thinking about her, decided to type my situation into Google. I was shocked to find the page full of identical stories to my own. I’m guessing by your comment you’re a fellow soldier, my only bit of advice is to surround yourself with your mates. They followed me down the drinking path and picked me up and dusted me off, none of them truly understood how I felt but was there to provide support. Every day I feel better but it doesn’t mean I don’t think about her, the way I see it is I know I gave her the best possible life and all the love I had for those 2 years. Just remember you’re not alone brother.

Dec 23, 2012
Same boat
by: Robert

Robert (same boat). I am not happy to see you went through the same situation that I have. It's been just over a year since I've seen the girl I thought was my daughter. I can tell you it does not get easier you just learn to move forward. Eventually you will know when the bad days are coming and can somewhat be prepared for the different emotions you will feel. You will think of her all the time. The smallest silliest things will trigger memories. There are things you won't be able to do, watch, eat etc. because you know it will be to painful. I will tell you that there are going to be days that every moment of her life flashes through your head for no reason. Sometimes they just put you in a good place though. It's a long hard road that you I both know will be there untill our end comes. You will learn to go on with life and just like myself you won't forget those memories.

Mar 16, 2012
Same boat
by: Robert

I am right there with you, divorced with a child that is not biologically mine. I completely understand the pain you feel when you say it is a death to you, even though nobody died, that it is even worse than loss to death. I was told by a father who had lost his daughter in death that he felt my loss was worse for the exact reason you mention, at least he knows his daughter is gone. I feel the same way as you, and in many ways I even feel I have died myself. We suffer the same sense of loss, though our child is still right around the corner, just out of reach. I am struggling to cope with daily life and found your post here while searching the internet for a support group or something to help. Your post is the first thing I have found that matches my situation. I wish, as you ask in your post, I could give you advice on dealing with this, but I'm am just as lost in the pain of it as you are. The only solace I can offer is the knowledge that you are not alone in this struggle, that other fathers are out there, losing their child to cheating and false paternity.

Dec 16, 2011
i understand
by: a foster mom

Your daughter, is your daughter.
I raised a little boy from four days till he was two and a half years old. Mom stayed off drugs six weeks, judge gave him back to her.

I lost MY son, and my son lost his mother.
There is no end to the grief, all we can do is pray God help us through it.

These children will in the end suffer. The ones who rip them away are heartless monsters.

I agree with the other writer. You might have rights if on the birth certificate. I would check into it.

Fight till you can't fight anymore, I did.
Then go on, never forgetting.

I pray your pain eases,

A mom

Dec 12, 2011
So horrible!
by: Kim

Wow Robert I am just shocked. I also lost my husband in July of this year of a sudden heart attack like Pat. It is very painful but I have 2 beautiful kids to help comfort me and I comfort them. My kids are my whole world, they always have been. I can't even imagine what it would be like to know that they are near but I couldn't talk to them or hug them and say I love you. I think your right that I know I will never see my husband again but if I could some how I would do anything and everything to make it happen. Are you on the birth certificate? I would think if you are then you would be entitled to see her. I've heard of other cases where a guys name was on the birth certificate and then he found out later the kid wasn't his and he was still ordered to pay child support because his name was on the birth certificate. I would think it might work in your favor too. Please look into it and talk to someone legal. A lot of lawyers will give you a free consultation so at least do that and see where you stand. As a woman I just don't understand the games other women play on their exes minds and there own kids too. Women never used to be so evil the way some are these days. I will pray for you and I really hope things work out for you. Shame on your ex for doing this to you and she is also making her daughter suffer too:(( Good luck and if you want I would like you to let me know how things go. You can comment back on this page and I will see it. Take care, Kim

Dec 12, 2011
My daughter isn't mine
by: Pat J

Don't give up so easily on your daughter. She, you say is not your biological daughter; yet you were married to her mother at the time of her birth, right? That makes you legally are her father. I would really check into that further. If you can't afford a lawyer, there are free legal services out there.
You love her like your own and have every right to be a part of her life. I'm sure it will be a difficult step to take. I can only imagine.
Just like you said, you didn't lose a loved one by death; well I , married 46 years, lost my husband of a massive heart attack in June of this year. No, I will never see him again in this life or feel his touch or hear his voice; but your DAUGHTER IS STILL HERE. Try to do what you can, to be a part of her life. Don't just give up, give it your best shot.

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