Depressed, Lonely, Guilty, Can't Concentrate and Can't Stop Crying...All of the above
I am almost 37 and never been married. All I ever wanted was to share my life with someone and have a family. I have traveled, moved to another location, earned my Master's Degree and experienced so much of the freedom of my life over the years, but that empty feeling of not sharing it with someone else consistently seems to plague me. I have had several long term relationships and they just never seem to work out for one reason or another, usually for very good reasons.
I just lost another one a few days ago in which I thought I had finally found the one I would marry. We both thought we had a future together and talked of it often. We lived a little distance from each other and our work schedules differed, so we spent every weekend together at his home and always had such a wonderful time. He texted me a good morning message every day and we talked every night and shared the events of our respective days.
We had a good connection and felt a lot of love for each other; however, I consistently had this nagging feeling like something was not right. Without getting into too much detail, instead of recognizing that we just had differences, I let this feeling overtake me and became accusatory in ways toward him that eventually drove him away.
He was definitely not without his own contribution to the demise of our relationship; however, after taking a step back and realizing what needed to be done, I truly wanted to work things out and he did not. He ended the relationship abruptly and basically said that it could not be worked out because my lack of trust and lack of respect for who he is was too much. I tried to get him to see things from my perspective, but it was too late. I know there is nothing to be done now and I feel helpless and at despair.
I realize that this is an opportunity too for growth and learning, as I learned a great deal about myself from this experience. We clearly were just not right for each other and/or both of us let many misunderstandings get in the way of a truly wonderful relationship. But I am having so much difficulty getting through the day. I am trying, but the pain and loss is so overwhelming at times, I can't concentrate and am finding it hard to cope, which is why I came to this website. I am trying really hard not to latch on to the belief that I will never find a life partner because I just don't seem to ever get it right.
It has really helped to share my story, as I am typing, I do feel a sense of relief from all of these uncomfortable feelings.
Thanks for listening.