Depression, menopause or grief?

by Hope
(Tappahannock)

grief and manopause

grief and manopause

I am having some rough days as of late. I feel some sort of absolute need to get off the medication (Prozac) as if My time is up for grief. As I was taking one of the daily pills. A co worker asked what is that for? Being embarrassed Needing such a pill I tried to evade the question. If only I could lie, or evade the truth. If only I would say this is for my colesterol (sp) or something...

But noooooooo, My response was I don't know... this is a none of your F'ing business pills. I said that because another co-worker one that is as communicative as a rock was there. I did not want to reveal that I had a weakness. That grief for both my father and husband had brought me to need a Pill to get through the day.

Now had it been just person # 1 and Myself, I would have said this is my crazy pill...want one? and we would have joked about it.

This hurt her feelings and for 2 days I got that constipated look people give you when they are pissed at you. You know that grimace/smile as you pass each other.

Finally I could stand it no more, We talked she told me that it was a really bad time for me to lash out at her. I explained again it was only because _______ was there and I was embarrassed.

She told me that she had a blood test and that she IS going through menopause and that she finds herself getting teary at the drop of a hat.

Wow! a light bulb went off in my head! Could it be not just grief that I was experiencing but menopause as well? What a really crappy double wammi that is.

But at least it explains the sensitivity overload that I feel as of late. I feel a huge depression and it is not the same as the beginning of grief. So it does make me wonder...What is the difference between menopause, grief and depression? They all can go hand and hand. And that over whelming feeling What is wrong with Me! can be explained.

Hey just saying, it is hard to tell the difference. The highs and lows of emotions makes you feel bipolar, but it is not so it is just grief making a dip the ebb and flow that I thought was done. Perhaps it never is...
HH

Comments for Depression, menopause or grief?

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Oct 28, 2013
Menopause among other things
by: Anonymous

My mother died 4 months ago, and I'm starting menopause. Lu's my husband has a new job and our entire schedule had been upended. He works long nights and gets home around noon and sleeps all day. I'm struggling so much with all this. I'm in tears several times a day. My daughter is grown and lives in another state and the role I had was working part time and being a homemaker. There's no routine for meals or anything anymore. I don't sleep with him or eat dinner with him. I feel lost and depressed. I do t know where to go in my life and I have no motivation . I've. Tried church and other group stuff. It's been rather unsatisfying. I dont ever get excited or interested in anything anymore.

Mar 23, 2012
Depression, Menopause or Grief?
by: HH

M Mack,

Thank you so much for your comment. I know that there is no set time limit for grief and that I am my own worst enemy. I want to fix it and we know there is no fixing grief.

I have had the blues these last few weeks and just the possibility that a menopause moment is occurring may explain my teariness makes me feel better.

It is going to be my sons 14th birthday next week, we are celebrating it this weekend. Finally it occurred to me that trying so very hard to be excited as he is is difficult, somewhere in the back of my mind I know that he was 11 when his father died. How very hard it was to celebrate that 12th birthday only months later...

He has grown so very big and tall since his father died. Even family members comment on this and I can only think as Paul used to say "Your going to be big like your Uncle Steve"

The loneliness is magnified as my sons Birthday draws near.
I still wear my wedding band or some band on the left hand. I still feel married though technically single for 2 years and a few months. I wonder if I am a Mrs. or a Ms.

Anyway I do not try to explain grief, just try to ride the grief train and survive. Grief does have a way of making you feel crazy, But I know that I am not crazy...Just crazy with grief and now menopause.
HH

Mar 22, 2012
Everything at once
by: M Mack

Hi Hope,

I'm sorry you're not feeling well and honestly I'm not great either. I know it's been awhile for you but do you really think times up in the grieving process? I've been designating a time frame because it has been 20 months! I tell myself -I'm not gonna cry today or I won't think about him tomorrow. We live with time frames for everything we do in this life. Also, I went to a therapist. I thought she was helpful. She said that depression can be a healthy stage of grieving but we can get stuck there. What complicates grief is when it taps into early traumas such as divorce, a terminally ill family member, passing of a loved one. Our current grief gets compounded by depressions that preceded it. As far as the menopause thing......you'll know when it comes. You'll feel like your thrown into the desert. There are more symptoms than just anger.
Don't be afraid to get professional help to cope. I for one don't believe in meds but some do well with it. Don't take all the blame with those co-workers. I'm sure they've done their fair share of being bitches. Try to cope, and vent whenever you need to. Even though I'm a combined nutcase of grief, menopause and depression doesn't mean I don't care and can't sympathize. We are all here for you and we can get through this - and we will get through this for sure!

Mar 21, 2012
Depression Menopause or Grief?
by: HH

I am home, under the weather. Paul normally would have shooed me to bed, fixed dinner, kept the kids out of the room while I healed.

It feels so very lonely knowing that there is no one to take care of you spoil you, make you feel better...

Spent some time talking to ask a nurse about a UTI then switched over to menopause/grief. She was so helpful and kind and though not Paul. All the times that I took care of him and he me. The worst kind of alone is when you are sick and alone.

I feel so very down and not sure what to do with these feelings. So I come here, the safe place as I have in the past. I am so much stronger now yet feel helpless and alone. I Miss him and Love him still. Been 2 years 3 months. When will the hurt go away?

Mar 20, 2012
Depression, menopause or grief
by: Anonymous

I'm very sorry for what you're going through. Grief mimics depression, menopause is a grief unto itself and as women getting older we go into the stage of the change of life, never easy by itself, coupled with grief and depression we wonder what happened to our sanity. Whatever you're feeling it's normal. My heart goes out to you, be strong and know you can overcome this traumatic time in your life, we don't know how long as we all grieve differently and heal at different times. My prayers are with you.

Mar 19, 2012
There is Hope for Hope
by: Judith in California

Dear Hope, Firstly, I'm feel so bad you are still having so much difficulty. It's been a horrible time dealing with your loves passing.

Secondly, I believe you have been misdiagnosed to be put on Prozac. By the way ,I love the answer you gave when asked . IT's really none of anyone's business why or what you are taking. It's also rude to ask. Sometimes when someone ask me a nosy question I tell them "Why do you need to know". Co-workers can stab you in the back with your private business.

Thirdly, there are subtle differences between, grief, depression and menopause but there are major differences also. You may only need to be on HRT. You may just need to see a therapist to help you sort it all out. I hate to see anyone be put on meds for depression when all they are is sad. You can turn this around Hope. You are a strong woman. Remember all you did for your love? You had to be strong. You didn't need prozac while doing all of that.

I care. If you want to talk more please e-mail me at judith.giglio@sbcglobal.net.

Take care and God bless.

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