Depression still bad, after 2 yrs. following the death
(Mine Hill, NJ)
Back on Jan, 29th, of 2012, I lost my husband of 44 years to liver cancer-as a result of colon cancer-which had been successfully removed through several operations, at (1) at our local hospital, & like 3 more liver resections done at in NYC. It has been 2 years, that he has passed, & I'm still feeling very depressed-actually most recently it has been very troubling. I take **mbalta 60mg, & **perdone was added-yet like these past few days, it has been very horrible depression-I would love to be happy again-I have 3 real good children,that would do whatever they could for me. & I also have a little grandson now one & a half years old-My depression recently has been awful-I am torn, as to where I should live-the house, where my husband,our kids & I lived, needs a lot of work to be done on it, & I am in a rental, that my son owns. My husband, did not make mention, of any symptoms,which indicated he had colon cancer-it was not detected till,the cancer was at a stage !V-which I have come to understand as a very critical phase-it was first dealt with through ablation,which we were made to believe, that it would rid him of it somewhat,but, being as all the liver resections were performed, and yet the bleeding from the last surgery, was so profuse, I truly think,that is why he was in total kidney failure, when he came out of surgery, his lungs had taken a bad hit, as well as his heart-I truly feel that the blood thinner. **adaxa, did him in-& that was prescribed by the cardiologist -he was doing fine on **umadin-my grief recently has been very terrible-I just want to be happy again-if my husband,had taken notice, of his medical warning signs, he possibly would have been with us today. How can I overcome this horrible grief-I know, my husband, did not want to do any more of the chemo treatments-he did not want the side effects-it gave-he told me, he wanted to just die-but he seemed fine,when he went in for this last operation. Do I put the responsibility of this cancer on myself-counselors have told me, it was my husband,that should have taken responsibility for his health problems-I thought he had irritable bowel issues- My husband was 67,when he went to Heaven-& left me a widow-am I to blame??