I am sorry. I know this is going to be along one. Don't feel like you have to read it. I just want to say it and really have no one to say it to. The last couple weeks have been really hard for me. There is no one to talk to. I used to get into a funk once in a while and Roger always was able to get me out of it. He even made a list and put it on the refrigerator "Why Yvonne should be happy". (damn since he died the list is missing and I cry at night wishing I could find it.) I feel selfish thinking about me but the problem is I never did before. Roger always looked out for me.He always made sure I was OK. Now he is not here. I can understand why people talk about giving up. Don't get me wrong I have no intention of doing anything but when you are so depressed and the person who always took care of you is gone what do you do? He was there for me for the little things. Headaches, broken dishes, lost anythings. We would sit and talk for hours, just talk. I miss that so much. Had a bug yesterday, probably something I caught from the kids at school it happens now and then. Roger used sit me down get me a drink and a blanky. I miss that so much.
I layed down on the couch where Roger died. I never sit there it was his spot. But I layed there last night and cried. I cried myself to sleep then woke up this morning and cried some more.
I often wish that it had been me. He was so strong and I am not. Someone once said that the strong one is the one who is left. It isn't true. I am not strong I find it hard to talk about these things. I know I should get through it but sometimes I really don't think I want to. I can't imagine my life without him, he was so much a part of me. I don't want to be alone I just want to be with him. Everyone says it gets easier but for me it is getting harder. These lonely weekends where days go by and I don't talk to a single soul. When there is no place to go. I really hate my life now and don't see me feeling any different ever. He was my life- He was my everything. I am so lonely without him!
I am sorry it is so long but there is just no one to talk to and I guess when you aren't feeling too good emotions seem to come out! stronger.