Devastated

My father passed away this past October. I used to drive back and forth from clients and talk to him about my kids, clients/ work/ the weather - anything. He's been very sick for a long time and from what I've been told, he would sit and listen and not cough - just listen. The drive to clients is so empty. My wife has told me she doesn't know if she loves me anymore so I don't call her in between clients. The days are very full, 4 kids, self employed, the phone rings non stop.

In the quiet moments between the storm, I think of him and the hole that's left in my soul.

His birthday is coming up next week and I miss him so.

I want one more hug, I want to take the fishing trip that we talked about for years and never could make the time.

My mother played gatekeeper and would block my calls to him until after I listened to her droll about her latest pain or annoyance. Brother and sister are out of my life which is a blessing. However, I feel alone and miss him dearly.

Comments for Devastated

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Feb 03, 2011
devestated
by: jules

The first words that came to me were - "how sad" - who is there for you - can you repair the rift with your wife? Do you still live together - with four kids it must be hard - at times like this, when we are hurting most, we need support and compassion - who is there for you?
Your mother may have seemed to be keeping you from your father, but just maybe she was calling out for care and compassion as well, after all, he was her husband -
This time in your life is not the time to hang onto old gripes and feelings of resentment or anger.
You need to take time for yourself, to grieve, to take stock, please keep coming on this site - read what others have to see - go the The Grief Club - there are a lot of words of wisdom there.
Please take care
one step, one breath
jules

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