Devastated

i found out just before Xmas last that my husband was pretty much living with another women under an assumed name.I am still in shock.After 30yrs. ...never would I have believed he could do something like this.I really trusted him but now after some real soul searching I realize there were red flags I guess I chose to ignore.Turns out he is a full on sex addict narcissis.I can hardly believe all the lies.He would tell me his trips out of town were different projects he was working on. I had no reason not to believe him.During the time away he was just a couple miles away with the other women who is 30 yrs. younger than me. I am so hurt and devastated I can't even make it through the day sometimes.ther is so much to be said but I just can't say it right now. Maybe another time.I am feeling so beaten down. I left him, of course, staying with my children for now ,going through a divorce...and feeling so homesick .How do you start over after 30yrs? And when does the pain go away?

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Aug 21, 2012
Devastated
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Devastated, I am sorry for your loss of your marriage. How does anyone go on from the death of a marriage? You will feel as if all the stuffing has been knocked out of you. Just knowing that your husband has not died but actually chosen someone else leaves you feeling helpless. You have a 30yr. history together and this cannot be wiped out. An investment that didn't mature. You are fortunate that you have your children around you to support you whilst you work out what you are going to do with your life. It is a very hard place to be. I too was once at this crossroads. It was hard as I had young children to bring up. Who knows what is in the mind of a man to walk away from 30yrs of marriage. Even if he chose someone younger there will come a day when he will be too old for her and he will be left in the same place. Experiencing what he did to you. You will only recover if you see this as HIS LOSS. NOT YOURS. Turn it around so you don't feel that you have lost. Since there is no going back you can only move forward by getting yourself some counselling to help you over the grief of this loss. When you are stronger you will be able to put a new man in your life. Even if it is only for Companionship. I wonder how your husband would feel if you chose a younger man? My husband and I nearly split up only because he worked all over the world and he had a job that didn't give him the stability of being together till he retired. Instead my husband developed a deadly cancer and I nursed him for over 3yrs. till he died 14 weeks ago. He was the love of my life and we were married 44yrs. We didn't get to have those good times. My husband died 11 months into his retirement and he was very ill for the whole of the 3yr. cancer journey. The nursing staff were apparently talking all around the hospital about me and the care I gave my husband. It took my loving care of him whilst he was dying for him to know how much he was loved. I could never ever love another man or replace my husband. But I would love to have a companion in my life to help with the lonliness. Either this or I dedicate my life to some charity so my days are fulfilled. Best wishes with whatever you decide to do. You can email me if you need to doreenelkington@aol.com

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