Devastation and Deceit
I married Mike a few months after my first divorce was final, a long and arduous process that took over 2 years. I was so lonely and, I guess, tired of constantly doing for myself; I wanted a partner.
When I met Mike, he looked so sad too, and I thought that maybe we could help each other out of the grief of painful relationships. We had fun together, but there were many things I ignored. He moved so fast, that I got caught up in the momentum.
Looking back, there were things I should have paid more attention so, like the warnings of outsiders, that I now regret. Things with his biological children concerned me, but I denied it by thinking that different families do things different ways. What they did never really seemed to matter; they were almost like feral cats. Then there was the way he treated my son, as if he didn't matter or as though he were angry with him all the time. Then there was me. Like a fixture, he always assumed I would do all things necessary while he did all things fun. I worked for my kids, and he enjoyed himself. My kids had clothes from the second hand store and he had new quads. We weren't partners.
The problem with Mike and I helping each other out of the grief was that he was not entirely honest. Even now that the relationship is ending, I'm still not sure I know Mike. I thought he was so honorable, yet he cheated on me with a woman whose kitchen he remodeled. He hid the relationship for 9 months. Even when I asked what was wrong, asked if there was someone else, or asked to get counseling, he would deny me, and I guess, her. He would tell me that he loved me and wanted to be in a committed relationship with me. Though perhaps that is part of my denial, he never really seemed like he wanted to leave. But when I confronted him with the affair, he couldn't stay: my rule.
I feel as though this new woman he's found almost fits my prototype, not to mention the prototype of his former wife: unconfident, needy, sad. She was feeling empty in her life, he was having mid-life issues, and now they're together. He can no longer speak for himself. He does not seem like my Mike. I guess he wants her to handle the "messy" issues. She sends me nasty grams, like she knows me or knows our relationship. She wants to act like my youngest child's mother, and it sickens me. Her child is grown. But I am a good mother and sure don't need her help. He'll use her like he did me: some sad story about an ineffective mom, and she'll be right there trying to mother again.
I feel so devastated and betrayed. There were no major warning signs that he was unhappy. There were no conversations that he needed something more. All of the sudden there was nothing. And that's how I feel, like nothing.