by Diana
(Greensboro nc)

on nov. 24 2004 I found my 20 year old son laying on his bedroom floor with blood in his ear and a 38 gun under his leg still in his hand all I did was scream and beg him to get up. my story is different because he was a black man and he didn't count. even though the bullet in his head was a 22

Comments for Deven

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Jul 22, 2011
about deven
by: Anonymous

about deven I think you don"t understand my son did not kill him self his blood alcohol level was so high he would have been commatose unable to kill himself thats why I say he did not matter

Jul 08, 2011
All Gods Children Count
by: Anonymous

Dear Diana.

I am so sorry for you and the loss of your son Deven. Don't think for a minute your son did not count as he was a human being and much more to the people who loved him.

I too found my son with a self-inflicted gun shot to his head. Your son and mine where in pain for reasons we will never understand. You will never get an answer to your question of why he did what he did as I have asked myself this question 100 times a day for the last 5 months.

Remember this he did count he was your son and you loved him.

Jul 05, 2011
your son is special,same as mine
by: Anonymous

I am so sad and sorry for your huge loss of your beautiful son Deven. Yes he did count just the same as my son who was 23, he has as much value and love as my son does. You feel just as I feel an overwhelming pain that will forever live in your heart. Your Deven will still send you his love and you will forever send him your love....Love never dies....We live from day to day trying to get by. I send you my love and a message of healing...I will be thinking of you and your son.I know if Deven and my son should meet my son Dean would shake his hand and welcome him as a friend for eternity. take care xxx

Jul 05, 2011
Red, yellow, black, white...
by: Anonymous

Dear Diana, These words are a part of an old chorus my children sang when they were small. The phrase continued, "all are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world." This is truth. We are each uniquely loved by the God of heaven. In fact, He loves our chidren MORE than we do! Pretty amazing, right? Your loss may be similar to our loss which was to suicide. Our son was in his prime and getting the degree of his choice. But a lady broke off their relationship and he ended his life.

We are broken too. But I do understand much more now that I did then. Depression comes in all shapes and sizes and our son (we are pretty sure) had it for years. He always managed to study and get good grades and get good jobs with no problems, but there had to be a deep sadness and it peeked through to me at times, but probably to no one else. And yes!!! I have raked myself over the coals for not being vigilent enough, etc. But God knows and understands our pain. He also knows how much our children can take and sometimes, He just lets them take a nap where they are at peace in death with no more struggle. This may be what they need, but it is so difficult to be left behind and try to pick up the pieces. But I trust that the God of heaven who loves my son also loves you and me and He will never leave or forsake any of His children of any size, shape or color. He loves us just the way He created us. Hold on to the hope of seeing him again. Blessings, GT

Jul 03, 2011
i hurt for you
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my son 4-6-10. He took his own ife. I have so much guilt for not knowing what was going to happen. Losing a child is the worst thing in the world. The pain is so horrible. Each day a nightmare. I just want you to know there are people who care. If there was a way to ease your suffering I would. He was your child, your heart. I do not know why you state he did not matter due to his color but he did, he does.

Jul 02, 2011
Your Son DOES Count!!!!!
by: Laurie Leveille

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine your pain. Losing a child is a pain that no one else can ever understand. I too lost my 21 year old son this January 16th, 2011 just nine days before his 22nd birthday. It is a pain that cuts so deep, you can never live a day without hurting beyond belief. Although he died a tragic death from an unknown illness, I did not have to deal with the pain of a suicide. This must be the most tragic of all losses. I feel so bad that you have to deal with such a tragic loss. Whether your son was white, black, Asian, Indian or another nationality, he DOES count!!!!! He is your son, your life, your world. The color of his skin does not take away from how important he was to you, to other family members or his friends. He is a person; he is important and he always will be. Remember that not all people in this world care only about the color of another person's skin. There are many people here like myself that care about those around us. As long as an individual is kind, caring and loving to others, the color of his skin really does NOT matter. Deven is a person; he is important to so many people and he will always matter. I am so terribly sorry that you have to deal with your son's loss but also with individuals who are prejudiced.

I just want you to know that I too can feel your pain and am so sorry that you have to bear the burden. Remember, there are others in this world who do wish to ease your pain and comfort you in some way just by letting you know that we do care.

Be strong. I hope somehow that you will find comfort from your pain. I know that this is easier said than done. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your unimaginable loss.

Take care!

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