by ed

My wife filed for divorce 1 month ago before our 19 year anniversary. She is 39, I'm 44..We have been together for 22 years and have four beautiful children together, 2 girls and 2 boys.
We had problems like any marriage but I always was the one begging for forgiveness wether it was my fault or not. Petty things mostly, money, kids.. Now she's telling me that she is done and cant handle it anymore. She just wants out, to live her life, away from me. I don't think there is another man but I also don't go looking because I don't want to know, I don't know what I would do.
She is the women of my dreams even with our differences in the marriage, I grew to love and accept her for who she was, isn't that what love and marriage is about, acceptance?
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I feel like I can't even enjoy my beautiful children. I feel so devastated. We have talked but when we do, it's about how much I disgust her. Her hate and contempt for me after all these years, after all we have done, all we have been through is eating me alive.
I know she won't change her mind and stop this divorce, she has too many negative influences. Her family and friends keep telling her to get out, life is too short to feel this way.
We went to counseling, she never followed one recommendation. I've given my heart and soul to my beautiful wife and she's just chewing on my heart and spitting it out. I'm so lost, so hurt and so devastated.

Comments for Devestated

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Feb 10, 2012
by: Ed

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I realize that lots of people have to deal with divorce but I never ever wanted to be one of them. I was always the guy who listened and gave the encouragement not realizing that one day, I was to become a victim. I guess, I just never dreamed the girl I fell in love with so many years ago, could be so spitefull, cold and hateful. I seen her today for just a moment and was still as head over heels with her despite how she has become towards me. It hurts to know after all these years and all our beautiful children, that she could just walk away from our marriage, without any hesitation. I could go on and on and on, but I won't. I just wanted to say thank you and god bless.

Feb 08, 2012
by: Janet

Hi Ed,

After commenting earler on your sorrow, I was on Facebook and a friend had posted something that kind of is there for all of us.

It is: When you are going through something hard and wondering where GOD is remember the teacher is always quiet during a test.

I thought it strange at first but then I remembered your grief and all the others that come to this site and it just kind of fits for some reason. We sometimes forget about him during this journey. Take care of yourself.

Come here often and know that you are not alone. Take one step, one breath and one day at a time.
We are all here for each other despite our pain.

Feb 08, 2012
Do not Despair
by: Janet

I understand where you are coming from, Ed. My husband and I went through one seperation in the 25 plus years of our marriage. Ours was based on a lack of trust on both parts. We did manage to work through it and because of it we had a stronger marriage. Marriage is not just about acceptance. It is about a committment to the vows that you both took back then. We both said time and again during our years of marriage that it was till death do us part and we believed in the vows that we took. It took a lot of hard work on both of our parts doing our time together to get through the rough times as well as the good times.

It does get easier. You cannot blame yourself for this. It takes two people to make a marriage work but only one to end it. The best thing that you can do for yourself and your children is to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Don't criticize her nor put her down in front of the children, friends or family. That is the worst mistake that anyone can make when going through a divorce. I know because that is what my mother did when she divorced my father years ago. She left my dad and my three brothers forty something years ago. No reasons given.

It is not an easy journey. It requires a lot of hard work and faith to get through this trying time in your life. Just take one breath, one step and one day at a time. Remember that you are not alone as there are others out there going through the same thing.

There is a book out that deals with the main theme of the movie "Fireproof". Unfortunately, I do not remember the name of the book. I saw it in the book section at Target one day last week. Try to locate the book and spend so time reading it. I am not in a point where I can read it but one of these days I will get it. Another good book on this site is "Tear Soup". It is well worth reading and one I would recommend to anyone. I ordered the book and have read it twice now. It is one I will read time and again as I deal with the loss of my husband. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Ed.

Feb 08, 2012
by: Pat J.

Your 4 children need to know they can always depend on you, their dad. They are a part of you.
Seek counseling for yourself; find out who you are and what your needs are. Pray, pray to our heavenly Father for his help and strength. We often forget, there is a loving God, waiting for us to reach out to him.
I don't want to give advice, because I am dealing with the loss of my husband of 46 years to death, 7 months ago. He died of a massive heart attack, the day after our 46th wedding anniversary. We had our ups and downs; everyone does; but marriages are not made in heaven. They take hard work, by both of us. It sound like your wife wants out for whatever reason. Give her space, but be there for your kids. Your marriage is failing, but don't fail your kids. God bless you and seek help.

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