Dianne - My Son

by Dianne

I am so sorry for the grief you and I am suffering. I lost my darling son Lee, lost what a strange word but how true. I don,t know where he is, what is this other place, is he happy is he just okay. Just one more time to hold him, but I know I will want just one more time then another after that. Pain fear horror 5 months everyone else coming to terms with him not being here. My darling baby was 38, but to me he was the protective hand I placed across my stomach, the nights walking the floor, the mummy cuddles, the So deep shared love and understanding. Have to walk on but my mind says I am going insane. I NEED to know is my Son safe in this other place I can't see.

Comments for Dianne - My Son

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Aug 07, 2014
Tired afraid
by: Mum-mommeee

What can I really say. My heart and soul are destroy , my idea of life and love don't exist anymore. You my SON my darling baby my everything that was good in my life. PLEASE some one tell me that I will hold him in my arms again one day, and that in the mean time he is safe and happy. PLEASE because I so need to know he is happy and safe in this place I can,t see.

Jul 28, 2014
by: Dianne

Why is this world taking these beautiful wonderful talented young men at an aged when they are at their finest. What is happening that they need to walk outside the boring boundaries that life now is giving to the real men. They are hunters providers careers , but they have nothing to do in this world so they beat them selves up, don,t understand their roll and resort to a poison. Women's lib deprived mum,s of their adult son,s as our boys had no were to go. That is my son and I am bloody angry.

Jul 25, 2014
by: Mum

19 months,,, nothing changes, yes it does I know it's not so in my head. But I will not believe that their is no existence of you my beautiful clever son in this world. Because if I do then I don't understand what this world is about . You are a good kind man so why did you suffer so much misery. Will look for you my darling for as long as it takes to find you and hold you in my arms again. Your Mum xxx

Jan 02, 2014
Miss you
by: Mum (Dianne)

My darling son, miss your presence miss our hugs miss the smell, touch of you. But something's will never change, will, do, worry about you always - are you happy are you warm ARE you alright my darling child, my beautiful son, have you found your happiness. Wish my questions could be answered. Mum will be able to manage if she knew you were happy and content. Because I can't see you dosn't mean I don't worry about you every minute of every day .

Dec 05, 2013
by: Dianne

Well my darling this is one year to-day. One year of being totally oblivious to any world but this world of pain and longing. I miss you so very much.

Nov 29, 2013
by: Dianne

Lost didn't know what I should do. But I will not allow your birthday (the celebrateion of the day I gave birth to you ) just go by. Hope I did right. We you family went to YOUR favourite pub, lite a candle to you, opened your cards, drank a toast to your birthday. Signed balloons and as we left released them. Hope you got them and all the messages of love, but mostly of how much we all miss you. Did it give me comfort, I don't know darling. Nothing will take the agony of losing you away, I will never do forever as that is to horrific to comprehend. But neither will I sit and allow your special days to just go by. In a few days time my darling son I must face the hardest day of my life .... One year since I held you, kissed you smelt the scent of you. I want to scream I want to shout I want to claw the pain and misery out, but some how I will stand tall and do what I am supposed to do. And that is keep the memory of a beautiful kind talented loving person, my darling SON alive.

Nov 03, 2013
by: Dianne

11months on Tuesday. 27tth this month your birthday . No reason no rhyme to what you suffered. Stupid mum xxx

Oct 16, 2013
This gets easier does it
by: Mum

My darling child, how does life get easier?? . I now believe the beginning of this is the easier part... Your body and mind is numb with grieve you go through the motions as if you have been put in a trance. Next month is your birthday ... Another real life event, my beautiful son you will be 39 years old. Where do I send your card, will I get a me you hug. Will I see your beautiful face, will I hear your voice. I can,t do the rubbish of never. I love you so much you can,t just disappear out of my life.

Oct 10, 2013
Turn back time
by: Always your mum

If only I could my darling. Miss you like . Can,t do it .. Can,t do the forever thing. How would I live if my mind had to really acknowledge that I would never hold, see, feel you again. Have what I think are okay days but if I have to speak about my feelings for you my heart breaks again into a million pieces. I know it,s wrong but I can,t do ?.. I have lost you forever. Your are some where out their my darling and I will find you again. Till then remember that from the second I saw you I loved you and not one second on this earth did that change and it never will do . Be safe be happy be free. One day darling I pray that I will hold you in my arms again . Till that time may you find the peace contentment joy and love that you could,nt find here. Sugar puff mommeee. Love mum xxx

Sep 11, 2013
You are and always will be
by: Dianne

My darling wonderful son, I will not walk on and leave you behind, I will not be dictated to as to when and how I deal with the fact i may never see you again. YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE MY WONDERFUL, CLEVER,GENTLY KIND SON. Always my darling xxx

Sep 08, 2013
My son
by: Dianne

I won't. Forget my son. He is my world my every thing.

Aug 07, 2013
Lets sit together
by: Mum

8 months and 3 days darling. I miss you so very much my son. You never knew how much that word SON ment to me but from the minute you were born I absolutely adored you. It was such a special kind of love, I think from the moment I saw you I knew you would hold my love forever. Your ARE (will not say were) the most amazing talented loveliest person. Why this world treated you so cruelly I am finding so hard to understand.

Jul 03, 2013
by: Mum

7 months on the 5th, is it easier No I remember the phone call the arrangements the total shut down. It was my job to bring you home my job to arrange the service my job to thank every one my job to see that everyone was protected from this horror. Now I sit on my own at night waiting till their all in bed so that I can spend time with you. My darling son I do your facebook, send you messages to your e.mail account , text your phone. I,ve tried to convince myself that you have moved to another country and that's are only means of contact. But I know in my head that that's not true i know that I will never hold you smell you laugh with you again. My darling son my soul mate how do you survive as only half a person because that's how I feel without you .

Jul 02, 2013
by: Dianne

Jane I have just found your page about how your darling son Travis died and my heart goes out to you. My darling son died on his own and that is a nightmare I scream that I was,nt near that their was no one. But to see what you saw on that day with your Travis. I to go to his face book write comments , get no response, ring his phone even though I have it , send text messages, e.mail etc. You just can't lose them Can you.

Jul 02, 2013
by: Dianne

How can I say thank you when I know your pain, feel so alone. I won't let my son go he was a good man he does not deserve to be pushed aside after a few months. I have only just received your message. What was Travis like, how old was he like, What happened??? Sorry that I,ve only just got your message, if you read please respond.

Jun 26, 2013
My Dear Dianne, Mother, Protector
by: Jane Travis's Mom

Dear Mom,
I read your post and I cried til I couldn't even breathe. Everything you said is exactly how I feel. I've begged for a sign any sign to let me know my son is ok. I pull up his Facebook and I still post things to him but everyone else has stopped, he was so loved but others are moving on, I want to yell and say "STOP" how are you doing that? How can you already forget about my Travis? That's something that isn't my choice or anything I can control and I do accept that, but let me go back and focus on me wanting and begging for a sign that my son is ok.... I believe it was the day after his funeral and I didn't doze off to sleep til 5am and I'm still not sleeping worth a darn and that morning I was woken up by a movie that was on TV it was a movie that's been out a longtime infact it was In movie theaters back in 1990 the same year my Travis was born and I can remember renting it for him over and over back when he got up older (3 to 4 yrs old) and he loved this movie, well that was the movie that was on and in many ways I want to accept that as my sign or was it just coincidence? I just want you to know your not alone and I hope your doing better and I'm thinking of you.

Warm wishes to you,
Jane Travis's Mom

Jun 25, 2013
by: Mum

Sure I saw you darling walk past the other day , my head said no it can,t be but every fibber in my body told me it was you. Shouted you. Your dad saw you to but said it can't be, YOU KNOW THAT
I have done a lot of thinking and I have to say I am so sorry, how arrogant to think that you can put a child through situations and say that it's okay because you love them. When you are not going threw thoughs situations you have created as a child. I am so sorry, I love you so very much but now I realise that I failed you and taught you to aspect abuse.

Jun 12, 2013
by: Mum

Please come home now. I miss you so much , I,m starting to believe this is real and it can,t be. It,s got to be a nightmare that's what I said and I will wake up and we would be okay. I,m scared because its going on to long please please let me wake up in the morning and this has been a terrible nightmare.

Jun 03, 2013
My darling wonderful son
by: Mommeee

It's stupid insane 6months in 2 days. Feel so sick O my dearest wonderful gentle kind son PLEASE don't be dead come home please I miss you so much. I am so very sorry darling I left you on your own how could I have been so stupid when you were so vulnerable. Please come back I am lost without you

May 29, 2013
by: Dianne

Dignity and respect mom you called in my head. I stood tall for you at you funeral I played the part. Then I sat still and did nothing as I thought that it would keep us close but the days moves on without me and took us further apart. I want you back my darling son. Your ashes sit in a box next to me and I don't know where they should be. Do you want to be free or stay safe in the family. You were so abused and used in 10 months destroyed. I can't write the pain as I can't explain.the pure terror i feel that i won,t see you again. O my darling darling son. I wish I could scream I wish I could turn back time.

May 22, 2013
To anonymous
by: Dianne

Thank you so much, just to know that someone understand my fears but also so sorry that you are also in this terrible place.

May 22, 2013
by: Anonymous

I have that same problem. Is your soul happy with God now.
That will be ok but WHERE ARE YOU?!!......
I need to know I need to know you are content,happy.
I DONT KNOW none of us KNOW we just say what we have been taught from books considered holy. No one has been there and seen their precious one! WORDS do not help......becuase we are not together and you cannot let me know.

May 22, 2013
Dianne - My Son
by: Doreen U.K>

Dianne I am sorry for your loss of your son a young Adult with a future he was robbed of through death.
I have a son 6yrs. older than your son and I would hate to lose him. I would hate to lose any of my 3 children. This is always a mother's worst fears of losing one of her children no matter how old they are. Children are for life. None of us knows how long that life is. But for a parent to outlive her/his children is the worst fear and pain one can experience.
Because I have a deep Spiritual Faith and knowledge. I can assure you that your Son is in a safe place. In the arms of God. God gave him life and God took it back to himself. He is not suffering. It is the parents left behind that still suffer. After 1yr. of losing my husband to cancer I can still feel an urgency of wondering if he really died? Then reality kicks in and the suffering begins all over again. I keep getting strange feelings that my husband walks back in the home and says to me. "God sent me back to you because He could see you were suffering too much." If only this were not just a fleeting thought and reality it would be so good. I guess we all experience grief differently but I guess many people may have the same feelings. It is this deep soul longing and desperation that leaves us whishing God would send our loved one's back to us. We will all be safe one day. But for now we go through life with HOPE of seeing our loved one's again.

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