Did I make the right decision?

by Ella

My husband and I have been together 1.5 years. We have been marrid for 3 months. While we dated I endured him constantly lying to me, hidden emails, his divorce not being finalized, him cheating on me by sending pics to another woman of his private parts on my birthday and then denying he even did it or knew the girl. I kept taking him back because I loved him. We are military and we both deployed for 7 months away from each other. In that time, we argued because there was no trust. He bought an engagement ring and then returned it before I got back from my deployment. We finally ended our relationship after dating for 11 months. We were broken up for 2 1/2 months and in that time, he talked to two girls and had sex with one of them 2 weeks before I got home. When I returned he showed me his final divorce decree and said he wanted to work things out and start over. I told himI knew about the 2 girls and if he got rid of them we could start over. He changed his number and his email. I told them these girls would email him at his work accct to still talk to him. If that happened he was to tell me. 2 weeks after I returned he insisted we get married. Against my better judgment we did.
We continued arguing about trust. He would lie about everything and I would find out the truth somehow.
He would email girl )friends) from work and then delete it from his phone. I would find it on the phone bill. I said if you arent doing anything wrong, why delete it from your [phone and hide it? 45 days after we were married, a girl he slept with 2 weeks before I got home called me and said she was pregnant with his child. She sent me the ultrasound and gave me her due date. Her due date reversed matched up with the 4 days he went to see her. I was devastated. She said he knew about the baby and offered to pay for an abortion. I confronted him and he said he never knew about the baby. She sent me 7 emails proving he knew. The worst part is he knew before we were married and decided not to tell me. He didnt even give me the chance to make a decision on my own if I wanted to stay with him or not. That was Dec and its Feb now. From then until now we argue all the time. I just dont trust him at all. All I can think about is this baby. Its not the girls fault or the babies fault. He already pays 700 a month for 2 kids from his ex. We have to wait til July for the paternity test. I filed for divorce 2 days ago. I am so sad. He is so cold and distant and says I will never trust him. He just always throws in the towel. He says he changed but he hasnt changed because he continues to lie and hold things from me. I thought about pulling my papers and trying again. I am so lost

Comments for Did I make the right decision?

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Mar 19, 2012
by: Anonymous

I too married a guy like this, was his name heath currently in yuma a marine. He only married u to get bah it seems, then to leave u out in cold n mk u believe u hv personal issues. Narcissistic pathological predatorial look at me self pity party Charlie Brown. King of mean, definition of a liar, godfather of creeps, drama whore even though says he hates drama if he is not at center of attention the world will end n everyone sucks in his world and at 1month pregnant n married has given me cold shoulder since, yeah girl I know the type. By time this sicko is 30 he will probably hv been married 5x.

Feb 28, 2012
You made the right decision
by: Anonymous

Here is a big hug for you. I too experienced life with this type of man and all of the lies etc. And against my better judgement, I too kept taking him back because I loved him. He is described by my counsellor as a sociopath and con artist, and will never change as he does not believe that he is the one with the personality disorder. He feels no remorse on how he has treated you, he is only using you. You made the right decision, no matter how sad or painful your grief is right now. It will get better and you will live life happy again and gain back all of your worth and self esteem that he has taken from you. It will be very difficult to trust again, but you will see the signs earlier and not make the same mistakes again in your next relationship.

Feb 22, 2012
by: Anonymous

Hi Ella...

First of all, a huge cuddle for you Sweety.

I feel for you. Get out of that relationship for your own sake. I know easy to say, and maybe hard to do when you have feelings for one.

There is someone out there that is worth your love, time and commitment, so only share them with that person. Your ex needs counselling. Hopefully he will accept that so he may live a happier life himself.

Feb 13, 2012
The Right Decision is GO.
by: judith in California

You must end this now! He is never going to change as he is a SOCIOPATH. HE ha no conscience nor will he ever change. HE is only going to do what he pleases and pleases him and will never be able to feel remorse for his actions. Run as fast as you can from it . You run your own life not him..take charge of you and go.

Feb 13, 2012
by: Ella

It's me again.....so he comes over last night to say he wants to give it another try and for me to pull the papers. Says he was wrong for not fighting for me. Its been 3 days apart do I asked him if he had done anything with anyone or even looked at porn. He said no to both. I asked again. No. So I ended up finding he had been on porn sites for 2 days on his cell. When I confronted him he said he never went to the site. I said, it's in your history on your phone! He still denied it. He always denies things when confronted. I always give an opportunity to tell the truth and he never does. I said how are we supposed to work out if u can't even tell the truth about something so small. I said, u lie about everything. I don't think I will pull the papers. He told me I have til 2 today to make a decision, because if not he will not
Cancel the lease on his new apt. I think it's best to just let him go. But then he says I'm not trying. Ugh

Feb 13, 2012
He is a Player
by: Anonymous


Feb 13, 2012
Right Decision
by: Janet

Hello Ella,
You made the right decision. A relationship is not only built on love but trust plays a big part in it. If he has cheated on you and his ex he will continue to do it. You need to ask yourself,
"Is it worth all the pain to continue to be with some one you do not trust".
Just take one breath, one step and one day at a time. You will come out a better person and God is always on your side.
May the good Lord bless and keep you and hold you in the palm of His hand every day.

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