died at 18

by Chris LaPointe
(Canada )

My identical twin brother died when we were 18 years old.10 years later i feel just as broken as the moment he died of a car accident. I am very alone except for my 8 year old son who means everything to me. I got divorced 2 years ago and i feel lost. I don't care about much other than my son. My twin and i loved to play guitar but since he died I've had very little motivation in playing i seem to just go through the motions. I have 3 remaining brothers all older and i want my brother who's only a year and a half older than me to fill hush shoes but he never will and doesn't want to. I don't blame him i just can't find a solution or help anywhere. I feel like no one understands yet they think they do. I'm so different and broken more so than everyone I've ever known. Even other twins don't seem to give me much thought. I totally fail.to understand most people and they don't understand me. I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression. I'm going nowhere fast. When i was married my wife somewhat filled the void. I'm totally lost.

Comments for died at 18

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 29, 2014
died at 18
by: Doreen UK

Chris we face many Crisis' in life and any one can trigger off an attack of anxiety and depression like the one you are in now. Depression is well known for causing us to feel so low we feel like life is not worth living. But when it goes on too long it is wise to see a counsellor before it gets worse. I didn't tackle my life issues until they went too far down inside my mind that I couldn't sort it out and had to go into counselling in my 40's when it was more painful and took longer, and more expensive. But I am so glad I did the counselling no matter how old I was. I got my life back in ways I didn't know possible, and I have healed to the degree that life is better emotionally. It was the best investment I made in my life.
You lost a twin brother you shared a life with in the womb. You probably did not grieve well because you were busy with marriage, fatherhood, and working. then another crisis you got divorced. You lost your wife. One loss on top of another is enough to cause one to lose motivation to do anything, and to suffer with depression. You need professional help, more so because you are also bringing up your son who needs careful nurturing now as he is developing and he may pick up your depression as learned behaviour. He is not mature enough to know any different. This will be the best support you could benefit from at this point in time. Counselling will address your loss of your twin and also your divorce and how this has affected your life and holding you back from moving forward. The sooner you do this grief work the quicker you will get your life back. Living with depression will make you feel you will never get out of this black hole. BUT YOU WILL. I was in this black hole for 40yrs. today I AM FREE.
I lost my beloved husband to cancer 2yrs. ago. But we had 44 good years together. I have to do retirement alone, but a small price compared to what many people have to suffer. You will get your life back, but you must do something about this other than just tolerate where you are at. You have your 8yr. old son. FOCUS on him and this is reason enough to live for.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Sibling.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!