Divorced and lost

I was divorced after 16 years this year it was final in may. I meet a wonderful woman 3 days after it was final and her divorce had been final the same time . Well the thing everyone had warned me about happened next. We fell fast and hard we meet kids,planned marriage the whole 9 yards.Two weeks ago she ended it because it was all too much and I know she was right I felt it too but I was to scared to stop.
Since it ended I have realized I never had a chance to grief the loss of my wife of 16 years. I spent the divorce process trying to salvage my home and my relationship with my children and I didn't have time to.
All I know is its very hard right now my mind is back and forth between missing my ex-wife and missing and feeling guilt over the woman I spent the summer with. I know I'm not the first person to make these mistakes but it sure feels like I messed up really bad.But I have 3 children and I have to keep going and hope it gets better soon.

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Sep 21, 2014
Divorced and lost
by: Doreen UK

Divorced and lost.
Put it down to experience. don't feel embarrassed. You will be wiser next time to know that finding someone on the rebound is too soon to make any wise decision. DIVORCE is painful. It is the death of a relationship and you need to grieve this loss and build up a relationship with your children who may be hurting also from the fallout of their family unit. They will be feeling insecure and you as a father can be very instrumental in helping them to heal from their loss of their mom within the context of your family. The other woman you had a relationship with in the summer also realised she made a mistake. You both came to a mutual understanding at the same time. All you can do is explore what went wrong and be wiser the next time. Often we can think we are doing something positive to take our pain away and then it becomes clearer down the line. Better to have learned this lesson before you got married and realised all too late that you have another divorce to deal with. Life is our valley of learning and failing and we will often get it wrong. Relationships are not easy today. I have a broken hearted son to deal with now his marriage of 3yrs. has broken down due to his wife not leaving her EX. Taking him on holiday as a 3 some and my son being slowly destroyed. He has had enough but nevertheless he has to live with and deal with this pain. Thrown out of her house 5 times and shown little respect for his feelings of not wanting his wife's EX to be included in their lives. A Patient man. HE LOVES HIS WIFE DEEPLY. He put up with this infidelity too long. He is so wounded. I have to give him a SOFT PLACE TO FALL. till he finds his way back into life. It does hurt when you love one so much and the marriage doesn't work out. It takes Two to make a marriage work not 3 in a relationship. I guess you will find your way back into life and know that other's are facing the same pain and Time is a healer.

Sep 20, 2014
by: Divorced and lost

Thank you for your kind and wise words. When the recent girlfriend broke it off I never expected to feel the painand loss that I did from a short realtionship. But after a couple weeks I have seen that I had transferred the emotion of my lost marriage into her. And I'm sure she did too. It funny how your mind does strange things when it's in panic mode. That all doesn't make it any easier but I hope that maybe realizing this will help my journey.

Sep 20, 2014
Divorced and lost
by: Anonymous

Dear Divorced and Lost, It's never easy to end a relationship and break up a family. You are left with so many self doubts. Soo many people go out and try to find a replacement only to find they made a mistake. In retrospect You are lucky that your girlfriend broke it off. If you had continued it would have been a bigger problem for all. You need to take the lead and follow your instinct and say when you feel someting is off and not continue becasue you're caught up or afraid to disappoint someone. Be honest with yourself and otheres it will save a lot of heartache in the long run.

Take time to find and know your true self and make good solid choices for your children and yourself. Blending familes today takes a lot of careful thought and should require some counseling to make sure everyone is content with the blending, kids and all. You have to discuss what role you each would play when it comes to who will discipline the children and you both have to agree on that way before you do it. Will you be a christian famly, go to church and where. IF anything bugs you about them before you blend them then that won't go way just because you marry their mom.

Take time to really know your children and raise them to be people of character with respect for others and themselves.

I am a widow who has learned all of this the hard way. Now I'm alone and can reflect on things and if given the chance to be in a relationship again I will do so with honesty and bluntness for my on good.

Don't rush into relationships because you may be lonely. There are worse things than that.

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