by Dixie Wietrzykowski
(Sarasota, FL, USA)

The month befor she died

The month befor she died

The month befor she died
the year befor she got clean

For many years my daughter and I were estranged. She was molested by my father as was I and my sister. This went on from the 40's to the 90's. In my mind I was the only one who was molested until My sister questioned the past. I confronted him. My daughter admitted he had molested her as well. I confronted him. He committed suicide. My daughter blamed me for many years. She became addicted to drugs, she was in and out of jail. Last year facing 10 years in prison she decided to take part in a Drug Court program. She did so well. She went trough a year of never failing a drug test. She became the physically beautiful person she was when she was younger. My ex and I gave her all of the financial and moral support that we could. She couldn't separate herself from the addicts she thought were her friends. On my 72nd birthday, July 28, 2014 My ex found her in bed at her house (her "boyfriend" was there and he said he had no idea she was dead. I got there in 10 minutes. 911 had been called. She was pronounced dead at 46 years of age. A detective came and took statements from the people who were staying at her home. An officer from the sheriff found 3 syringes in her room. I was told not to see her but I had to and after the forensic people left, I stayed with her body until the medical examiner people came for her. I took this time to kiss her and tell her that I forgave (I can't forgive myself). I watched her be cremated a week later. She was my second child of two. I lost my son in 1986 one day before his 21st birthday as the result of a hit and run accident he was riding his bicycle home from work. This was 2 years after the death of my mother (age 59) and one year after my husband fell in love and divorced me. I indulged my daughter for a time after this happened. I overlooked her faults for fear of losing her in a similar manner. She turned to drugs. I still tried to help her but nothing worked. I am still waiting for the toxicology reports to specify her exact cause of death. I was told that could take 2 months.

She left her then 14 year old son to live with me and my very supportive (male) life partner of 29 years. My grandson is more intelligent than most 27 year olds. He refused to accept the fact that his mother was trying to change her life last year. And because his mother put other people before him, he sees her death as something that was inevitable. He is soon moving across the country to learn a business and pans to return to Florida his home when he is finished. I gave him a house that I no longer needed for his 21st birthday just to give him a financial head start. He is a good person that has never given me any anguish. I have told him it is good to get all of your wandering and learning done before settling down.

I have feelings of loss, guilt and anger I can't seem to cope with emotions. I know eventually I will. But right now I'm lost.

Comments for Dixie

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Sep 28, 2014
Hi Dixie, I need your help!
by: Jennie

I am so very sorry for your loss, my condolences. For better access to advice and support, please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...

Hi Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help for the transition. Thanks so much!

Sep 02, 2014
I too lost my daughter
by: Sue

I no were your coming from, I lost my Sophie in may this year she was 32 and alcoholic she had recently had her last child taken away from her through her drinking and violent relationship she ended up been drunk and attempting suicide frm a window changed her mind in the end and shouted for her fella to save her but he cudent hold on so she slipped through his hands but she wanted saving so it wasn't suicide we haven't had the inquest yet so they haven't said watts classed as but I can't stop thinking about her all the time looking at her pictures and thinking about how she died

Aug 30, 2014
Your daughter
by: Kate

Your story of life has a lot of loss. Both children ,that's too much. Where do we get the strength to go on. I lost my son age 39 almost two years ago. I'm trying to remember all his good and not the losing him. How hard that is. Apparently pain goes on. Those emotions you feel are part of grief. We feel so much it overwhelms at times. We need strength from God because on my own I can't do it. I'm so sorry you have gone through so much. I too have many losses husband of 23 yrs,mother,father,son,sister,niece,nephew.....ugh so hard to bear. You look at your grandson with love and that's what I try to do - look at what good is still with me. My heart goes out to you. It is hard.

Aug 29, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Dixie I am so sorry for your loss of your daughter and mother, and your marriage. Life never seems to stop giving us many challenges that can hurt and bruise us, and many that heal us from adversity.
No matter how old your daughter was when she died, you are not responsible. There is an age of accountability where a parent is not responsible for how their children turn out. As adults we can seek professional help if we find we can't cope with life in the present due to troubles from our past. We all carry some dysfunction with us through life from our nurturing and our environment. WE try our best to cope with so much in this complex life. We hope we do it well. We learn as we go through life, and we have to also learn to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we make. Guilt is an aspect of grief. Don't assault yourself with grief by the way you think. Reverse this and build yourself up. You sound like a caring and supportive person. Look out for your grandson now, and keep him close to your heart. Also put positive people in your life who will help you to develop and stay stable, secure, and happy.

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