DOES ANYBODY EVEN CARE? THIS WORLD LOST AN AMAZING MAN!

I lost the love of my life, Tom, on Jan 25th 2010 to liver disease as a result of drug and alcohol abuse. He was one of 8 children. He had 5 sisters and 2 brothers. He was 47,12 years older than me, but was so full of life. He was artistic. He would draw caricatures of all his friends and family, and he loved to teach people to draw when he spent time in jail for possession, or whatever he was in for with his years abusing drugs. He was a private man. He liked to make outsiders think he was this tough dangerous man, maybe to keep people at bay. He never really was very convincing though. You could see the gentle nature and sadness in his deep blue eyes. I remember the way he would be on the phone talking, and started doodling on paper, a tractor, or a truck,motorcycle, etc, and the longer he talked, the more detailed the drawing would become. He talked about using his talents to become a cartoonist and even thought of owning his own tattoo shop some day. He didn;t even have a tattoo either lol but he loved to use his skill. He like riding motorcycles, and he worked with me in group homes for people with disabilities. He was such a fun co worker, always playing practical jokes on the clients and staff. He would take clients to Disney World, and one year he dressed himself and a male client his age up as the blues brothers (he loved them). He had a quirky sense of humor, and he kept it through even his darkest and final hours. His personality only got better with me. Within a year or so he was off drugs, and even quit methadone without a single complaint. I think he really saw a good life with me. He loved animals. He had a real big ego, so my little dog, Oliver, took him by surprise when I would ask him to take him out for walks lol. He warmed up pretty fast though, and they bacame the best of friends. He would even brag about how he is show quality, and even though he liked tough dogs, having owned pitts before, he found himself in love with every small dog he saw, pointing out how cute they were. This Boston terrior across the st became an attraction, and he always worried about how long the neighbors were keeping him out doors. He loved cats too. He was a huge cat fan as well. He loved talking about his pets, and telling stories about times with them, especially his dog Max. Max was his best friend, and was a pitt he took everywhere with him. He must have really been torn up over that dog dying, because he couldn't stop talking about him! Tom loved collecting things like die cast of cars and tractors. Growing up on a farm, he grew a love for old Farmalls and he missed his step father terribly. He moved on the farm at age 15 when his mother married a farmer, and he and his step father became best friends. He inherited his step fathers old school ways, and he loved the farm land. He was very proud that they were one of the best places to buy fresh vegetables and flowers in New England. He sunk into a really deep depression when he lost that man. This was before we met at work. So I never got to see the part of him that had died with his step father, as I have been told. He was married when we met and he had a daughter. He seperated from her for 2 years before we were even dating, but he got too sick suddenly to end stage liver failure before the divorce could be completed, and we had a child of our own together just before he really got bad. I did it because I wanted a piece of him. I loved him so much, and he lived 6 years longer than he was supposed to live with me. He always told me I saved his life. I don't feel that way now though. I was hoping to get him a liver transplant, and was signing up as his donor. We were a week away from the surgery, when he died. I know he didn't want me to do it, but I hope that is not why he died! I can not begin to express how sad I am without him. I miss my shopping buddy, the long walks, the jokes we told, the daily body massages he loved giving, the way he would take care of me, and even went to do community service with me so I wasnt alone in a bad area. He served his own time, and went with me to do mine! I had gotten a DUI. and he was a life saver! He helped me at work even after he left the field. He would sleep in the car if a male co worker was harrassing me, just so I felt safe on 3rd shift one time. He did that for weeks! He was just so selfless, and nurturing, and he loved me and our 7 month old baby so much! He loved his older daughter too, but he often felt paralyzing guilt because he felt he let her down. I am beside myself with grief! I just want him back. It seems like he deserved and earned another chance. He was doing so good, and was such a smart and good man! WHY???? Sometimes my grief is so deep that I feel like it is consuming me. Like tasting the weight of a reality that is just too unbearable!! I have no words to describe how much I miss him. There are so many good times together, and he died married to the woman he didn;t want to be with. I have that dark cloud over my head, and dread telling our daughter now. It is just too much...

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Apr 16, 2012
Thank You:)
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words of support. God Bless You. It is a horrible pain, but I am greatful to have shared the time I did with him. I am lucky to have had him, but so unlucky to have lost him...

Apr 14, 2012
An amazing man
by: M Mack

I am sorry for your loss and even though it is over 3 years-you still have a deep hole in your heart. You are spirited and you found something inside of Tom that was meant for you and you alone to see. You felt the warm feeling intended for you as someone he truly loves. The most important thing is that you cared. You completed his journey on earth to know and share peace and love in a special way. Give yourself credit for it takes 2 to make it work. When you find the heart of the soul in someone as special as Tom, well you cant say nobody cares. You care and to him, that's what really matters. Find peace within yourself and don't blame yourself for anything. What you've gone through has made you who you are today and for the future. One day, we will all see the big picture in this life of lost loves. So do your best to find strength in yourself. He is with you and his children in spirit for now. My prayers for you as you travel through this journey to find strength and peace.

Apr 13, 2012
I'm so sorry for your loss
by: Mona

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sounds like because his life wasn't storybook, you have found that people don't respect what a lovely man you had. Life takes many twists and turns. Real life is rarely a direct linear progression but others seem to think that that is the definition of "success". I don't believe that.

May God bless you in your grief and loss and bring you comfort and "peace that passeth all understanding".

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