Does It Ever Go Away
by Mamma Jean
It has been way over a year since I lost my dear son. I cry any time I think of him and it never seems to stop the pain I feel. There are so many childhood memories that I have of him. He loved apples and I never ran out of the cereal called Apple Jacks. I wish now that I had made more of the dishes that contained them.
One day as he was waiting in my car with his grandma, he said to her," I like your abows, grandma". She replied," I don't have any apples honey". He then patted her on her elbows and said" Not apples, grandma, I mean these things". He loved her and as he said later in life, "grandmothers are supposed to be fat". Which she was. Now as a grandma myself, I'm sure he would like that I have become as she was.
He was a tender child but tough as nails when he had to be. One time a bully was threatening his younger brother and he picked up a brick and told the bully that he would let him have it if he didn't leave his brother alone. Until then they had been always fighting with each other but after he came to his brother's rescue, they became close as brothers should be.
So many things remind me of my boy. altho he was an adult when he passed, he will ever be my child. He always wanted a motorcycle and finally bought one after we helped him financially. Oh, how he loved that bike. After a few years he hsd to give up riding it as arthritis made it bad for his hands to try to hold the steering handlebars.
I need to stop here as the memories of how he died bring thoughts of his last days too which hurt my heart so badly. A bad marriage was one of them.
I talk to his picture every day. It's all that keeps him alive for me.