Does It Ever Go Away

by Mamma Jean

It has been way over a year since I lost my dear son. I cry any time I think of him and it never seems to stop the pain I feel. There are so many childhood memories that I have of him. He loved apples and I never ran out of the cereal called Apple Jacks. I wish now that I had made more of the dishes that contained them.
One day as he was waiting in my car with his grandma, he said to her," I like your abows, grandma". She replied," I don't have any apples honey". He then patted her on her elbows and said" Not apples, grandma, I mean these things". He loved her and as he said later in life, "grandmothers are supposed to be fat". Which she was. Now as a grandma myself, I'm sure he would like that I have become as she was.
He was a tender child but tough as nails when he had to be. One time a bully was threatening his younger brother and he picked up a brick and told the bully that he would let him have it if he didn't leave his brother alone. Until then they had been always fighting with each other but after he came to his brother's rescue, they became close as brothers should be.
So many things remind me of my boy. altho he was an adult when he passed, he will ever be my child. He always wanted a motorcycle and finally bought one after we helped him financially. Oh, how he loved that bike. After a few years he hsd to give up riding it as arthritis made it bad for his hands to try to hold the steering handlebars.
I need to stop here as the memories of how he died bring thoughts of his last days too which hurt my heart so badly. A bad marriage was one of them.
I talk to his picture every day. It's all that keeps him alive for me.

Comments for Does It Ever Go Away

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Feb 05, 2013
Mama Jean
by: Sweet Aaron's Mama

Mama Jean...The day you posted your comment on the 27th of last month would have been the day of my sweet Aaron's 33rd birthday. You have been dealing with this longer than I have and I don't suppose that a year from now I will feel any better or for the rest of my life. I'm expecting my first grandchild in June....A granddaughter. Aaron knew he was going to be an uncle and was so happy..I like to think he has already seen his precious little niece in Heaven and is holding her in his arms till it's time for her to be born and then he will kiss her and she will be here kissed by her Uncle Aaron..I have to believe something or I will go crazy....I'm so sorry you hurt...and for the loss of your sweet son...This is all too much and I am so overwhelmed.....I feel your pain Mama Jean. Please take care of YOU and I will be thinking of you......

Jan 27, 2013
To all who wrote comments
by: Mama Jean

I know the pain is one that I share with all of you and I thank you for the support you have given here. I wrote many times on this Grief page a poem and a letter to my son, Robert, I keep coming back for the help I need and I thank you again. May God give us the comfort we will need forever.

Jan 26, 2013
Does it Ever go Away
by: Doreen U.K.

Mama Jean I am sorry for your loss of your son. A mother will never get over the loss of a child ever. You carried him for 9 months and you nurtured him to become a man. Now you have lost him you have the memories come back that are painful because that is all you are left with. You will one day start to feel the pain less. Grief takes it's course and it is not kind to any of us. We will hurt forever. Just the pain will get less. YES! the pain will go away in time.

Jan 26, 2013
It Never Goes Away
by: Anonymous never goes away. The time passes and we yearn for hear their be able to hug them and tell them we love them. It's been over two years since my husband passed away and I'm making very slow progress. I get down on myself for not being further along but it can't be helped. never goes away.

Jan 26, 2013
Does It Ever Go Away?
by: Brenda Richison

Dear Mama Jean, My son was 26 yrs. old, when he took a 9mm gun & shot himself. That was July 8,2004. He had a beautiful funeral. The whole town was there and the one's who couldn't attend stood w/heads bowed on the sides of the streets. He had 2 small daughters, but also a broken marriage. I have written to this website since then. I'm not, or ever will be over his death. I miss him so very much, but I'm able to go onto the next day. I have 2 more boys also. I have to live for them. I've also saw my fiance shoot himself right in front of me in 1996. I've been thru therapy, every diagnose that's available. every experimental drug, but this website helped the most. Keep writing. I write to try to help those that have losses.And answer to ur question, a Mother's love never dies. But it'll get easier somewhat. God bless & be strong. Thank God for our memories. Brenda

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