Does it ever stop??
Ok, I have been on here a lot since that day. As horrible as this sounds, to know I am not alone in this helps, not that I would EVER enjoy any of you being in the situations that you are. I would give anything to spare anyone this kind of pain. It has been 21 months and 1 week since I lost John. I feel, well there are many things I feel....but the most is anger right now. I am so angry at everything, and anyone. I get irritated at the smallest things, My Mom and I were in the car yesterday, she was eating a devil dog, I yelled at her because she was smacking her lips....I mean come on!! That was so mean and stupid. How can I be so hurtful? I keep telling myself it will pass, that my grief counselor is right, and it is a normal phase of grieving....but its mean! I hide in my room if I am not working, I don't want to hurt anyone. I have family telling me "move on", one of them told me the other day that I needed to face reality and accept that he is gone, never going to come back.....do they not think I wake up with that realization everyday? What is wrong with me? Shouldn't I be better? I feel as though I am going insane. Tell me I am not. PLease.