Does the pain ever stop?

I lost my best friend and husband of 24 years, twice. We met in high school, married a short time later and he was my driving force to life. We had two beautiful children together and built a life of love and laughter. As we grew and life pressures became greater, Jim began drinking. He was injured during a job related prison riot and became engulfed with chronic pain.

The drugs became more frequent, chased by the alcohol, until Christmas 2006, when he placed a revolver to his head in front of our teens. Not able to deal with this anymore, he was removed from our home. For the next two years, we supported rehab, successes, failures, tears, anger, love and more tears. In February Jim was found dead in his apartment, a massive stroke claimed his life. His alcohol level was 2.42 at the time if his autopsy. His parents have blamed me due to the divorce, and have estranged themselves from my children.

Its been two years, I miss my best friend, my inner soul. I am angry and sad for my children that do not have a dad in their lives, especially my daughter who is graduating high school in a year. I hate Valentines Day, we became engaged 28 years ago on that day. I just function day to day, the kids, the job, the house, but I just cannot go one day without moving on. I miss him so much...

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Mar 30, 2012
Broken and Confused
by: Anonymous

I lost my best friend March 2011,We met in high school. After several operations on his back and pancreas, he became addicted to pain meds. I put up with all that goes with this disease, but finally got a divorce, but still truely cared about him. We were together since 16 years old. We had two beautiful daughter's and two wonderful grandchildren. He was a terrible patient and a heavy smoker, I nagged at him for years all that is going to kill you, but the addiction won, he ended up on life support and died shortly after removed. Now I am on my own, kids are raised and I have no idea what to do with my life. Everyone has great idea's, but I just don't care. I want to lay under the covers for the rest of my life!!

Feb 11, 2011
Don't think the pain stops!
by: Cindy

So very sorry for your loss... my husband and I would have been married 35 years on February 7. He has been gone for three months and I am in so much grief my teeth hurt. He too, died of a heart attack. He was the love of my life, my soul mate, my all! We did everything together and I don't know this life without him. I was 18 years old when we got married, so I am trying to learn how to live a life without him... most difficult thing I have ever had to do. This is a very dark journey and we are all on it. My prayers are with you. Please don't let his parents bring more grief on you... they are just grieving too and need to vent on someone. Until they had walked in your shoes, they have no idea... even though they loved their son.

Feb 10, 2011
does the pain ever stop?
by: jules

What a tragedy in your life, and that of your children - this was most definitely not your fault, you have no reason to blame yourself. You are angry, sure, you have a right to be - but for your sakes, and your childrens, you have to learn to deal with this anger, frustration and sorrow.

You obviously loved your husband, no matter what, and that is what you need to remember - the good times, the times when he was the person you loved, and who supported you. His accident changed him, and it was probably easier for him to turn to the bottle, rather than face up to his problems. Some men are unable to accept help, they see it as a weakness, whereas most women see it as a strength - admitting you have a problem and learning to deal with it

You now need to learn how to let go of anger, bitterness (especially towards his parents), show your children what a lovely man their father used to be. Grieve for your loss, perhaps get some counselling for yourself, and visit this site often - here you will find unconditional understanding, wisdom, support and some good advice.

Remember every day - one step, one breath -
take care

Feb 10, 2011
The pain does lesson with time...

Surely his parents know that the divorce was the effects of his behavior not the other way around. Perhaps that is how they are dealing with it but you know the truth. You did Love him and supported him even after the divorce. Please feel no guilt. The sadness I do understand. You had to protect you kids from thinking that this type of behavior was normal and or acceptable. I also divorced my first husband to protect the kids so I understand. The difference is that you still loved him and tried to help him through rehab therapy and did everything that you could for him. But there was a problem underneath one that you could not fix so you did the best that you could. If you want to let your kids see the grandparents that is fine as long as they are not bad mouthing you while in their stay. The kids have been through enough and so have you. Take things easy and slow. Come here for support, you couldn't find a better, more understanding group of people the world over.

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