Donna Sue

by Junior
(Virginia )

My name is Junior and on June 10 2014 I lost my mother to a massive heart attack. Just two days after her 52 birthday. I had worked my shift at work and was at home with my wife and 2 children when the phone call came that my mom was being rushed to the er. By the time I arrived the dr came out and said it's not good and then about the DNR order. I know she was gone but just couldn't say it so she laid in the ICU for 18 hours on life support. Her body was so bloated and that was it after coming to terms with myself I knew it was time to let her go. That last image of my mom haunts my every thought. To. Know that I put her body through that drives me crazy. I have nightmares about it. I was holding on to the hope that saved her in September of 1994 when she was shot in the head and I was told she was dead. The way I was looking at it is if she could pull through that then this would be a piece of cake. I have two sisters that are also having a hard time dealing with this. My oldest sister has pulled away from my lil sis and myself. I do have a wife and two children who when they see me crying over my loss get scared and pull away from me. I feel as if..... Never mind.

Comments for Donna Sue

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Jun 25, 2014
I understand
by: Jill S. Tyler, TX

Hi, Just wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your family. I stumbled upon this website in a moment of grief for my mother just now, and was so touched by your heartfelt words. I know your mom feels your pain and your loss. I also know there is nothing I can do or say to really make it any better. But I do know this--our mothers are both in heaven, looking down on us, and feeling so, so loved. For after all, that's what grief is--unspoken apologies, hugs not yet given, sorrow for things that might have been. Just know this: if your mother had been in the same situation, she would have done the EXACT SAME THING that you did when she was in the ER. The exact same, no question about it. The decision you made was one made purely out of love, one that I certainly would have made, and one I feel most people would have, too. The bond you feel is perhaps the strongest bond on earth...for although we have a father, it is only with our mom that we make our entry into this world. There is a special connection there, -- a bond that is magical and cannot be broken. Where she is, right now, your mother knows that you feel it, and is so touched by your love and honesty. My mom feels my love too. I know this as sure as I know my name. One day, we will all be together, in the here or the hereafter. And I do know this--true love is energy, and energy never dies. I send heartfelt wishes to you, your family, and your precious mom. God Bless you all.

Jun 24, 2014
The loss of my mother
by: Anonymous

I know the feeling oh too well. After 25 years i still feel pain and sadness when thinking about her loss. The pain does get better as time goes on but when i see her smile in my mind and know i will never be able to really tell her how much i loved her its almost too much to take. But I do know she would have said to me "don't be sad for me live your life and do good" When i remember that some how i get over the pain and move on. A Mother Is so special and so giving. As kids we don't see this because we are in a comfort zone. But It was a big wake up call. I know your Mother was very special too.

Jun 20, 2014
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss, and that you feel you are going thru it alone. Everybody grievein different ways. I feel your pain and sorrow. I lost my mum when i was 25. It took me years to come to terms with it, and my so called family did not support me, so i know what you are going thru, maybe you should try to talk to your wife about it, tell her how you are feeling and how isolated you feel going thru this. A loss like this either tears the family apart or brings them closer together. I wish i had an answer for you. You will be in my prayers.

Jun 20, 2014
Donna Sue
by: Doreen UK

Junior I am sorry for your loss of your mother. You sound as if you are facing a lot of stress with your grief. What you need to do is to see a grief counsellor and give this time and space for you. Perhaps your wife can't stand to see you hurting this way and so is pulling away from you. She may feel insecure now thinking of you as her strong man to lean on and now she can't handle your grief and sees weakness. You are not doing anything wrong. You are being yourself and you need to be allowed to be yourself and express your grief no matter how this displays itself. Sometimes in a safe environment with a counsellor we can be ourselves. I can tell you from experience that if people are pulling away from you it may not be to do with you but with them. People can expect too much from us and get disappointed when we don't deliver what they expect. You need to free yourself from any guilt of making your mother suffer. Counselling will help you to let go of these feelings, and give you strategies for thinking differently.
I am not surprised at your sister's pulling away. It happens so often when someone dies, it can bring out the worst in families. Either way don't see yourself as the FIXER of your sister's problems. You have a wife and 2 children who need you. Don't take on the world. Be as supportive as you are able, but be true to yourself and how you are feeling now. Don't turn it inwards on yourself. It is early days of grief and it will take a long time to heal from your loss. One of the most painful experiences one will ever go through.

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