Don't know if I really want to carry on
My name is Alan and I lost my wife 6 months ago.
We had had a completely happy marriage for just over 21 years.
I am only 50 and have been told I've got a long new life to lead by both doctors and family and friends.
I at first went off the rails drinking heavily and being very reclusive at home.
I felt that I would never meet anyone else who could possibly want to be with me.
That feeling got worse and worse and I pursued any chance of being with women.
I felt it just wasn't me, the guilt I carry with me now is overwhelming.
I've got things out of my system now, but quite honestly when I go to bed at night I really hope I never wake up.
My life now just seems like an existence as apposed to really living..
They say time helps, I really hope this is true because I don't want to carry on feeling this way.