Don't understand why she would suddenly give up

by G
(IL)

Me and this girl first got together when we were fifteen years old. We had a very undeniable attraction and connection to each other that blossomed into a 4 year long relationship. Like any other couple, we encountered issues and stupid fights along the way, but we always stayed loyal and worked things out. Sometimes these fights would become sort of cyclical in a way, but for different reasons. In spite of these things we always came back to each other because of what seemed like our "unbreakable" bond.

We kind of mutually broke up last year before college because I didn't know if I wanted long distance anymore, and she agreed. Just a week after, we began talking again... on and off for several months until she came to my 20th surprise birthday, 3 months later in November. At the party it was like we were together again. Flirting, staying near each other constantly, smiling and hugging. I wanted to kiss her so bad that night but was afraid by how she'd react. Then we had distanced ourselves from each other for a couple weeks after the party; it made me realize how badly I wanted her back.

I began texting her, sending her snapchats of me smiling and telling her how beautiful she was. Before final exams in December, I asked her if she would let me take her out so we could try things over again. She told me maybe and remained distant until winter break came around, in which I came and talked to her in person. It took me four hours of trying to sway her to start over in which she decided to try. Her problem was that she didn't know if she'd love me the same.

After our first date in forever, things were magical. We continued on our long distance relationship, with much more mature mindsets. We both agreed within a few months that things between us were better than ever. Since I was moving back home for summer, we made all these plans for fun things to do together, I even am transferring to her college (not because of her in particular, but because of my major and their program).

Summer started out great between us; once the middle of summer came around we started getting into silly fights again because we just simply weren't be as openly communicative, I also sometimes began to get really negative about things in my life. (Work, friends letting me down, etc).

A couple weeks ago, she told me that all this fighting was wearing on us, and I agreed. A few days after her saying that, she came up to my lake house for a few days and we had an awesome time. She even told me that it was a great weekend of revival for us, to which I agreed. We talked a little about how to be better in communication with each other, and it seemed like things were sorted out.

She just moved back into school this past week and I am enrolled in community college in the same state before I transfer to her university. She's been busy with her moving... We were texting, the occasional phone call, and everything seemed fine. Until she flipped like a switch.

She got all distant and didn't want to tell me what was wrong because I was spending a few days out with some good friends and she didn't want to ruin my time. I asked if she was breaking up with me and she said she needed time to sort things in her head. Once I came back and we finally talked in person she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore. She made the realization and didn't want to lead me on making me think that she still did. However, she told me she will always love me and care about me. She insisted she wasn't seeing anyone else. I hated this; I stormed away in frustration and sadness. Later that night I came back around and we had some calm closure in which I told her I think she needs to truly reanalyze what she is doing. And that was that.

It's been only two days I miss her like crazy. I would do anything just to take her out and see her all dolled up for me, and to make her have that big beautiful smile across her face. I haven't contacted her at all in hope she will end up missing me and coming back around. However, I am afraid she is completely done with me. I don't know what to do, I just want my girl back :( She was perfect for me and I thought I was for her.

Someone please give me some advice on her to win her back, because I am more than willing to work out anything with her. I can't believe that she would suddenly just not want to try and work things out anymore like we always have.

Comments for Don't understand why she would suddenly give up

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Aug 29, 2014
Don't understand why she would suddnly give up
by: Doreen UK

B You both sound young and immature which could be the reason you both get into silly fights too often that is wearing you both down.
You may want different things out of life. She may have fallen out of love with you, as can so easily happen in life.
You want her back. She may not want to come back to the relationship. Distance may help you both to evaluate the relationship and find that it is not working as you both need it to.
To get back into a relationship for the wrong reasons of just being together is not reason enough to make a relationship work. Not all friendships can become cemented in matrimony, in much the same way we can't marry ALL OUR FRIENDS. There may be someone out there for each of you. Try and put some distance between you in order to find out if you can come together again. If this does not happen you may have to accept that the relationship between you both is not working and it is best to both go your own separate ways. It is possible to find love again. But it boils down to MATURITY.

Aug 26, 2014
Why not
by: Anonymous

Did you ever hear of "you can't go back". You miss what your idea of her was not the reality of your relationship. You said you argued frequently and somehow patched things up. That's very telling. You sound like you are so young yet. Sending pictures of you smiling? She may remember you in another way. She may remember your not wanting to be in a long distance relationship and that you easily broke it off in the first place. Fights have a way of not ending just because you think you patched things. She sounds like she has matured past this period of her life and you must respect her choice. You still have a lot of things you need to do before you are in a serious relationship. Maybe you had control issues, or were too serious .People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. We have to accept each one as it happens.

You now can learn from your mistakes and hopefully move on to a more mature realtionship with someone. You are in college and need to have the freedom to experience all the things that the college life entails. Don't tie yourself down right now. study hqrd and find out who and what you are about and become a man of character for the next young woman. Respect her decision and leave her be. Maybe she will call you, maybe not.

Aug 25, 2014
She gave up
by: Julie

Hi reading this all a can say is give her as much space as she needs if you love some one let them go if it is meant to be she will come back don't beg or she will start pick you you and drop you when it suits believe me am a woman and good luck,

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