Double Loss: Leg and Ex Husband

by Chris Johnson
(Atlanta GA, USA)

I was searching for the Seven Stages of Grief to read and printout for myself… When I came across your site.
Pt. 1…On that faithful Sunday morning of Nov. 20, 2011, I stepped out of the shower and began getting ready for Church… Suddenly ALL 10 of my toes became numbed… Not knowing what was going on I called my daughter and she called the Paramedics… my former husband had already left for Church...At the Hospital I was told...I had a blood clot or “PAD” which I had no signs of…So I thought… I had (4) surgeries in the first 5-days…with a total of (10) surgeries by the time I was release from the Hospital on Jan.23 2012… I Never Thought In My Smallest Mind that I would Retire in the Hospital… from the Fed Govt. after 38 years… With one leg… I had Plans to fulfill after retirement: traveling – going with my grandson on Boy Scouts outings – connecting with other friends that had retire…Just dreaming of my life after Retirement.

Pt. 2…On January 23, 2012, the day I was release from the Hospital my former husband...left that same evening… We had lived together for almost 30 years…as I would say now “for the sake of our daughter”…Backup to 2002 My Ex had a stroke… came back from it, with me by his side all the way and finally…himself retired from the Govt. in Jan. 2011....I’m Still in shock by not only coping with the lost of my limb…But now with my ex-husband leaving at a time I need help myself.…I realize you don’t to things for people, just for them to help you later on down the road…But I just assume he would be there for me as I was for him…

Pt.3…My Daughter is stressed out...being an only child with an eleven yrs old to care for…Both do not understand why I cry so Much…I was always a strong-willed person – take charge person…Now I have melt downs all the time…That’s why I figure by reading the seven stages of grief would help me thru my situation…I tell family and friends all the time...who try to uplift me, that they just don’t understand… The loss of my leg…”to me”...Is harder than losing my mom and my dad, because overtime that fades…not that love…but their present. Whereas the loss of my leg will Never Fade from me since I will see this lost ever time I take a bath – put on and remove clothes – put on my prosthetic daily…That lost will be just there staring me in the face forever…and so I thought by reading those Seven Stages of Grief it will help me thru some sad periods.

Wow with this off my chest I must now get ready to go to the Rehab Center and practice with my “new leg”.

Comments for Double Loss: Leg and Ex Husband

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Dec 08, 2012
Double Loss: Leg and Ex Husband
by: Doreen U.K.

Chris I am sorry for your loss of your health and your loss of your limb (leg). Of course you will feel deep grief for some time. This is a part of your body that you have lost. It is not easy to recover from this. If you know of Joni Erickson Tada. Google it and try and get her book. As a 17yrs. olf girl she dived into a pool and ended up a paraplegic. She went through the longest and most painful grief. She now has a ministry that would help you. Search her out. What she has to say would benefit you, and encourage and lift you up. You will like Joni also have to go through the normal stages of grief over your loss before you heal from this. If those people around you are not understanding you may have to find a new support structure.
You can also find a counsellor who will support you and may also put you in touch with others in the same loss who will be able to comfort and support you the way you need it.
Your daughter struggling to bring up an 11yr. old is probably locked into her own world of difficulties and it is not that she does not care, she is just preoccupied.
Your ex husband probably doesn't know how to support you and has taken off. He did suffer a stroke. Only you will know if he was supportive in any way thoughout your 30yrs. relationship? what had changed? Is he the supportive caring type of person? The nature of your relationship has changed so he has moved on. Whilst he may care he doesn't want to get caught up in a relationship that has ended. You also have a Church. You can get support from your congregation and even your Pastor. On the whole in a changing world People are not as caring as they used to be. Even in the hospital care this has changed for many people. I hope that you get the support you need and the comfort in life to go forward and in time grieve the loss of your leg and find Peace with your new way of life.

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