Drugs and alcohol were more important than me
I am in my mid 30’s and I was recently in the early stages of getting to know someone who instantly captivated me. She is 28 years old, hard worker, goal oriented, cultured and very beautiful (drop dead gorgeous). We were together for only 3 months. But since the beginning I always felt that there was a strange side of her that I couldn’t decipher. Mutual friends of mine know her and they all confirmed that she was very interested in me. As a result, I got her phone number, start talking to her and we seemed to get along excellent. However, when I would try to take her out on a date I would encounter a hesitation on her part which was strange. It felt like a tug of war; one side with me and the other with someone or something that I wasn’t aware of. Not wanting to push the issue I never asked her out again nor called her. A week later she contacted me and apologized for her absence and urges to meet up on a date. The first time we went out we had a great time, which led to a second date which was even better than the first; topped off by a third date which we got home at 7:00AM.
On the third date she opened up to me and confessed some deep feelings which she had for me. She explained how overjoyed she was that I was a part in her life and listed all the charachteristics about me which impressed her. She was seriously interested in getting to know me better. That night we went out to dinner then my house. I dropped her off at her house at 5:00AM but she refused to get out of my car until 7:00AM. We were making out all night and morning and in between we would share our feelings or talk about our expectations for each other. Everything seemed to go perfect until minutes before getting out of my car I confessed to her my real profession; I tell most people that I am a school teacher when in reality I am a U.S. Federal Agent –law enforcement. Initially she showed no reaction or surprise other than her reply “that’s why you are so educated and clean cut!” It didn’t seem to bother her at the time.
The next day I get a long text by her stating to the effect that on the prior night she got very drunk and acted inappropriate. She “apologized for misleading me and asked me not to hold hard feelings against her but she couldn’t continue” to see me. I was very surprised, shocked and confused. Had I done anything? How could she say something to that degree? Especially after everything she had confessed to me on the prior night stating how much I was growing on her and how happy she was with me. As for the drinking, on our last date she only had 2 beers in the time span of 9 hours. She wasn’t slurring and she walked straight, held coherent long thoughtful conversations and did not smell like alcohol, etc.
I then called a trusted friend who introduced me to her and after explaining the above to him he confessed to me a little secret. Apparently the girl that I was seeing led a double life. All of her positive attributes contradicted with a dark side dominated and driven by drugs and alcohol abuse. She didn’t have a driver’s license due to two D.U.I.’s and was currently undergoing A.A. Stronger was her drug addiction and her association with those who share the vice. Once she became aware that I was a federal agent she became terrified and decided to come up with any excuse to eliminate me. I am shocked that she chose drugs and alcohol over me. At the same time I know that it is best that I have no association with her and I have stayed away from her but it still hurts. This is a no win situation which can destroy me.