Dumbfounded

by Michele H.
(Landisville, PA USA)

My husband of almost 15 years told me last week that he wants to leave, he is planning on leaving, and that he doesn't think we are "compatible." The shock of it has worn off and I'm angry with him. He says he wants to remain friends but he wasn't on planning on telling me until his vacation time in September. That of course is a good 8 weeks away and it's right around my birthday.

I will not be in this alone. I have two beautiful children ages 6 and 11. What are they going to think when they are told he is leaving. We are no longer sharing a bedroom. I couldn't have him there after he told me this. All that he has said to the kids is that he is now sleeping downstairs.

He wants to stay until finances are straightened out so "we" don't have to declare bankruptcy or sell the house. He doesn't want me to lose the house and he isn't planning on taking any of the furniture. How generous of him. He doesn't want to go for counseling or try to work on what the problem is. He has been vague about this.

Is there someone else? He tells me "no" but I'm starting to suspect it. He came to this decision on his own. I think that hurts the most. That he was so self-centered to not consider my thoughts, feelings, or dreams for the future. I think I might be in a revolving door for a while until I know when he will actually be moving out.

I still love him and probably will always. He is the man I chose to spend my life with, to have children and raise a family with, and to share my life with. He doesn't see the hurt that he is causing or the shattering of my dreams.

Comments for Dumbfounded

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Oct 27, 2010
I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

Oh my goodness. I don't understand his selfishness. All he says is he is done and that he doesn't want to work anything out. That is not right. He made a commitment and should work on what he feels is wrong. Just in my experience, when people say this it is due to sin...or wrongful behavior such as pornography or cheating. I feel for you and your kids. I'm so sorry and I just hope that my caring means something even though it doesn't change anything. Chin up....I hope that you will be able to find happiness!

Aug 01, 2010
And the battle continues
by: Michele

It has been a long weekend. The one thing I do know is that there isn't another woman. I think he is finally starting to understand the pain and heartbreak I'm feeling.

Jul 31, 2010
THERE HAS GOT TO BE ANOTHER WOMAN
by: Anonymous

If in your shoes I would say yes, there is another woman. But you can't be sure. When I left my husband of almost 30 years he was convinced there was another man even convinced our daughter of it. I told her, Yes I left your father for another man, I just have not met him yet. She was grown so I could talk openly to her. I guess because he had affair through our marriage it was just a natural thing for him to think that. A year after our divorce I did meet the man I was to marry and we have now shared over 10 years. I am so happy and never knew what it was like to be treated with respect and consideration.

But even though I was the one to leave I still grieved over the loss of the man I fell in love with when I was 17. He was gone from our marriage almost right away. Maybe he truly never existed except in my 17 year old romantic mind.

He left me on our honeymoon and stayed gone almost 6 hours. I should have gotten a clue then. I had no mother to talk to and I still thought I loved him, so I stayed. Then I went to see a therapist and made my husband admit how he treated me. They helped me realize that love does NOT conquer all. My husband said he loved me, but his actions proved otherwise.

I loved my in-laws but lost them also because they could not understand how I could leave their perfect son. Just because someone is a good son, father and friend does not insure that they will be a good husband.

I know you are hurting and my thoughts and prayers are with you. My son was 15 when we divorced and it did affect him greatly, so I will pray for you children also.

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