It is spring Break. I am a teacher so I have the week off. We always went to our favorite place in Nevada. Topaz. It ended up being a yearly thing. I loved going there. But every time we would leave I would cry. Roger would laugh and say we will be back next year sweetheart. But we are not going back this year. He died. It is almost nine months. I miss him more than anyone can ever know. I love him so much. I miss my life. I miss his sweet voice. I just can't do this. I am so alone.
Yvonne, I too am an educator and I'm on break this week, as well. This week usually involved spring cleaning, both inside and outside, breaking out the grill and having fun, lite, grilled meals in the evenings. I don't know what I'll do with myself this week. I've gotten through the winter and both the holiday and winter breaks, but this one feels more difficult. My survival has always been dependent upon having a plan, a plan to do something and to be somewhere other than home alone. This week finds a lot of my co-workers traveling and I have no place to go, and no money, really, to go anyway. Spring time, and summer time, too, I feel will be the most difficult time to get through without my husband, because that is when we first met and began dating almost 32 years ago. We were married almost 30 years when he died. He died in September, just a few weeks after starting up a new school year, and now as it comes nearly to a close, I find myself wanting to hold year-round classes, because all the promise of summer days and nights is gone.
Easter Break by: Judith in California
Yvonne, we all who come here and pour our hearts out as you are doing know exactly what you are feeling and we are here for you as friends in common. You are not alone and you can do this as hard as it is. God is always there for you too. You've made it through 9 months because you are strong.
Grieving doesn't make you weak . Only the the strong can go down this bumpy ride.
One day at a time one foot in front of the other.
It;s been 7 months for me and I've felt like you do at least once a month.
Take care of yourself .
The courage to travel solo by:
I do not know what part of CA. you live. Are you ready to take a road trip alone? I know that it is hard to do things on your own without him. If you want to take a road trip do not go where you both went. Take off to yosemite, Go to Sequoia National Forrest. Hike get some of that pent up frustration from the unfairness out. Pack a pup tent and go as far as 2 days out will take you.
It is time for new memories and that is only possible if we allow them. Here in VA there is not the huge possibility for travel that CA has. Get an oil change and go. See the beauty through your eyes for him. He wants to see joy wash over your face it is what makes you so beautiful. It is what made us all beautiful. We must somehow find peace within to be able to allow new memories. All my best always... HH
alone by: teresa
i understand how you feel alone i recently lost my fiance and i have the feeling of being so lost and alone some days i wonder if i will make it through the day but i take one day at a time. i think of larry several times a day he died in feb 2011 . this all is so new and overwhelming to me.
We'll Make It by: TrishJ
Yvonne~ I wish I lived in California. I wish all of us on this web site could get together and have a real chat ~ a good cry ~ just be there for each other. Nobody knows the pain but us. Today I took my little grandsons to have their picture taken with the Easter Bunny. Joe wasn't there. So sad. Now I'm home. I just want to be alone and cry. I don't want to answer my phone...just leave me alone. I miss Joe so much. I'm going to a grief support group. Last week's talk (the entire two hours) was on how we have to accept the death and move on. It doesn't do us any good to languish in the past, blah, blah, blah. I just don't feel ready to move on yet. They were actually talking about putting away pictures and just taking them out periodically. MOVE ON!! MOVE ON!! I'm not ready for that. I'm sitting at my computer and I can see 6 pictures of Joe ~ with the kids ~ the grandkids. I don't think I'll ever be ready to put them away. We will make it through. Our lives will never be the same and we have to do the best we can. It's not easy. I'm beginning to prepare myself to not expect too much more from this life. I had my love ~ I have two beautiful children, granchildren. I think I'll be content to just be with my friends and family until it's my time to be with Joe again. We have to look for happiness in the little things. It's so hard to think about the things we used to do together. One step, One breath at a time. We'll make it. Blessings to you Yvonne.
