easter morning/ 2012

by tina

i was asleep upstairs with our 2 young grandchildren..i heard my husband of 15 years downstairs.. i heard him call out my name... it seemed like only minutes passed..till i saw the red lights from the ambulance flashing against the walls... as they were taking him out of our home on the streacher he grabbed ahold of the door facing, raised up and looked at me.... i never knew it would be the last time.
when i arrived at the emergency room with our 2 grandchildren at my side... i was told my husbands heart at stopped twice in the ambulance, again when he arrived in the er.. and they were going to rush him into surgery... just a few minutes passed and the surgeon came in and told me that his heart had stopped again and he was gone.
i've been waiting for 2 months now for him to come back... the pain is so terrible. I'm tired of the meds that is suppose to keep me together. ... i have screamed and yelled/ i have days of total silence. my best friend/ my strength/ my joy is gone. and he is not coming back. my life will never be the same happy day to day again. i want to run so far away, but everything we had together holds me here in place... i am slowly dying in my grief.

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