by Rebecca
(Victoria, BC, Canada)

Better days

Better days

When I first got Eddie, as a tiny rescue kitten from the SPCA, he was sick. A tiny redhead, his tail was broken in 2 places, he had ringworm, upper respiratory disease and no fur on his feet, nose, and the tip of his tail. Still...he approached the front of the cage purring and bright eyed, and I knew he was the one for me.

I took him home and nursed him back to health. He became the usual vibrant, crazy, side hopping, wild eyed kitten. He played, he napped, and he loved paper bags the most.

Eddie spent 11.5 very healthy years. In that time, we moved cities, moved homes and went through the usual life's ups and downs. He was always there, listening, watching, being the most faithful and loyal cat - pure unconditional love pouring from his yellow eyes.

Eddie was a 'spooner'. He loved to be scooped up and cuddled like a teddy bear, and one of my favorite times of the week was Saturday and Sunday mornings, when I would make tea, and crawl back into bed with him, napping and purring. It was never an issue to stay home in the evening, because I always had company. I always had that other heartbeat beating in my home.

When Eddie was 12.5 years old, he was diagnosed with diabetes. Not a chubby cat at all, it was a bit of a mystery why he had it, but he did, and we had to deal with it the best we could. I did a ton of research, got him on insulin twice a day, and switched him to a 100% raw diet. Furthermore, he had some dental issues that I was unaware of, and he had some teeth removed to ease him of the pain he was in.

While during this time, my freedom and ability to go away was extremely limited, I wouldn't change a thing. It was my duty as a pet owner to take care of him, and give him a happy and healthy life. And for a whole year, we managed the diabetes, and continued to have a happy life together.

Very suddenly, within a matter of hours, just last weekend, Eddie became very ill. He started throwing up. A horrid white foamy matter, that had me very concerned. He was sick all through the night, and I have a distressing memory in my head of him lying on my bed, white foam around his little furry mouth, eyes wide and scared.

I rushed him into the emergency pet hospital where he was limp and barely responsive. They started him on IV fluids and covered him in blankets and heating pads. Later that day, he was diagnosed with pancreatitis, something for which they didn't know the cause, but they hoped that with antibiotics and fluids, he would return to normal.

The next day, Monday, they did an ultrasound, and the doctor told me that all his organs didn't look 'normal'. That they weren't smooth, but had an odd texture to them. They did a biopsy to rule out cancer, and to let me know what I was dealing with.

This time was extremely stressful. Full of anxiety and fear for my pet. On Monday evening, I went to the hospital to visit, and stayed with him for a couple of hours. He was pretty much unresponsive, but just lay there, red eyed and unable to eat or drink. It was heartbreaking. The doctors hoped that the fluids, and an increase to his potassium would help. I held on to hope.

On Tuesday morning, I went to work. But right before I left, the doctor called, and told me that Eddie hadn't had a good night. That his white blood cells were elevated, and that he would require a blood transfusion. That was it. I wasn't about to put my baby through that. I went to work, but made it less than 2 hours, and had to leave.

I went straight to the hospital to get Eddie and bring him home. I had hoped to have him with me overnight, after which I would return to the hospital to have him euthanized. My heart was breaking.

Sadly, Eddie was at home for only an hour or so, when I realized that he wouldn't make it through the night. He was only on pain medication to keep him comfortable, but he wasn't okay. He was in distress. He couldn't close his eyes. He would lay there, but then get up suddenly and go to a weird place in the house - like the bathtub, or an unusual corner. It was clear to me that he was dying and he wanted to escape. So, I called the mobile veterinarian and asked that they come to the house at 4pm that day.

I had friends and family there with me. They all came by, unplanned, and sat with me as I watched my little guy pass away. He lay on his favorite pillow, on his favorite chair, and became more relaxed than he had been in days, after the doctor gave him the sedative. Shortly afterwards, they gave him 'the shot' and his heart stopped immediately. He was no longer in pain. But he was no longer with me, either. And that hurt more than I can say.

It has now been 6 days. And while I ride the rollercoaster of grief, I know that I will be okay. I am letting my grief wash over me, as hard as it is. He was my best little guy, under my feet for 13 years. It is a very rude awakening to find him gone. He is everywhere in this house. I see him, I smell him, I hear him. I cannot describe the pain of not being able to pet his belly and rub his ears. It is the finality of death. The emptiness. The tiny being that took up so much room in my home and in my heart.

I miss you more than words can say, dear Eddie. I will miss you for a very long time. I am glad you are free. I am glad I found the courage to let you go. But God, do I miss you.

Comments for Eddie

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 27, 2013
S-O Sorry for your Loss
by: Tonya Villa

My heartfelt sympathy for your loss. My kitty just passed this week...so I know the searing pain you are feeling. Eddie was a special kitty, a part of your family. Keep the memories close to your heart. think of Eddie as no longer sick, but healthy and happy in heaven. When grieving starts concentrate on all the happy times. Eddie loves you and is still with you in spirit.

Jan 30, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you all so much for your supportive comments. They really mean a lot, and having people out there who understand what I'm going through is very therapeutic. It really helps.
I have yet to go a day without sobbing, though it is only day 8 since Eddie passed away.

I have considered volunteering, and will research the possibility once I am feeling a bit stronger. I work directly in the public eye every day, as a restaurant manager and hostess, which makes it very challenging.

I am so fortunate to have support around me, though, and again, I thank all of you for yours.

Bless you all.

Jan 30, 2013
Beautiful Eddie
by: Anonymous

It's so hard to lose someone you love. You did all you could, you gave him a wonderful life. He's waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge now, please know there are many prayers for you and all of us that so desperately miss our furbabies.

Jan 30, 2013
thank you and my heartfelt sympathy
by: Pam

Rebecca, thank you so much for your support over my little dog dying and I am so sorry for your loss. Eddie looks a sweetheart. I read your story at lunchtime in a busy foodhall when I was taking my break from work and sobbed over it - I was hoping no-one noticed me. It was terribly sad and my thoughts are with you. It's six weeks since my little guy died and I have a recurring dream that someone kidnapped him and the police brought him back home so he wasn't really dead at all... I was so excited to see him again then felt awful when I woke up. Our pets leave such an enormous hole in our lives and as they live in our homes its hard to get away from reminders of them. Big hug.

Jan 29, 2013
by: Pat

Dear Eddie's Dad,

I hear your pain. I have 2 dogs and I would be very lost without them. I have lost pets in the past. It is never easy. They really do become a part of your family. To help you through your grief, have you thought about doing some volunteer work with pet rescues or agencies that help people keep their pets, but can't afford to feed them or provide the veterinary care they need? I am working with a program that helps hospice patients keep their pets, regardless of their financial situation, until they pass away. Hospice patients have very little left to cling to so their pets mean everything to them. Helping, in some kind of manner, to save pets or help pet owners, would also be a wonderful way to help you through your grief. I wish you well. Let me know how you are doing.

Jan 29, 2013
One Week
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your comments. I picked Eddie up today and brought him home in an urn. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.It is an odd knowing, that he has been reduced to dust.

Jan 29, 2013
So sorry for your loss!
by: Linda

I am so sorry for the loss of Eddie. It is so hard to lose one of our furrbabies, because they are like one of our family. Over the years, I have lost so many, and they still hurt at times, but they do get better over time. You are in my thoughts.

Jan 29, 2013
by: Anonymous

Eddie is now in Rainbow Bridge waiting to meet up with you again one day. What a gorgeous little cat. Be strong my friend. x

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Loss of pet.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!