eddie

by Caitlin
(Boston)

My step-father passed away January 23rd, 2013. I am still having a hard time accepting that he is really gone. He was the picture of health at 52, went to the gym, biked and skied every weekend. It seems crazy to think that someone who was so alive three weeks ago is now gone. He had a heart attack on his way home from the gym, no one found him for an hour, I just keep thinking what if he wasn't alone? What if he was still at the gym? Could he have been saved?

He was my second chance at having a father. My biological dad is not a good man, my step-father raised me along with my mom since I was five. I can't help to think how cruel the universe was to take away my step-dad when my crappy biological father is still out there living somewhere. Two days after the funeral was my best friends wedding where I was maid of honor. It was so hard watching her dad walk her down the aisle knowing I will never have that. I feel like I am being selfish, another friend of mine got engaged yesterday, I wish I could be truly happy for them, but it just enhances how sad I am. I miss him so much, he came into my life and treated me as his own. I owe him so much.

Comments for eddie

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Mar 20, 2013
My dad also died from heart attack on January 23, 2013.
by: What on earth!

What is it with January 23, 2013? It must be the most unlucky day of the year. My father also suddenly died from a heart attack on January 23, 2013. He came back from the cardiologist the DAY before, on January 22. Super duper happy. The doctors said his heart looked great and there were no blockages. The next morning 12 hours later he was all happy and bouncing around the house, then he suddenly dies out of the blue as he complained of chest pain and I was driving him to the ER! What the *ell. Turns out it wasn't a heart attack, his SA/AV nodes shut down randomly so the electrical wiring in his heart shut off out of the blue. He didn't even have 5 minutes for the paramedics to get to him. By the time he felt the pain it was too late. The doctors were shocked! When his cardiologist heard the news, he layed down on the ground and couldn't get up for a while. I can't understand it man. How can anyone even predict anything like that?

Mar 18, 2013
feel your pain
by: Reet

My father too passed on Jan 23rd 2013, of a sudden heart attack. He was fit and healthy, just 56 yrs old. He did complain of chest pain but thought of it as some acidity. I am lost, broken and seeing your post makes me feel like there is someone i can share and associate my loss with. May God give us the strenght to carry on

Feb 16, 2013
Dear Caitlin,
by: Pat in Missouri

Losing a father is a big loss. I lost my own father in June, 2011. He was 90 years old, but age really has nothing to do with it. 90 years were not enough for me. I also lost my brother that year. I so vividly remember his step-son saying, "He was not my father, but he was my dad." I think he felt the same way you do about the unfairness of a biological father, who was distant toward you, but still alive, and the father who loved you and raised you passed so early. We never know or really understand why life works like this, but it just does. We have to accept it. Loss is very much a part of life. We all experience it and it's probably the worst kind of feeling we will ever have. Surely, it will help to remember that your step-father lived a good life and he passed quickly. He did not have to linger in pain. He gave you the gift of love and taught you many things you will be able to build on throughout the rest of your life, and he gave your mother love. You might try doing some things in his honor. I recently read a quote that has helped me tremendously. The gift of giving to a recipient who cannot return the gift is the biggest honor you can give. I recently helped start a new program to enable hospice patients to keep their pets, despite their illnesses. I did this in my father's and brother's name. They both loved dogs so much. This gift has meant a lot to me. I know my father and brother would be happy. You may want to try scrapbooking. Creating a book of visual memories is a wonderful memorial and so helpful when we are grieving. Share your memories with your mother. You both might find help and comfort by going to a grief support group. They are very helpful. Everyone there is going through the same thing. Take care, dear one. You have been blessed to have had a "second" father who loved you so much. Pat

Feb 16, 2013
I feel the same
by: claire manchester

Reading your story hit so many notes for me. My dad died feb 1st, he was 74 and even though he had survived several illnesses (angina, triple a, kidney disease and bladder cancer) he was still working every day - and I mean every day - was at ny house at least twice a day for his tea and entertainment - my kids and I honestly thought we had at least another 5-10yrs. I went to see he on the day as he hadn't answered his phone and I knew he was feeling poorly (he thought he had a tummy bug) so I popped over - he lives around the corner from me - I couldn't get in and I couldn't get him to come to the door! The keys were in the door! I was angry and told him off a little for not letting me in or answering his phone. He mumbled from upstairs and I asked him to promise to phone me. That was the last time I or anyone else had any contact. We had to get the police to knock out a window, my brother in law found him. I feel guilty, angry, incredibly sad for myself and my girls. I'm angry other people are living when they aren't as wonderful as my dad. Even my mum. I feel awful for saying that but my brother and sister feel that too. I though I was doing ok, had the service on 14th and we cried and cried but managed to tell everyone what an amazing person he was. They already knew. I still feel that crushing pain in my chest, I have a zillion memories that are hurting me, every day its actually worse but at this point I'm hiding it. He was part of my every day and unsure how to cope xx

Feb 16, 2013
eddie
by: Doreen U.K.

Caitlin it is normal to feel the way you do. You have lost a father (forget the step bit. he raised you so he is your father.) When my husband died I didn't expect to be vulnerable to the point that it hurt to see other's with their husband's and still enjoying life. We are generally happy for our friends enjoying their father's and wives enjoying still having their husband's alive. BUT IT HURTS. It is part of our Grief to feel this way. It will pass. Life feels as if it is backwards and upside down. Your biological father here and the father you know Gone. My father is 91yrs. in bad health. Being cared for and doesn't have a good quality of life. He definitely doesn't want to live like this and wishes for death every day. My husband died of cancer at age 65yrs. and wanted to live. It hurt to look into the sad face of a dying man who wanted to live so much it hurt all of us. This does make my grief worse as a result. Such is life. I won't even try to understand the injustice of life. It give's us what we don't want much of the time and takes from us what we want and need. But this is human thinking. Knowing God says that one day He will address the imbalance and life will one day in the future be as it was meant to be. NO MORE DEATH. SORROW. PAIN.GRIEF.LOSS.SADNESS.UNHAPPINESS. ETC. Now this is something to HOPE for and Hold on to. You will rise from the ashes. You will get your life back. You will get over your grief. But in time. Try an enjoy the journey. You are still young.

Feb 16, 2013
I'm so sorry
by: Katie

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my dad in exactly the same way in November, picture of health on minute gone the next and I'm still struggling to believe it. The only difference was he was surrounded by people, even a policeman tried to save him but it made no difference, so please don't be too hard on yourself thinking what if. I totally understand how you feel about weddings, its only natural, i got engaged in September and I'm going to try and make the wedding a good party for my dad, my mum's going to walk me down the isle, but I've no idea what's going to happen with the father of the bride speech! . Sorry for going on, think what I'm trying to say is your not alone and go easy on yourself, how your feeling is normal, my heart goes out to you.

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