Edna Markle Brown Light 91

My mother is gone. How can that be? She was always there...and now she is gone. I want her back so bad! I want her to hold me and to tell me that everything will be ok. I want to hold her and to tell her over and over that I love her; that I need her; and make her promise to stay with me forever.

I am sixty years old and I am homesick for my mother, just like I was when I was six and spent the night with my cousins. I remember going to bed, crying for her, yet knowing that in the morning (however far morning seemed to be) that she was going to drive over to pick me up. Now I am that same six year old child, crying for my mother, and knowing that morning will never come. Momma is never going to come and pick me up out of this deep dark depressive loneliness that I feel for her.

Momma! Momma! Momma! I cry in my heart and in my head for her. I cannot say it aloud because I am constantly being reminded that I should be grateful for having her all these years. I want to scream out and say, "It doesn't matter how old she was...I STILL NEED MORE TIME WITH HER!!! I want Momma...

I knew she was going to die. She talked to me about it repeatedly and tried to prepare me for the inevitable...I even stupidly thought I was prepared. I was not. I am not. I will never accept be able to accept that my precious Momma is gone. God help me, I miss her.

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