EIGHT MONTHS AND STILL GRIEVING
I lost my Barry back in November 2009. It's been almost nine months now and I am still really grieving for him. My outward appearance looks like I'm coping well but really I'm still a mess emotionally. No one wants to hear about my feelings anymore- they think I am OK because it's easier for them to think that than to have to face my real emotional state.
Today I tried to clean out the top drawer of Barry's dresser. My friend, also a widow, said just do one drawer. Well I found his Hiram Award from his Masonic Lodge in CA and I bawled for 30 minutes. For some reason going through his things is the hardest thing I've ever done. I think I should be doing this, I think I need this to start moving forward again, but it is also almost impossible to do it. Touching his beloved belonging his cuff links, his watches, his tee shirts makes me ache for him.
I took off my wedding ring and but it in my jewelry box. My little size 6 is there inside his size 13, wrapping me up the way he used to wrap me in his arms. I miss him so much. Who am I? I'm not a wife anymore. How can I get along without him.