by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

I lost my Barry back in November 2009. It's been almost nine months now and I am still really grieving for him. My outward appearance looks like I'm coping well but really I'm still a mess emotionally. No one wants to hear about my feelings anymore- they think I am OK because it's easier for them to think that than to have to face my real emotional state.

Today I tried to clean out the top drawer of Barry's dresser. My friend, also a widow, said just do one drawer. Well I found his Hiram Award from his Masonic Lodge in CA and I bawled for 30 minutes. For some reason going through his things is the hardest thing I've ever done. I think I should be doing this, I think I need this to start moving forward again, but it is also almost impossible to do it. Touching his beloved belonging his cuff links, his watches, his tee shirts makes me ache for him.

I took off my wedding ring and but it in my jewelry box. My little size 6 is there inside his size 13, wrapping me up the way he used to wrap me in his arms. I miss him so much. Who am I? I'm not a wife anymore. How can I get along without him.


Click here to add your own comments

Jan 23, 2012
by: Laverne

I lost my husband June 2010 battling cancer. I have not remove any of his personal belonging. It just to hard.I miss him so much. I still have my melt downs. People continue to say...He is not suffering anymore. Yes I know. But I don't have my husband anymore. When does it get easier. I try to stay busy....but I have to go back home. I ask God to give me strength daily to get though. I try to hide it from the outside by the inside my heart is broken. Hopefully I will be able to remove his things soon. Thanks so much for listening.

Aug 03, 2010
Grief.. it sucks.
by: Jenny

Just remember.....
There is no time limit on grief...
We all deal with it so differently.
But i believe eventually we will get
there.. We have to. We have the choice
to make the best of each day. Our partners
would want that........ Would they not????

Stay strong,


Aug 02, 2010
Got to grieve your own way
by: Anonymous

Aug 6th will be 8 months in. And It will hit me just as hard, just when I thought I was getting better. His things are around but I hide them when I see em. Shove them in a drawer etc. But they always jump out unexpectedly. A Hospital bracelet stuck in paperwork. A wedding picture fluttering to your feet. All things just make you squint your eyes trying to make the pain disappear. Some hold on to their things for comfort, some hide them away from pain. You need to do whatever you are comfortable with. There is No Time Line for Grief, The good the bad and the ugly. I hope more good than bad...HH

Aug 01, 2010
My Life...My Husband
by: Anonymous

I know what you're going through. On January 30 2010 my life was ripped away from me and today is our anniversary. I bought him a bouquet of balloons and a card. I plan on sending them to him this evening. I try not to burden my family and friends by talking about it, so I appear to be coping with it and they all think I'm fine.

But I don't know who I am any more. We didn't have a whole lots of friends because all we needed was each other. Now I don't have him anymore. Who am I without him?

I had our daughter go through the closet and remove his clothes, but I'm just starting to get the dresser and other stuff. Some things I can't part with. All I really want is to be able to have him hold me again so I can tell him how much I love him. God help me i count the day, months and years (whatever it might be) until we are together again.

When we first met we were married a month later. We knew right away we were right for each other and our love was so strong and continued to grow as the years went by. I'm not saying we didn't have our little fights, we did, but god was it fun making up. Ha!

God please love and protect my love. Happy Anniversary Honey. I will always love you.


Aug 01, 2010
Eight months for me too
by: Anonymous

My love John died last November as well. I know what you mean - you don't want to burden your friends, but it helps yourself to go through it in your mind - I only found this site today, I felt John sit on my bed about 5 am, I got on the computer, and just googled recovering from grief - best thing I ever did.

I have posted my story, sort of twice, once in answer to another posting, and as my own blog.

We were living in our caravan, travelling around, I got rid of his clothes straight away, but the van needed cleaning out, and it took until two weeks ago to tackle it, and then my daughter helped me. I still have quite a few things to do, what with the house and all, but I will get there.

I also have little meltdowns, when I am alone, most people think I am coping really well, and I suppose I am, but sometimes I just need to let go - the piece on this site re: the stages of grief are so accurate - print them out and have them close by - nothing is unusual, nothing is normal - we all handle it differently - I forgot how to cook - completely!!

One of my strategies is to think how John would expect me to react in circumstances, and act accordingly - works most of the time.

Use this site - it is fantastic - express yourself here, it will help.

Aug 01, 2010
I know how much it hurts!
by: Samantha

Judy, I know how much it hurts to touch the
things that belonged to Barry. Mike was my husband for 39 years, and I lost him in Jan 09. But, after 18 months and still grieving, I am
finding comfort in the clothes, the hats, the belts, etc. that my husband once wore. Don't
be too quick to rid your life of these items. I
put Mike's in a closet that I don't have to open,
unless I'm ready. When I do open it, I dwell
in the past with my love for a while. I feel much
better afterwards.

It is a release to cry it all out - Don't hold it in. It doesn't matter what anyone else says about the way you should act, or the speed that you should recover from your loss - they are not You! Each person has to walk this path on their own (or with The Lord if you let Him). I can see a small light at the end of the tunnel, but it's still a long way off.

One day at a time, one memory at a time, one tear
at a time - don't push too hard to go forward. You'll just have to go back and do it over again.
I hope that helps a little.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!