Eight months today. I couldn't go 8 hours with out his touch or his smile. Now it has been 8 months. The pain is as fresh as day 1. Probably even fresher because then I was in a fog. A daze from all that was happening. People everywhere. Memorial to plan. Papers to sign. But now the phone has stopped ringing. I come home from work to no messages used to be 3 or 4. No one dropping by. As a matter of fact I think they are ignoring me. I must have the plague. I can go days without talking to a soul. Never before had I gone one day-one hour- with out talking to someone. Eight months, I miss you so much Roger. I love you with all of my heart.
Oh how i know how you feel. I feel worse today than months ago. I too want to hold my husband, feel his strong hands and arms around me. He gave me my security, my strength my hope and now i have nothing. no one to say Good night i love you" too no one to hold me when i am sleeping. No one to kiss me in the morning on our way to work. No one to sit and have dinner with. No one to cuddle with to laugh at our stupid inside jokes with. Even if we sat together and didn't say a word...we were together and it was suppose to be forever. He was suppose to take care of me and grow old with me. He was taken away after one year of marriage and all i can do is cry, and ask why! I am tired, i am scared, i am afraid. I go to counceling and i keep going but is it really helping. I am depressed i can't go any where i can't be with people i am afraid of going places we went together to, i don't want to be around families or couples and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. I found this site and i hope to talk with people who share my feelings as well. I am 42, i married for the first time at 40 and lost him at 41. And to be 42, alone and a widow is just too much to handle.
Eight months by: Judy
Yvonne,
Your posting about eight months of widowhood caused me to go back and read my own posting about this mark in time. Although there is no official timeline of bad spots in grieving, I believe that eight months is an especially hard time. As you say, the friends and family have disappeared back into their own lives, the blessed fog that protects you for the first weeks is gone and you are left with the reality of being alone.
I also live alone and if it were not for talking to my cat I would spend most weekends in complete silence. No one calls with the exception of my daughter who does a weekly check-in, in which I say I am fine regardless of how I'm feeling that day. She is 3000 miles away in LA; what can she possibly do to alleviate the loneliness except worry. Loneliness is the constant companion of widows, especially those of us who have lost our best friend.
Not much I can say will make you feel better so consider this a hug from a sister in widowhood.
JM
I understand.... by: trisha
I feel your pain. I lost my Darrell five months ago. He took his own life. We used to talk all the time, every day. He was in Minnesota and I am in Colorado. I miss him every moment. I'll talk with you if you need someone......
~ t
sadness by: Tony
I am sad most of the time, too. I retired, and have no one to talk to, either. Most everyone has moved on, except my brothers and me. Life is very hard, lonely, even going to Mass is sad. I miss my mom, guess I`ll always be a mommas boy no matter what, but life goes on, hugs to you in your grief.
Eight months for me too by: M Mack
Yvonne,
I know where your coming from at this point. I am coming up to the 8 month day and it is terrible. The memories are as fresh and alive as I sit here.......every moment before and after I found him. I want to hug him, hold his hand, cuddle in his arms and have him back. It brings tears to my eyes when I think how in love we were. We will have ups and downs and it's up to us if the phone rings. We can do this Yvonne. We just need to live the day, one at a time. You make the call, check in with your old friends. Find out what their up to and maybe it will get the ball rolling for the phone to ring again. I'm trying this trick for myself and just maybe I'll pass the 8 month as I have every month.....hope they remember me! Give it your best and sending you a hug!
