Elaine E.

by Elaine

My precious daughter was an RN. She hurt her back on the job and had back surgery. She had problems with the surgery and went on to have 9 more surgeries to her back including a pain pump, neuro-stimulator and various other surgeries to maintain her body functions due to the other surgeries.
She was given pain medication through all of this and ultimately became an addict. She went through treatment centers that did not help because she was on medicaid and they will not pay for a long term care facility for her due to her pain managment situation.
She has been diagnosed with bacterial meningitis twice this past year due to her problems with her pain pumps .
I lost her March 11, 2014. I was staying with her for two days while her husband was out of town. We had a wonderful visit and we talked a lot about her issues with medication and the fact she would soon have another surgery to remove the second pain pump because it was coming out through her skin. She showed it to me and I just thought to myself she would never survive another surgery because she was so fragile. Her heart had started failing too.
They had put a pic line in her arm that went straight to her heart to treat the meningitis with antibiotics. She came home from the hospital with loads if antibiotics and of course her many pain meds, etc.
I talked to her sternly not to do anything that would cause a problem since she was so weak and the line was straight to her heart. She had no veins left in her body. It took the hospital 14 housrs to get this line into her.
She is gone now I have memories and her things to look through and to decide what to keep or give away.
This is harder than I ever imagined, even though I knew it would come one day because of all the close calls in the past. I have a strong faith in The Lord and I know she is in heaven, which is a huge relief. She went to take a bath before her husband came home and injected something (still waiting for the autopsy report). I was just with her a hour before when I got the call from her husband to get there right away. She was already gone when I arrived.
I am needing to learn how to pick up the pieces of my life again. I have a mother with declining health and another daughter that is an addict by choice on meth. I know soon I will be losing more people in my life and somehow I will be dealing with all of this If any others have some words of wisdom I would appreciate help.

Comments for Elaine E.

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Mar 20, 2014
Your daughter
by: Kate

I know you are in shock. I went there when my 39 year old son died. I don't know how I went on. The whole first year I think I was in shock and it was because it is too hard to accept that our child is gone. Little by little the pain comes and we can cry scream be angry or devastated -all those emotions will come.
It is unfair to see our child die. I understand your feelings of lost walking as you endure. I too have faith in Heavenly Father but still,it is so hard to endure. Remember as time goes by that anything you feel is normal,grief is all mixed up. With faith I beg God to help me daily. I had to wait on the autopsy and it was accidental death,cocaine and alcohol. Devastating ! To loose our children that way. Overwhelming hurt. My heart is with you. Take one day at a time. Don't expect too much of yourself. Hugs in cyber space to you.

Mar 20, 2014
by: Anonymous

Dear ELaine It sounds like you have been thru a great deal of pain, I'm so sorry, I am also a nurse, and I know you were a very proudom, as well you should be. We as humans do not intentionally to ruin out lives, your daughter apparently just met the end of her rope, as well as your other daughter who is addicted to meth. There is no way you could have predicted this was going to happen. You supported her, you talked with her, still the final outcome was not positive. Grief can be overwhelming, I too just had a loss, not to long ago, I cleaned out my moms home and wondered what to keep and what to save, everything was apparently special to her, and I ended up with more things than I should have, but they were her things. I organized what I kept, I gave to various non profit charities, that took the edge off. Today I cried all day today, and know that I will have many more of those days, and you will too. She knew you loved her, by the support and love you gave her, when grief is unbearable I ask my mom to help me, I can feel her, and that is a comfort. I'm so sorry for your loss, losing a child has to be unbearable, and you only have another loss looking you in the face per your story. May your heart follow many proud and happy moments you shared.

Mar 20, 2014
Elaine E.
by: Doreen UK

Elaine I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter to a sudden death. You have lost a child/adult child some 9 days ago and it is much too soon to try and move forward. It will take a long time. The best way forward I learned on this sight is ONE DAY AT A TIME!. I lost my mother 11yrs. ago today and my husband 22 months ago. I think somehow I am grieving more for my mother now at the same time as grieving for my husband. One never knows if they have grieved fully for a lost loved one because triggers are going off all the time. Most often grief counselling is needed when one has lost a child/adult child. You have a mother to care for and another daughter and this is adding to your grief. You could do with some good support otherwise you will be overloaded with it all. I am glad that you know The Lord. Having God in one's life is the only way we are going to HEAL from our grief, as God is our HEALER. I could not function for the first 6 months after losing my husband. I took to the couch and did NOTHING. It took all of 6 months for me to nurture myself back from grief till I was able to do small things each day and built on this. I was so numb with grief and so was able to sort out my husband's clothes and put them in charity bags and give them to the Salvation Army. The personal items I have had to put away in His log cabin till I can deal with them. I had to disconnect myself from what I was doing so I could deal with my husbands clothes otherwise it would all pile up and add to the load. It is now getting a little easier. I then sorted out my husband's garage with a collection of over 40yrs. I had the help of my son-in-law. This made it easier. You may be able to get some support in sorting out your daughters things. Reach out to other's at this time. Speak to charities they may be able to assist you and collect the items. We have so many burdens to carry throughout our lives on earth. I have to reach out to God who is our burden bearer when things get too much. Lean harder on God. Feel His comfort and His Peace.

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