Elaine - My Sweet Darling Wife - 14th Feb 1947 to 25th Jan 2012

by Joe
(Essex)


On 25th January 2012 my whole world fell apart, as my sweet darling Elaine passed away. One minute the world was a lovely place, the next it was a living nightmare. Elaine had to be rushed to hospital, she had several cardiac arrests, and twelve hours later the life support machines were switched off. I was at her bedside and it was so very hard to watch her slip away from me. Since that day I have visited this site, which has helped enormously. I have also had a lot of support from family and friends, but mostly from my stepson (Elaine's son) Jason. He lives about 250 miles from me, but he came straight away to see his Momma, and has been here most days, having had to go back to Devon for a couple of days for work etc.
The funeral was yesterday, and we really did Elaine proud, gave her a really good send off. Plenty of people were at the service, and afterwards at our local pub, because she touched a lot of hearts over the years.
At the moment, with everybody gone back to their lives, and most of my family scattered around England, I feel very vulnerable. I miss that girl so much, and love her more that anything in the world. Last year I had stage 4 lymphoma, and she nursed me through it all for nine months, until I was better. She was an absolute trojan - then this happens.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this life without her. I just know I have to try, because if I didn't try, Elaine would go mad at me.
Miss you my sweet darling, and I love you forever.
Your loving husband,
Joe

Comments for Elaine - My Sweet Darling Wife - 14th Feb 1947 to 25th Jan 2012

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Aug 30, 2012
Update
by: Joe (Essex)

It's been seven months now since my beautiful wife Elaine went to Heaven. I miss her very much and cry sometimes when I am alone at home. We were together nearly 31 years, and married for 29 years, and we both thought there would be many more years ahead of us. I have dreamt about Elaine a few times, and each time the dream seemed so real, like she was actually there. Over these past months I have found hairgrips around the house in odd places (she was forever losing hairgrips), and finding them makes me smile. I believe I have had other signs that she is still with me in spirit, and I can feel that she is here with me. I am getting on with my life to the best of my ability because she would want me to live a good and decent life. On the anniversary of her passing in January 2013 I am going to plant an oak sapling in a 'Life for a Life' forest here in England. It will be a lovely memorial to Elaine that should live for many hundreds of years. I am also doing other things to keep her name and memory alive. I feel lonely, not for anybody else, just for her. I will love her until the day I die, and I know that when it is my time, Elaine will be there to ease my passing.

Love you Elaine, RIP Baby.

Joe
xx

Feb 28, 2012
Elaine RIP my darling
by: Joe

Today is 28th Feb. The 25th Feb was the first month anniversary of Elaine's passing, and was an incredibly difficult day for me. I now have Elaine's sacred ashes at home with me, and when I go I want them buried with me. Work has been difficult, but I get through the day and cry on the way home. Walking into our house is not lonely like I thought it would be, I feel comforted somehow because I believe my darling is with me. We shared this house for 25 years and her touch is all around.
I'm incredibly sad and cry a lot when I think of her, of all the things we did, of all the things we will now never do.
I love you my darling, please visit me in my dreams if you can.

Love
Joe
x

Feb 18, 2012
My Sweet Darling Elaine
by: Joe

TrishJ, Karl, Rona,
Thank you for your kind words. It's comforting to read comments and stories on this site.
I have struggled a lot today, looking at photos of Elaine, listening to music we liked, and that I played at the funeral. I came in from the shops and she wasn't there - feel so vulnerable, sad and lonely.
Luckily I have our two cats to look after, Cindy and Ruby, and they are a great comfort to me. As well as being a link to Elaine, they seem to know everything is not as it should be.
I love that girl with every fibre of my being, and I will do so until we are together again.
One breath, one step, one day at a time.
Joe
x

Feb 17, 2012
Words cannot describe such a loss.
by: Rona

I struggle to comprehend the loss that you must be feeling, but to have had a life time with your love will one day (I hope....) overshadow this pain. Death does not take the memories with it. My favorite quote " you cannot die if you continue to live in the hearts of the people you loved". And leave that legacy is something most of us strive to do.
XX Rona

Feb 16, 2012
Loss of our long time loves
by: Karl

Joe and Trish:
I read your blogs and they were so familiar. I survived leukemia with a bone marrow transplant only to watch breast cancer kill my wife of 37 years. My survival hardly seemed worth it trying to live life without her. Then I realized no matter how much I cried she was not going to come back. I got better for a bit. Then when the winter holidays and her birthday hit these past months I was in more pain than before. I suppose this is a bit of an emotional roller coaster - one step back, two steps forward. Depression has been a problem but I find exercise is very important for me and I always feel better after. I also call upon all my friends daily, literally call or call upon them, to combat the overwhelming loneliness. Thanks for sharing your stories. karl

Feb 16, 2012
Sweet Elaine
by: TrishJ

Joe~
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of over 37 years a little over one year ago. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I miss him so much.
You are so new in this grief you have to take it very easy for the next 6 months. Your whole system is trying to adjust to life without your beloved wife. It will take a while for you to get used to life without her.
She will always be with you. She will forever be in your heart. Talk to her and let he know how you feel. I still talk to my husband daily. I know he's with me. I know he's watching over our family. It still hurts and I miss him every day. Be good to yourself and be a little selfish for now. You have to take things very slowly. Most days I feel like I'm in a foreign land and don't understand the language. It's a work in progress.
God bless. I hope for the best for you.

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