ELISA IS LOST WITHOUT HUGO, AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO GO ON

by ELISA MARIE R-M
(NEW YORK, USA)

hUGO'S RESTING PLACE, NY

hUGO'S RESTING PLACE, NY

hUGO'S RESTING PLACE, NY
hUGO'S Vietnam (Army) Plaque at our home under his favorite cherry tree
MY HANDSOME HUGO

I THOUGHT I WAS LOST WHEN MY HUSBAND, HUGO J. DIED IN MY ARMS; BUT I FEEL MORE LOST NOW. I DO NOT KNOW WHO I AM ANY MORE. HIS DEATH LEFT ME BEGGING GOD TO PLEASE RETURN HIM TO ME BECAUSE I NEED HIM SO BADLY. HE WAS MY WORLD IN EVERY WAY, AND I SURELY WAS HIS, HE MADE ME FEEL THAT FOR 46 GREAT YEARS, EVEN THE 2 YEARS HE WAS AWAY IN THE ARMY, SERVING IN THE VIETNAM WAR, HE MADE HIS LOVE KNOWN IN THE MOST TOUCHING, ADORING LETTERS. I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO US AND HOW WE MET, LOVED IMMEDIATELY, GOT ENGAGED, AND WHEN HE RETURNED FROM THE WAR, WE MARRIED.
WHERE DID THE TIME GO? I AM ALONE NOW, AND EVERY DAY SINCE HUGO DIED, I CRY, MY HEART HURTS WITH SUCH A CRUSHING PAIN OF SORROW, MISSING HIM AND NOT BEING ABLE TO MAKE ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT I FEEL LIKE INSIDE ALL THE TIME. IT'S NO LONGER US, BUT ONLY ME, AND "ME" FEELS SCARED A LOT, VERY LONELY, SAD, AND DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HERSELF--LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT, DON'T FEEL WELL, ALWAYS EMPTY, AND LOOKING FOR HUGO.

ALL I CAN SAY IS MOSTLY EVERY DAY I WISH TO FALL ASLEEP AND SEE HUGO IN FRONT OF ME, TOGETHER AGAIN TO START OUR LIVES AGAIN, EVEN BETTER THE SECOND TIME AROUND. I PRAY HE DIDN'T FORGET ME, THEN I SAY TO MYSELF HOW WOULD HE, HE PROMISED IN ALL THOSE LETTERS TO LOVE ME FOREVER UNTIL HE DIED, AND EVEN AFTER THAT. SO I GUESS HE MEANT IT.

I'M ELISA, AND THERE ARE A LOT OF ME'S FEELING AS I DO.
DEATH HURTS.

LOVE TO ALL, ELISA M. FROM NEW YORK
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

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