Elizabeth Ann Lydecker 4-19-1938- 12-25-2013 My mom

by Kathleen Lydecker
(Kearny, NJ)

Mom on the left. I love you mommy.

Mom on the left. I love you mommy.

My mom "Betsy" was greatly loved by everyone she knew. My entire family feels blessed to have known and loved her. Mom always loved having people around, and she especially loved her grandchildren. Mom could cook one great meal no matter when she cooked. Whenever she was around she created laughter, a sound that still echoes in my memory. There are no words to describe just what she did for me or what she was for me. Honestly I don't know where I would be without her, she was my hero.

On December 25th 2013 mom passed away of septic shock due to an accidental puncture of her esophagus by her cardiologist, who was doing endoscopy for a routine TEE test. My brothers, sister and I were forced to make a tough decision to stop medications which were keeping her alive due to complete organ failure. On Christmas 12:53 AM mom died. I held her hand as her heart beat its last, just as she held me once as I took my first breath.

Comments for Elizabeth Ann Lydecker 4-19-1938- 12-25-2013 My mom

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Dec 02, 2014
almost 1 year later
by: Kathleen

It's been a rough year without mom, and I had actually forgotten that I posted this but I was grieving my mom and for some strange reason I typed her name in google...funny the things we do when missing someone isn't it? Anyway this post popped up in the search engines and it was such a comfort to hear from others like me. Thank you for taking the time to share your own grief with me, I feel a little less alone. This was the first year without my mom calling to say happy birthday to me, and it crushed me because I wasn't expecting it to hurt so much but it did. To all who responded to my post: hang in there we all have a path to walk and for some of us the way isn't clear and it's full of hidden obstacles. I do believe however that our loved ones are working in our lives even more powerfully than they ever could while here.
Doreen: I am so sorry for your loss thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me at a time when I was lost.
Josie: Guilt is a horrible thing to carry around and your mom is no longer afraid or in any discomfort. I'm sure she would love to tell you so if only she could. I felt terrible about leaving my mother by herself last thanksgiving and I didn't even want to cook this year but I did it, because she would have wanted me to. Love is eternal and is something that will not pass away.
God Bless you and keep you.

Jan 07, 2014
Elizabeth Ann Lydecker 4-19-1938 - 12-25-2013 My mom
by: Doreen UK

Kathleen I am sorry for your loss of your mom to an accidental death. Such a sad time of the year to lose a loved one. Death at any time is hard to bear but when it was preventable makes one's grief worse. With every operation one is briefed of the risks. But one has to outweigh those risks in view of one's quality of life and the need to live without pain. This helps us keep a balance when grieving.
Even if we all know we are going to die one day, it is never something we think of till it comes. Life is something we have to embrace and live as best as we can, richer for life's experiences. I get to ponder often what life will be like when I am not here and what and who I will miss from my life. I lost my husband to cancer 20 months ago and forced into thinking and planning for my own death. When I buried my husband I purchased a grave for two so I feel relieved that I have tied up this part of my life and also put my Will in place. Now I have to prepare a book with all the information in so it helps my daughter and she doesn't have to wonder about things to do and find. She is concerned about this. The worst part of dying is knowing one is going to be put in the ground. Even if one doesn't know anything it still is a very daunting feelings whilst one is alive. My husband was always concerned about this aspect of death. We don't like to think about death because it is morbid. But it is a fact of life. Taking one day at a time is so helpful in getting through grief. I have some very bad days of sudden tears and missing my husband so much. Sometimes it is unbearable. But after a good cry I feel better. Reading another post here someone suddenly remembered they didn't take their mother out for afternoon tea. It is these sudden thoughts that trigger of our grief all the time. My sadness is that my husband never got to go to Australia. I wanted to take him but at that time he was busy working all over the world with his own job. You will have similar memories. Let them come and they will pass as part of one's healing. Surround yourself with good support as this helped me so much and I value this. Good support helps the healing process. I wish you a gentle passage through your grief and better days to come in your recovery from grief.

Jan 06, 2014
Feel so alone
by: Josie

I am truly sorry to hear about your loss may God have her
In his heavenly arms. I am the only daughter and three older brothers my Mom had when she was sick in the hospital in California (I live in Vegas) with pneumonia we were told that no antibiotics were working she was on a respirator but was conscious. I had no other option but to come back to Vegas. When I told her I had to leave but I would be back she
Shook her head no that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I cried all the way back sure enough I got the dreadful call my Mom was gone and she was alone. I have never forgiven myself for not being there when she needed me most. You are very blessed to have been with your Mom until the end. I am 53yrs old and lost my last surviving brother on Mother's Day 2013. I feel your pain the only
Thing that keeps me going is my faith and my grandchildren and adult kids. I have no support from them they just all tell me to get over it. I thank God they have not gone through what I have until then they will understand. My prayers go out to you and your family. God Bless.

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