Life is a bitch but grief is worse. Changed it from "Life is a bitch and then you die." Know what, Jim told me more than once that he would want me to move on with my life and I told him the same thing. I need to embrace life again and to live, otherwise is to do a disservice to him. None of us know what God has planned but we can all make a choice about who we are and where we are going from here. I have a lot of first still before me but will not I let them get the better of me. To do that is like giving up and I do not give up willingly. I will go forward and do the best I can with what I have, right or wrong. At least I am learing to embrace life again and to look forward to tomorrow. Jim will not be with me on this journey but he will always be in my heart and always be a part of me. Without him I would not be the person I am today. For that I am forever grateful. I choose to live life and not live in the "what might have been". He would not want that and I refuse to do that. Each day is a new day and each day we all face new choices. I choose to move forward and I know that I will take one step forward and two steps back but that is life and I accept it as such. I cannot change the past but I can make a difference going forward. "Life is the sum of all your choices." ~Albert Camus
I started to posted this on the FaceBook's WidowNet site but decided not to. I was not sure how they would take it. God gave us a mind and he gave us a life. What we do with these is our choice. I choose to move forward despite the rough road ahead. I choose to embrace life and learn to live again as God and Jim would want me to do. Life is to short to wallow in my sorrow as there is so much more out there for me to explore. I not only owe it to Jim but to myself to find out who the person I truly am today and to enjoy life to the fullest with the time I have left.
I see butterflies in our patio that have never before been around. I know it is him sending a sign to me. I see the cameleon lizards more and more every day that we only saw once or twice during the summer. He is is with me and I know that he would want me to be happy.
Yes, grief sucks but so do alot of other things. What we do going forward depends on us and no one else. I cannot blame God for taking Jim so early, Jim is with me in spirit and will always be a part of me. I loved him dearly despite the bad times. No marriage is perfect but ours was good and we made the best of it but we also had our good times which I will forever treasure. "Your life was a blessing, your memories a treasure, you are loved beyond words, and missed beyond measure". I love you Jim and always will.
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