Empty and Broken

by Amanda
(Los Angeles,CA)

Ok here it goes...my name is Amanda. I am 28. I was with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. He lead me to believe that after all these years, we would eventually get married. Time went on and he never asked, so I brought it up. He said how would I feel about signing a pre nup? I was puzzled at first because he had not even asked me to marry him! We fought and fought about it. I had no idea he had any money at all. I knew his dad had a little but nothing big.

Marriage was an issue everytime I brought it up, he was never ready and didn't know when he was going to be, and here I have spent my whole twenties with him. I felt that time was being wasted, and I kept thinking about it more and more as all my friends were getting married and having babies around me.

I found out a year ago that he was a drug dealer. He had been lying to me for years that he was in construction, and as the economy went bad he lost his job and could not find work. I was devistated. I asked him how long this had been going on and he said since he was 16 (and he is 30 now). He has never worked a day in his life. I didn't even know who he was anymore.

I asked him to quit selling pot and he just blew me off at first. Then every time I brought it up, he would bite my head off. Long story short, he turned very nasty, emotionally abusive, manipulative, you name it. He broke up with me six months ago because he said he was choosing money and his "life style" over me. He also said he didn't need to answer to anyone.

I am so devastated, still to this day. All I do is think about him and what happened and how much time I wasted on him. Now I feel like I will never find anyone. I'm just a mess. Lonely and heartbroken. If anyone has any ideas of what I could do to get through this please let me know.

From Jennie:

Amanda, you are still so very young. You will eventually find a good man to share your life with. You are well rid of this man, unless you want to spend all your Sundays at the prison for "visitor's day". You need to build up your self esteem, as he gave it a good thrashing. This web site, and this page may help: Findlove-Keeplove. Don't miss the link to "Surviving a breakup". Good luck to you!

Jennie

Comments for Empty and Broken

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Jun 08, 2010
Give yourself the BEST
by: Donna Maria

Be happy you found out before you married him. And you didn't waste your youth. You gained a lot of experience very young. Choose very carefully and always have your own two feet to stand on. And if a man is not into YOU, more than you are into HIM, then he is not the one for you. You need to be adored. He is out there. Until then take the best care of yourself and treat yourself like you want to be treated by anyone that comes into your life. If you want the best, it can start by giving it to yourself.

May 27, 2010
Amanda
by: Anonymous

Amanda-
I am now 28 years old also. My ex fiancee just dumped me and broke our engagment for the 3rd time. I've written my story "I lost my love Landon" on here. The man you thought he was is not who he is. I totally understand and know how you feel with all those wasted years and seeing your friends find happiness and have children. I feel the same way. I still think of Landon as well and it's so painful and we don't get it. I don't know if we ever will. But know that I care about you...I don't even know you...but your story connects us and I want you to be happy and find happiness somehow..I want that for both of us. Keep faith. Know that you are not alone in your despair. I don't know if I have advice...that's what I seek also, but just have faith...keep moving forward..somehow...someday....we will be blessed. I'm going to check out the website the others left and hopefully it will help. I'll keep you, Amanda, in my prayers.

Feb 24, 2010
Hey Amanda
by: Deb

Amanda, like one of the previous commenters said -

You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. I understand your pain, as I have been through this situation twice now. I wish you didn't have to endure such pain. Yes and I believe in Karma, which is comforting. I wish you well and hope the next one treats you well.

Deb

Dec 19, 2009
TO AMANDA
by: ANN

MY DEAR AMANDA,
IF YOU'RE LOOKING BACKWARDS AT THE PAST, YOU CAN'T LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE AT THE SAME TIME. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS THAT YOU FOUND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS PERSON BEFORE YOU MARRIED HIM AND HAD CHILDREN.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO EXPERIENCE FREEDOM AND A NEW CHANCE TO BE HAPPY. WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER ONE OPENS.

I WISH FOR YOU ALL THE BEST AND MAY GOD DIRECT YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION TO HAPPINESS.

Dec 19, 2009
thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much! It means a lot and is refreshing to hear there is support out there. I feel like I have wasted my life away. I wish wish wish he would go to jail. I know one day it will catch up with him.

Dec 18, 2009
empty and broken
by: JAYNE

DUMP HIM BEFORE YOU WIND UP IN JAIL WITH HIM.

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