Empty and Broken
Ok here it goes...my name is Amanda. I am 28. I was with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. He lead me to believe that after all these years, we would eventually get married. Time went on and he never asked, so I brought it up. He said how would I feel about signing a pre nup? I was puzzled at first because he had not even asked me to marry him! We fought and fought about it. I had no idea he had any money at all. I knew his dad had a little but nothing big.
Marriage was an issue everytime I brought it up, he was never ready and didn't know when he was going to be, and here I have spent my whole twenties with him. I felt that time was being wasted, and I kept thinking about it more and more as all my friends were getting married and having babies around me.
I found out a year ago that he was a drug dealer. He had been lying to me for years that he was in construction, and as the economy went bad he lost his job and could not find work. I was devistated. I asked him how long this had been going on and he said since he was 16 (and he is 30 now). He has never worked a day in his life. I didn't even know who he was anymore.
I asked him to quit selling pot and he just blew me off at first. Then every time I brought it up, he would bite my head off. Long story short, he turned very nasty, emotionally abusive, manipulative, you name it. He broke up with me six months ago because he said he was choosing money and his "life style" over me. He also said he didn't need to answer to anyone.
I am so devastated, still to this day. All I do is think about him and what happened and how much time I wasted on him. Now I feel like I will never find anyone. I'm just a mess. Lonely and heartbroken. If anyone has any ideas of what I could do to get through this please let me know.
Amanda, you are still so very young. You will eventually find a good man to share your life with. You are well rid of this man, unless you want to spend all your Sundays at the prison for "visitor's day". You need to build up your self esteem, as he gave it a good thrashing. This web site, and this page may help: Findlove-Keeplove. Don't miss the link to "Surviving a breakup". Good luck to you!