Empty inside

by V

My young husband Jonathan (29) passed Jan 3, 2010. He passed from a horrible rare disease Lupus, in so much pain. Why God? Is something I still ask today. I just don’t understand why, I know I never will.

It feels like yesterday.
I write this weeping for you my husband.
I’m so sorry you had to pass that way, in so much pain.
We love you so much.
We miss you everyday.

I’ve walked into each day of this holiday season trying so hard to feel something. But there’s just nothing, I’m completely empty, feeling sick with overwhelming sadness. Our world has stopped but life just keeps going on around us. This reality is so cruel, so painful.

God we still need him.

I don’t let myself think of my reality often, it’s still too hard. And I don’t know how.

God help us.

Comments for Empty inside

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 30, 2010
The New Year ahead...
by: Anonymous

I have often said that Dec 6th 2010 was forever yesterday he was taken from me. My Love Paul Holt is still in my mind and in my heart. But if I try to make a go of this new life I was served against my will, It does not mean that I love him less, need him less.

I have done the bare minimal this last year only survived the days. Somewhere inside myself I hear a little annoying voice reminding me that I am merely surviving not living.

As I look at the Christmas stuff, bought this year (cheap) so that I would not have to peek into our past. Each ornament bringing many memories and pain. I know that a new year awaits. Having survived one very painful year without him I think that I must start to live, reach out to people in search of joy and wonder.

The loneliness that encompasses us without the ones we Loved and still Love so much should push us forward knowing that they would want only the best for us. They would want us to be happy and cannot bear seeing our tears and agony as they look down upon us.

So here is hoping that we can seek and find happiness in the new year. Our Love will not die but we must not shrivel and die within with them, they would not want that...

I hope that we can all blossom open up to the new that awaits and the joy of living that is there.

Dec 30, 2010
feeling empty
by: Jen

I am so sorry for your loss. It really is an awful empty feeling.

I lost my husband aged 41 just two years past and it is only now that im feeling stronger more confident and coping much better. I know you are far from this road feeling any easier but it does V.

I never thought last year i would feel this strength but i do and you will too when the time is right for you.

The road is a rocky one and i still get hit hard with grief but it is less now.
The kids have been a lifeline altho its hard when we put our grief last and help them thro.
That is why this site has really been a lifeline and i mean that. I have been in touch with people i now call my friends and they are always there.

V you will keep going and remember any achievement you make is a big big one..
Be proud of yourself, your doing great.

Best wishes are being sent to you from Northern Ireland... keep in touch.


Dec 30, 2010
No Magic This Year
by: Pat J

Ever since I was old enough to understand I awoke on Christmas Eve feeling the magic in the air. I went through Christmas on auto pilot ~ feeling nothing but pain and despair. I tried for 2 days to feel some of the magic. There was no magic for me.

I too have been asking God (which I know I shouldn't), "Why did you allow Joe to suffer so much (three cardiac surgeries in less than two years) and not grant him the heart transplant we both so desperately and optimistically hoped for?" My grandmother always told me, "We are never to question God, never. God doesn't give us more than we are able to handle."

I know (as I'm sure you did) that I had to handle 10 times more than I thought I could bear. I saw my husband in grueling pain, not really living the last two years of his life. I'm sure there is a life's lesson for us but I just don't see it right now. I look around and see happy couples and it crushes me to my soul. My heart aches. None of my friends have lost their spouses.

I pray for all of us grieving this New Years Eve that God can help us to focus on our blessings and less on our grief as we enter 2011. Blessings to you V.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!