What I think of most when I think of Ma is the way she would sit in front of her vanity mirror, apply her make-up and style her hair. I think I must have watched that routine hundreds of times growing up. The last time I watched her go through these motions was December 23rd 2012. I am now 34 and she passed March 1 2013 and was 52 years of age. Nothing id ever felt prepared me for the immediate void i felt and emotions i never imagined existed. I missed so many moments when I moved out of state and this is the moment I think of most. I went home to bury her and comfort our family the only way I knew how, the way should would want. After I came home I am always depressed and crying if not kept busy. I cant speak about her. There's this part of me that thinks this should hurt less, not feel as if she just died. I feel so very selfish, but I can't seem to stop thinking, and crying. She was the most beautiful, courageous, mother.