(New Jersey, USA)
I'm totally lost. I'm only 15 and I suffered so much with grief. The grief really began before I was born.
I never knew my uncle, because he died before I came on this earth. He died in April of 1997 at the age of 31. I would have liked to meet him, but I never got the chance.
The next death, and another person I never met, was my great-grandmother. I was told she was a great women, who loved her family so much. She died In May of 1998, exactly 5 days after I was born.
Over the next 6 years my family was doing well. Probably the only years of my life were I haven't felt grief so far.
Then, In May of 2004 my father died at the age of 33. I loved my father so much. I miss him to this day. Growing-up without a father is harder then you think. He died 11 days before my 6th birthday. Why me? Is this my birthday present from God? In the first couple of years, I'd always think that question. But now, I don't blame God. If God wants to call you home at such a young age, then you have to go into the light.
So after my fathers death, my grandmothers health really deteriorate. Her only children; taken. She was actually dyeing from grief. I never seen her look so sick before, I hated It. I hated watching her die from grief. She went through the last year of her life in grief.
Again, 15 days before my 7th birthday in May of 2005, my Grandmother died. I was still recovering from my fathers death, and the 2nd blow came sudden. To this day she is the strongest person I knew. Throughout her life she came across many problems. But she lost the battle to grief. I was never told the real reason how she died but, my family told me she died from a broken heart.
So 7 years go by without any major deaths until my deceased grandmothers brother died in June of 2012. And a month later my grandfather died. At only 14 in July of 2012, I lost mostly everyone on my fathers side. Something that should have happened much later in life.
So that's it. That's my whole life summed up in a few paragraphs. The reason why I decided to express my feelings of grief is because of the anniversary's of there deaths. Its been 9 years of my father, 8 years of my grandmother, and 1 year since two family member passed away. But having to go through with that as a child, It seems much longer.
I've been depressed for a long time now. I cant ever have a relationship with someone because I'm afraid I'll lose them too. May is the worse month I have to go through, and Its the month of my birthday. A month were your suppose to be happy.