Enough already

by M Mack

They say the spirit of the soul remains with loved ones when they are gone. If this is true (I believe it is) I can only imagine what Ray is saying and feeling about me right now. He sees a very sad, unsure of herself woman, afraid to make a move in the right direction. He sees some who is so different than the one he knew and loved. He feels my sadness and hates that I won't and don't want to let go. He used to say that in order to love others, you need to love yourself. So if he is here in spirit and sees how much I dwell and live in his memory, he'd understand my grief and sympathize. In the meantime, it's going to be nine months on the 23rd of April and knowing him, he'd say something like "come on already, enough!"

He'd be right and I agree to do something about it, fix it, get better. He was a firm believer that you have to take control of yourself, make good things happen, create your own good karma. I can and will do this for him as well as for myself. The memories of our past come daily, weekly and are haunting. We can and do this, hang on for dear life, no guilt, no anger, less sadness. Hope everyone here tries the same as a new season approaches.

Comments for Enough already

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Apr 18, 2011
Live for you now
by: Tina in Chicago

Dear Sweet Lady, your letter struck a cord with me when you state your lost loved one "was your life" and you lived for him. Can you now live for yourself? Remember him, love him, miss him, but most of all remember he is cared for now by the greatest caregiver!! Live what is left of your life, enjoy those grandchildren and friend. You will meet your life's love again and it will be glorious. He will be whole, you will be whole and an eternity of love will be yours. But for now carry on day by day.

God Bless you along your journey.

Apr 15, 2011
the glass is half full

You will come through the other side of grief eventually. You understand what you are trying to attain. You are trying to get to the point where the past is not your anchor. Where you are able to forge ahead in this new life with purpose and possibilities of your future.

Someone once asked me if I saw my future. And to be honest I did not. Still on a day to day survivor of grief. One day when it is right you will some how know....I'm going to be o.k.

Apr 14, 2011
Enough already
by: Donna

Hi Mary,
I know how you feel, it'll be nine months for me on the 23rd also. I have all of the same feelings you do. I know Bryan is wanting me to go on without him and not to grieve for him forever, he told me that before he died. I am trying so hard to do that. I am so tired of being depressed and lonely all of the time. It is so hard, but I have printed several of the post from this site, that way even if I am having computer problems I can still refer back to them to help me through the really tough times. Two of the post that I read the most are It gets easier and 7 weeks. I am trying to go on with this journey all alone and make Bryan proud of me. I know that he will always be my guardian angel, cheering me on and guiding me through this life. May peace be with you and everyone on this site. As always I go one step one breath one day at a time. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS BRYAN

Apr 14, 2011
Enough already
by: Mari

Trish, my husband became a completely different person toward the last. I am sure he knew he was going to be with the Lord so at times he acted out. I would say,''Sweetheart, I know you believe in a God that is always with you and all you need to do is whisper His name.'' He said,''Oh yes.'' I was reading emails that had been written to family at that time. I saved them.
It made me realize that he suffered so much. He had a a heart attack and ended up in ER and I happened to be working there at the time. He went to the heart hosp to have stents put in his heart. His blood sugar was high, and he had many other issues.
What he said the most was that he loved me and he worried about his ''babies'' the numerous grandchildren. I believe he would want me to go on and find happiness.Well, I am coming along with a new job and working here at the complex so that keeps me busy. Church also helps me. If the situation were reversed I believe he would have a very hard time because I took care of finances, what he could eat, needed meds, made sure he had clean clothes, you name it.He was my life and I looked out for him. So I am really making an effort for him and for me. One of the sisters from church and I go out to breakfast every Thursday morning and we take turns paying. It is wonderful fellowship and fun. My 13 yr old Grandaughter looks out for her grandma. She is the one wants to be here for me the most. She was the closest to her grandpa.
Joe would probably really have had a difficult time without you. You are right that men handle things differently.They get used to being taken care of. Anyway God is always there for us and we just have to keep going. Can you imagine the glorious reunion in heaven?

Apr 14, 2011
Positive Husbands...
by: TrishJ

Hi Mary Mack~
I too live in the Chicago area (far north). My husband always had such a positive attitude ~ it wasn't so positive the last few months so I really should have known what the outcome would be. I think he knew. He didn't want to upset me. I'm at four months and having such a hard time getting motivated. I left my job last July to take care from him. We thought he would get his heart transplant at the University of Chicago but God had other plans.
I'm just sort of existing right now. Just getting by. Sure....sure I have friends and family but nobody knows what we go through but us.
I often sit and wonder what Joe would be doing were the situation reversed. I'm pretty sure he would've been very sad for a few months then picked himself up and moved on. Men are different creatures than we women. We will survive. Hang in there. Be strong.
Peace and love to you.
We'll get through this ~ with God's help.

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