Enough already

by M Mack
(Chicago)

They say the spirit of the soul remains with loved ones when they are gone. If this is true (I believe it is) I can only imagine what Ray is saying and feeling about me right now. He sees a very sad, unsure of herself woman, afraid to make a move in the right direction. He sees some who is so different than the one he knew and loved. He feels my sadness and hates that I won't and don't want to let go. He used to say that in order to love others, you need to love yourself. So if he is here in spirit and sees how much I dwell and live in his memory, he'd understand my grief and sympathize. In the meantime, it's going to be nine months on the 23rd of April and knowing him, he'd say something like "come on already, enough!"

He'd be right and I agree to do something about it, fix it, get better. He was a firm believer that you have to take control of yourself, make good things happen, create your own good karma. I can and will do this for him as well as for myself. The memories of our past come daily, weekly and are haunting. We can and do this, hang on for dear life, no guilt, no anger, less sadness. Hope everyone here tries the same as a new season approaches.