Even though my girlfriend of 3 years was an addict, the breakup still hurts...

My girlfriend of over 3 years has been a pill and alcohol addict throughout our relationship. When our relationship began in 2008, things started off really good, we soon fell in love. Then after several months went by, she became depressed and began drinking a 12 pack a night, I threatened to leave her. She agreed to try to stop and sought counseling. She was able to suppress the behavior for a while. Then after a few months, while at work, she broke her hand and required surgery. She was given painkillers which began a resurgence of another addiction she had during her teen years. While living at her fathers home she took over 100 painkillers in a period of a couple of weeks. This caused a bowel issue which caused her to be rushed to the ER. After this incident her mother suggested she move in with me. I was hesitant and allowed it anyway because I loved her and thought it was the right thing to protect her. She once again cleaned up for a longer period time. In 2010 she began to use somas and painkillers at work and was eventually let go from her job. She became very depressed. A couple of days after her job loss, she drank an entire bottle of Crown Royal at our home and started an argument with me when I returned home from work. She told me she didn't love me, got into her car and drove away. A few hours later I received a phone call from the county jail informing me she had been arrested for a DUI after colliding with another vehicle. She begged me to post bail. Like a fool I bailed her out and helped her get back on the road to recovery. I stood behind her through court and the requirements based on her arrest, including drug and alcohol counseling. She cleaned up again for a period of time, then things began to change again. She got a childcare job in her home town and due to the long drive between our home and her job she stayed with her dad for a couple of days a week. At the end last year, I received a phone call from her dad informing me she had to be rushed to the ER because she took 7 somas and a couple of painkillers. Her family was so angry they tried to commit her. After evaluation, she was released and came home with me. She was fired from her job, her family threatened to disown her. She became very depressed. A couple of weeks ago she woke up one day and informed me she was leaving me. She said could no longer offer anything to our relationship and needed to only focus on herself. I love her an want her to be happy, but now the pain of all of the hurt she put me though has come to the surface. I feel like such a fool. Addicts are very selfish people. They can look you directly in the eyes and tell you how much they love you, then lie to you and turn their back on you. I'm now in the process of rebuilding my life.

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Jul 22, 2014
It's over
by: Anonymous

I've been with a woman for over 4 years, and have Finially reached the point where I can't tolerate living with her anymore. I moved in with her and immediately noticed that she consumed a large amount of lortab. I didn't bring it up to her however and the problem just continued. When she was unable to get an Rx she went into withdrawal. This was 2 years ago. Now the addiction was brought into the open. She appeared to be over using lortab, thanks to suboxone. But after awhile, maybe 6 months she started to drink heavily, and daily. She would come home from work smelling of alcohol. Then 7 months ago, she was told by her employer not to report to work. ( she's a nurse) because she was being investigated for dilaudid theft. This has led to her being home, still able to get lortab scripts, and when that runs out she drinks. I have confronted her numerous times and all I get are lies. I have been feeling so run down that I contracted shingles!! I worry constantly. She may be facing jail time but keeps blowing it off. I know my being there is just enabling her to use. I will have to leave in order for her to save herself.

Jun 08, 2014
stop being a victim of an addict
by: Anonymous

i was with an addict for 9yrs..it was love at first. sight.we had many things in common or so i thought..they lie cheat and steal from you and they are unable to have a healthy relationship. they blame u for everything and they keep coming back after u try to break it off..they get off on manipulating people. seeing what they can take from you. u can never love them enough cuz they are empty inside. you didnt cause it..cant control it..cant cure it..and u wonder with all the emotional bull that u have endured and putting up with the lies u miss them andwant them back? its because u have become accustomed to the emotional roller coaster ride..they feed u s little attention..then they ignore u..they tell u you are their soul mate and lie to u..they feed u enough to keep u hooked while their busy making someone else feel good..they have victims..not relationships..you are a tool to be used and trampled on while they get what they want from u. all addicts use people..has nothing to do with loving you..they dont love themselves much less anyone else..if u ever just sit and watch them interact with others..they are constantly scanning people to see what they have that the addict may need .they look for weak individuals to prey upon get out of this relationship before they emotionally ruin u.....

Oct 30, 2012
Similar story
by: M

I have a similar story, although my relationship only lasted five months. She seemed wonderful when we dated, I had fantasies of marrying her, but after she moved in (mostly, I later realized, because she had no where else to go), it became immediately apparent she was an alcoholic and a pill addict. Of course, she had reasons: chronic pain, past abuse; but unfortunately she did not persist in seeking other types of help. Over the next three months, it seemed like I broke up with her every week, but I always let her come back because she seemed so desperate and I didn't want her on the streets. It was only when I no longer felt I could do my job responsibly and I thought her parents would take her back in that I tried to cut the cord finally. That was nearly two months ago; I've only seen her once, because (again!) she was desperate, but she showed up to the meeting drunk, so (after letting her family know where she was) I took off. I miss her like hell every day. She was (initally) beautiful and intelligent, she was always exciting, but she offered very little to the relationship. Basically she was just a slave to her cravings, and she manipulated everyone around her in one way or another to get her needs met. After our breakup she did, apparently, enter detox, and I hear it worked to some degree. Good for her, but it's too early to tell. If I could do it over again, I would have tried to let her hit rock bottom faster and had fewer fights because they were pointless; she had a disease and it was deaf to my reasons and feelings and her own well-being. Ultimately, her recovery depends on herself; she wasn't going to do it for me, that's for certain, and I was naive to hope that was the case.

Aug 24, 2012
been there
by: Anonymous

I just recently got out of a 2 year relationship with someone who was a very heavy drinker at the start of our relationship, something I could cope with because I will admit, I do my fair share of drinking as well. As time went on, he was introduced into prescription drugs, as well as street drugs, something he has never seen before where he grew up. Like a whirl wind, he spun out of control. He kept it from me, and when I finally caught on, begged and pleaded for him to stop and threatened that I would leave. He said he would do anything to keep me and him together, and that he would stop everything all together for me. Us humans will believe anything under the oath of love. 6 months pass by and I was informed by a family member that at family functions, my boyfriend was going out of his way to either text, or take a side my step sister, who is very sick, to see if he could get anything and everything off of her as far as pills go. He begged her not to tell me, and she didn't until things started getting really bad. I faced neglect through drugs and alcohol, and I was never ever put before them; they came first. You cannot change anyone, as I thought I could. They have to want to change themselves. Its been two months, and I miss everything about him. I loved him unconditionally, but I let him go when I was informed about him addressing my stepsister at every family function (which was once or twice weekly). We think love can change anything or anyone, and that's the most false notion out there. He is still continuing to use, and I am continuing a whole new life without him. I know what you're going through, its not what you asked for or signed up for. It is told to me day after day that time will heal all, and remember that you cannot change anyone. Let them go, that is the only thing you can do to make yourself better. Someday they will figure it out on their own, but you cannot do it for them.

Apr 24, 2012
i know how u feel
by: johnny

Been with my girl 2 years and the whole time shes been addicted to oxycontin i basically have been enabling her and going through hell trying to save money. its caused so much anger from both of us, its sad she has 3 great kids who ive been raising as my own the last 2 years. i work real hard as a roofer and we have been fighting the last few days and she basically says im selfish and care only about me then all of a sudden late yesturday afternoon she texts me shes sorry for being mean and she loved me, not even a minute later she asks me to go from work to a clinic and try and get the doctor to give me some oxy. i finally seen at that moment that she didnt care about us fighting only about having me be her pawn. i came home and.told her no im not doing it anymore. she tells me she hates me and wants me out. so i packed what i could and left. no text or phone call since. i know now she didnt love me.

Mar 21, 2012
I'm so sorry :(
by: Jen

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did to find out how the story goes for every addict who is in active addiction. You never know though when someone will truly get a hold of a program of recovery and stay sober/turn their life around so your not wrong for loving her or trying :(. Recovering addicts are some of the most amazing people when they are sober...I know I am one of them. I have a whole family history of addicts/alcoholic. My mom just died and was the epitome of the progression of the disease of alcoholism. I also just buried my son Brandon McDonough (23yrs old) from a heroin overdose on 10/25/12. His story is on here check it out. I am still devastated over the loss of my son...he was my best friend I love and miss him so much it hurts everyday.
Jen

Mar 21, 2012
The hurt will go Away
by: Judith in California

I wish you so much happiness. Hopefully a good woman to shre your life with is in the future. You sound like a very nice man. Please don't let this ruin your thoughts for finding true love.

The hurt will go away in time .

God be with you on your rebuilding of your life.

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