Every day is a struggle
by Carol , Seans mom
Hello. My name is Carol. I lost my beautiful 24 year old son almost five months ago. Life is very difficult now and feels so sereal. I was a proud mother of three beautiful children. Sean was my oldest and only son. He left behind two beautiful sisters. I lived to be a mom. Life without Sean in it is very different. I don't have the attitude of I can make it better, Things will be ok. They just are not. Sean's birthday is April 6th. He would of been turning 25. We had already made plans for his birthday around the same time as mine in October. I knew what he wanted to try and accomplish in 2012 and I told him I would do what I could to help. Sean leaned on me with certain life struggles. It is not easy today being a 24 year old young man with the way our world has become. He wanted a home and a family and he put alot of pressure on himself. I would always tell him Be Patient, You are Young, You have Time. Little did I know. I feel like everything I have worked hard at in my life has been destroyed. I feel defeated. I have two great daughters to live for but they definitely are not getting the mom they should and would have if not for this tragedy. I am stuck in grief. I am full of pain,sadness and panic. I have alot of anger towards life now. I see everyone else go on like life is good and my insides scream. Don't they know what I have lost. Don't they care. I have learned life is not stopping for any of us. I have alot of anxiety with Sean's birtday approaching. How strange his first birthday that he will miss is Good Friday. Jesus came back from the dead. Sometimes I think maybe I will get that miracle. I feel like I am going crazy. I love my son and I want him back. I want to hug him and tell him I will try to make things O.K. I can not do that with him not here. I have no energy. My doctor says to try and get some exercise. I use to all the time. I have no motivation. I am worried about what my future holds now. Life is a struggle. Wish me luck this week with his birthday approaching. We are having a balloon release with a really good response. Hopefully that will get me threw that day. I just have to figure out the rest. I love you my hansome young man. I can not believe you are gone. I am not doing well without you. I needed you as much as you needed me. I hope you know that.