Every day it gets harder

My Mum died in June of this year after a two year battle with leukemia.

Every day it is getting harder and harder to cope.
I wake every morning with a headache and struggle to get out of bed. I spend the day in work pretending I'm okay, but most days crack and end up alone in the toilets, crying my heart out.

Nobody seems to understand or be able to help me.
I've fallen out with three of my closest friends and just feel so lonely all the time.

I am married to an amazing man whom my mother absolutely adored, but sometimes I feel like even he is losing patience with me. He wants me to get counseling, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why.

I am just so physically exhausted all the time.
I feel so down and don't know how to deal with ordinary life anymore. I hate going out or meeting people, I just want to be on my own.

I know this isn't good for me but at the moment I feel like it is the only thing for me. I can't deal with anything else.

My Dad is coping better with my Mum passing than I am. He doesn't know how much my heart aches at every moment of the day.

I'm 33 and expected to be a mother myself at this stage in my life and if Mum hadn't gotten sick, I probably would be. I do want a baby but I just don't think I'd be capable of looking after a child for a long long time. I just hope the opportunity doesn't pass me by.

I wish somebody could fix me and just say something that will make me feel better.

From Jennie:
It sounds like you are most surely stuck in a complicated grief. I urge you to get some counseling, for the sake of your marriage and you own happiness. You have nothing to lose, and maybe even a few sessions might help turn you around. Please do it!