Every day it gets harder

My Mum died in June of this year after a two year battle with leukemia.

Every day it is getting harder and harder to cope.
I wake every morning with a headache and struggle to get out of bed. I spend the day in work pretending I'm okay, but most days crack and end up alone in the toilets, crying my heart out.

Nobody seems to understand or be able to help me.
I've fallen out with three of my closest friends and just feel so lonely all the time.

I am married to an amazing man whom my mother absolutely adored, but sometimes I feel like even he is losing patience with me. He wants me to get counseling, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why.

I am just so physically exhausted all the time.
I feel so down and don't know how to deal with ordinary life anymore. I hate going out or meeting people, I just want to be on my own.

I know this isn't good for me but at the moment I feel like it is the only thing for me. I can't deal with anything else.

My Dad is coping better with my Mum passing than I am. He doesn't know how much my heart aches at every moment of the day.

I'm 33 and expected to be a mother myself at this stage in my life and if Mum hadn't gotten sick, I probably would be. I do want a baby but I just don't think I'd be capable of looking after a child for a long long time. I just hope the opportunity doesn't pass me by.

I wish somebody could fix me and just say something that will make me feel better.

From Jennie:
It sounds like you are most surely stuck in a complicated grief. I urge you to get some counseling, for the sake of your marriage and you own happiness. You have nothing to lose, and maybe even a few sessions might help turn you around. Please do it!

Comments for Every day it gets harder

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 10, 2012
by: Anonymous

Hiya I lost my mum 10 years ago and I was exactly like you I used to cry and feel so lonely and even I had my husband and 4 kids.I was so close with her and I thought my life will never be the same but the terrible thing happened to me.I lost my 19 years old son 19 months ago which has destroyed my life completly .Do you have a children,please please concentrate on them and your husband and try and be strong I understand loosing u parents is so hard but nothing can compare with losing you own kids.We never except our kids to go before us.You are right people don't understand until they been there but I wish no any parents go thtrough this terrible pain.I have to weak up every morning go to work to put smile in my face a pretend everything is ok but my heart is dead but I am managing like lots of other parents. Before this happened one I heard about other people I thought I will never be able to live one day look I am still here doing things how I used to do before I haven't got a choice. What I am trying to say is please please be strong for your self for your husband for your children,your mum dose not want to see you like that .I wiSh you best of luck.

Dec 20, 2009
Taking care of yourself
by: Anonymous

Can I reccommend that you go somewhere for break? It doesn't have to cost a lot of money, and besides, friends might be willing to help. There are meditation retreats, grieving workshops... places where you won't be self-conscious of how you feel, and can be with others who understand and are there to help.

Esalen in California is amazingly healing. Pancha Karma is an ayurvedic treatment for body, mind and soul I would highly recommend looking into. I think if you can just get away a little bit to somewhere where you can feel a little calmer and breathe, it would make a world of difference.

I lost my mother in August and I find I just need space sometimes from everything, and we deserve some pampering and comfort too! Close friends often aren't the best ones to do that, I 've found. good Luck!

Dec 09, 2009
My Mom
by: Anonymous

My Mom died 6 weeks ago this friday and I feel so alone.

I am 35 and as one woman described her dad is coping better than her; but you were her daughter, remember that. I think at their age they accept that it was God's will, where I think it will take me a very long time to accept that. My Mom would be 70 today and we should be celebrating, not consoling each other. She was and always will be my mom, my best friend, and I will always love her.

So yes while my grief may ease and I will get through all the stages, I am in no hurry. Today I just want her here.

Dec 07, 2009
Please read
by: suzy

My husband also lost his mother in June. She died after a 3 year battle with cancer. The way you described how you feel/felt sounds exactly like my husband to a T. ZTake comfort that the way you feel, you are not alone. Please know there IS light at the end of the tunnel. You HAVE to go through this very long and winding road (at times you will hate it, feel VERY alone, get so mad because NO ONE knows how you really feel (we do)and feel like f it, f it all!). There is light at the end of that tunnel. The journey just plain old-fashion sucks! Best of luck!

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!