Evil, stupid cancer
by Lois Yoshiyama
My 29 years old son lost his battle with alveolar rhabdomyosarcoma on 4/22/2014 @ 8:34 pm. He was first diagnosed with the cancer 1 week after his 25th birthday. My world turned upside down from that day. He had 3 recurrences within the 4 years. It was "it's the holidays so all the specialists are on holiday schedule or it's the doctor's day off or I'm leaving on vacation so we'll start his chemotherapy in two weeks when I get back"! My son fought very hard for 4 years and 4 months! He made all of the decisions as far as his treatments went! We made a lot of plans during the 4 years! He told me what songs he wanted played at his funeral and where he wanted to have his ashes scattered. I miss him terribly! There are days I think I'm going insane because I can't stop thinking about things. I am seeing a excellent therapist but i still need to take xanax for anxiety attacks. I have been very hesitant to leave the house because people say the stupidous things time after time. My son was my baby, the youngest of three kids and the only boy. He loved diving and graffiti! He has left tags all around town. I love him beyond words and miss him terribly. One day we will be back together again and I look forward for that day. In the mean time, how do I cope with the loss? There are days I don't want to get out of bed or do anything at all. I have difficulty remembering things and doing the simpliest chores. Is he in peace?